I need HELP. I've been checking my ex boyfriend's email and realize that it is so unconscionable. Help!

Question

Should I call and tell him? Before we broke up it had been stored in my laptop as all my passwords are set to be remembered. When I logged onto the site, there it was....********* in little stars. Like an idiot i started to check it and began to feel extremely ashamed and guilty. I just reworked my computer so all the passwords were erased and now I have no access.

But, should I call and tell him? We are supposed to reconvene in 6 months to see where we are at and hopefully try again. We broke up because both of us (mostly me) have a lot of growing up to do. My job is to get my life together so I can better handle a relationship. I am 27, he is 31 and we still love each other. I entirely want to be with this man in the future. My issue is that my therapist says I should call and tell him! I am so scared this will ruin all future possibility. What do you think. Would you and what would you think if your ex called and admitted this? What is the best approach?

Thanks so much everyone. I don't feel so alone. I still feel sorry but at least not alone :)

Answer 1

I honestly think you shouldn't say anything. You didn't set out to intentionally check his email, you just failed to resist temptation. The fact that you set out to erase the passwords so that you can't enter it again shows that you are truly sorry. No need to possibly ruin your chances of reconciliation just because you happened upon his email account. I know many people will disagree but some things are better left unsaid. I hope the two of you get together again and live happily in love.

Answer 2

I actually still check my ex-boyfriend's email, but the only difference is that he knows I am doing it. I guess if he didn't trust me then he would have changed his password by now. I really don't even have a reason to check it though.

I don't think you need to tell him if you only checked it once. You realized what you did and cleared the password out. You've already done the right thing.

Answer 3

You engaged in bad behavior, and quickly caught yourself. This is a good thing, not bad.

If your therapist really thinks you should tell your boyfriend NOW rather than in six months, you might as well comply. One way to tell him would be to send email confessing then immediately call and tell him. If you don't reach him, leave a voice mail that says "I'm calling because I did something a little bit bad before stopping, and I wanted to confess. I sent you e-mail with more details. Please call me if you want to talk about it."

Of course, he may not respond, and you might feel worse, so maybe that's not a perfect strategy.

Answer 4

Admitting it to him is the mature thing to do and a great opportunity for your developement. Additionally, if you explain the situation to him and frame it in the context of what a valuable life lesson it was, he might see just how hard you are trying.

Anyway, don't feel too badly. I know people in their sixties who would read someone's private thoughts without a second thought. I think your guilt just shows the caliber of your personality.

Answer 5

I think you should first ask yourself why you were looking at his emails. Did you trust him during the relationship? Are you worried maybe he won't want to get back together with you?

I do not think you should tell him. It will only make things between you worse. My advice to you is to work on your own personal issues before even trying to get back together with him. Vow to never look at it again, work on you, and then maybe you two can work it out. Good luck.