wow, its nice to see you still remember you have a daughter... thought you forgot considering thr fact you left about 3 weeks ago and havent called or really emailed at all. whatever.
I went to stay with her because her Dad moved due to job reasons, but then came back. I live in another state. She is right to be upset with me. I feel like I don't deserve to be a mother. Her grandmother was taking care of her. I could not sacrifice my life for her.
I am to blame, but don't know what to do. Her Dad has sole physical and legal custody of her. She is 14 years old. She is having trouble in school now also.
I don't really know how to respond. I am a terrible person.
2007-04-04 15:22:50 · 12 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am 14 so I know what your daughter's life is like-it's crazy and stuff. One minute you're feeling great and then the next minute you're down in the dumps.
Before anything though, let me tell you somethin': You are NOT a horrible person. We all make big (and small)mistakes. In fact, today I made a mistake and I thought, "I'm a horrible person! I'm so stupid!" But then I realized that maybe there was still hope and making mistakes its normal. It's how we grow. And most of all, the mistakes (just like mine and your's) most likely won't end the world.
Now, I think you should respond to the email nicely and be honest. Apologize for what you did wrong. Tell her why you didn't call or e-mail her. Tell her that you really feel bad for what you did and ask her to forgive you. Tell her that you're sorry she's having trouble in school and tell her that if she wants to, she can always come and talk to you. Once again, apologize and then sign your name or whatever.
If she doesn't reply nicely or just flat out ignores your e-mail then don't feel bad. It's so normal for teens to do that, so don't take it to the heart. Give her a few days to chill and then try to call her. Or, if you want, you can call her instead of replying the e-mail in the first place. It's all up to you on how you wanna respond to her email.
Just remember that we all make mistakes and remember to not give up on trying to chat with your daughter. I'm sure one day she'll come around. Most of us do. Hold your head up and don't feel so bad. :)
All the best!
2007-04-04 15:38:39 · answer #1 · answered by sweetdollツ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you're saying is just an outline of an obviously longtime feud between you two and there must be more from your side as you say that you are to blame? However, the hurting has got to stop somewhere and let the healing start, not just for her but for you too! Now is an excellent time, don't you think?
So, since we cannot change our pasts, don't go there with her anymore, pick up from the present and try to avoid any further conflict or arguments. It would also help if you could start looking at yourself in a more positive way, or seek counselling. You CAN be a better person, no matter what has happened in your past, just want it and believe it. As for responding, may I suggest something like:
Hi sweetie, I do apologise for not contacting you sooner. You are my daughter and I love you very much. It is not possible that I can forget that I am a mother although I have made some mistakes..............etc. Good luck. I am a mother too.
2007-04-04 15:41:02 · answer #2 · answered by Commodore 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The past is past. Just start fresh - tell her exactly what you said here..let her understand that you were not mature enough or mentally strong enough to take care of her and be there for her like you should have. Tell her that you were wrong and that you are sorry. Tell her you would like things to change and you will make an effort. But - don't do or say this if you dont plan to maintain a relationship with her...Her e-mail is a girl full of hurt wanting her mother to know she is mad. Start by making plans to go to lunch once a month or so since you live in another state...Dont make promises you cant keep. Youre not terrible - you made mistakes...now fix them. You missed out on alot but 14 is still young enough to start a great relationship and start doing what you should. Expect her to have alot of questions and expect her to be mad...Do you pay child support? If not - you need to.
2007-04-04 15:40:27 · answer #3 · answered by Handbag Lady 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All I can sy is try being there for her the best you can she has the right to be upset you have the right to try and be a part of her life I dont know your life or how it is but she has problems your an adult if you think you can help then help her if not stay away and let her grow up wondering why you did what you did or if she is old enough tell her why or what look being honest with your self and her is the best posible thing if she dosent care then you try your best to do the right thing your the adult life is tough with big problems just think about it for real my life has a huge bag of problems and Im sure no one special to speak of but I love my children even those from a new family just think first act like an adult try at everything you do dont quite and focus on what you are doing best advice I can give hope some of it helped .
2007-04-04 15:39:01 · answer #4 · answered by randd721 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you're not a terrible person
you can respond to your daughter by telling her you love her and that you do blame yourself. let her know how you feel about the situation.... saying "i feel" in your letter, and try not to rationalize or give reasons "why"
perhaps you can tell her that you plan to call her next week, after she's had the chance to read the email.
i hope it works out. time heals all wounds... just do your best and keep the lines of communication open the best you can.
hon, sometimes our lives take strange paths... paths we really don't want to travel. mine has, and i do believe everything happens for a reason, no matter how difficult.
take good care of YOU in the meantime. you and your daughter BOTH deserve good things.
2007-04-04 15:38:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is angry (which is not unusual for being 14) but you say she has good reason. You need to own up to your mistakes and tell her. Tell her you screwed up and try to make amends. If you just say you messed up and walk away you are just compounding the problem. You may have made mistakes in the past, but you can try to improve the relationship. It may help heal the damage between the two of you and you may feel better about yourself when you do the right thing.
2007-04-04 16:38:37 · answer #6 · answered by Starshine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
probable morally a mistake. undergo in strategies your own youthful people and that i'm specific that there strengthen into lots of issues which you probably did not desire to proportion including your mom and dad. as long as she isn't speaking approximately hurting herself or absolutely everyone else then i think of you may in basic terms permit it relax. i'm specific which you does not get exhilaration from her invading your inner maximum e-mails and debts. So please enable her to strengthen up on her own and while she desires and/or needs your suggestion i'm specific that she'll ask for it. youngsters study lots from their friends and not all of that's right yet they have faith people their very own age lots extra desirable than adults. Boy do I ever sense previous typing this.
2016-10-02 04:58:56 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to apologize and tell her honestly how you feel. But leave it up to her to decide how to respond and tread lightly here. She may want you in her life but not trust you. Accept that and try to be a better parent, without blaming yourself. What's done is done. Move on to the future.
2007-04-04 16:13:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, so uve realised that you could have done a lot more...realising and admitting is the first step. now, just go all out if you don't want to lose her altogether start by ringing her and telling her how bad you feel because you stuffed up. tell her that you cant fix what has already happened but you can make it better now, that you want to make it better.
u just have to keep trying...she won't understand why about what has happened but if you keep trying it will get better.
and don't forget she has probably had her grandma and father in her ear saying things about you for not being around.
stop feeling bad about it all , and do something to fix it.
email me
2007-04-04 15:39:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to get in touch with her.
It will screw her up if she doesnt have a mother-trust me, i kno. Call the father and ask. if he says no, see if you can press legal charges for visiting rights.
You should responde, first and foremost, that youre sorry that you havent been there for her. (shes prob covering up her disappointment and sadness with anger) depending on what your daughters like, see if you could go to the movies, go shopping, yada yada yada.
ask her LATER if she likes her teachers. TEACHERS, not school. she'll open up faster because"its not her fault" see if you could help her with a confusing subject, and if she shoots back in a nasty NO!, just tell her if she has any questions(NOT THAT SHE NEEDS ELP) she knos where to reach you
Remeber that she is currently volnerable, weak, anry, and sad. Dont give up, its never too late.
2007-04-04 15:32:32 · answer #10 · answered by loololol 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋