I don't know if i love my bf, but he's contemplating marriage and I'm pregnant?

Question

I'm 21, he's 25. We've been together 5 months and when it started i had just come out of a serious 2 year relationship. I had lost all hope in men, and then i met my bf. He was sweet, kind, considerate, hadn't been with any girls sexually, and genuinely cared about me. I know I'm his first love and that's why i feel so guilty that i don't feel completely the same.

I do care about him a lot. We live together, go to the same college, work together. He's always there and I can't imagine him not being there. I feel like i love him, but i don't feel that same passion for him that i had for my ex or that i know he feels for me.

I feel like he could do better than me. Like he deserves a girl who loves him blindly like he loves me. But at the same time, I want to hold onto him for myself because he means so much to me and because we're having a baby.

Do i tell him all this, or give it time and hope that i continue to love him more each day?

Answer 1

You're not ready for marriage, don't take that step until you are. The two of you can be fine parents and support the child regardless.

Don't "settle" because you'll just end up regretting it later. Five months isn't long enough to make the marriage decision, and now since you're pregnant you're feeling pressured.

Do what is best for you and the soon-to-be child...that may or may not be a long term romantic relationship with your current boyfriend. Don't worry though, he'll continue to be in your life even if you don't date, because you're about to share a child...

Answer 2

I would not tell him all this. For some reason, a guy can consider it a big negative that you don't feel passionately crazy in love with him even if you love him deeply just the same and appreciate him. I think the latter is more important because the first feeling wears off.
Your problem is that you don't even think you feel the latter. Hormones may be clouding your judgement but that has nothing to do with the task that lies ahead - marriage. It would be nice if you had the perfect start but you don't. What's done is done and at least you know that is you are making the best of it, you have something pretty good to start with!
I hope that your boyfriend IS contemplating marriage since you made a baby together! You've only been together 5 months -which is not much - I've been going to the same drycleaner longer than that - but that doesn't mean anything. You will be sharing parenthood the rest of your lives! He should go beyond contemplating marriage and flat out marry you - as soon as possible - and I think you should decide to make this marriage work since you won't have a honeymoon period. The baby is going to take up all of your waking thoughts. What's done is done.

Answer 3

I believe that you have to have open communication and honesty in a relationship. If you don't, you don't really have a true relationship. If you were him, would you want to know how you felt?, even if it hurt a little?

You need time, after all you have only been dating 5 months. You are still getting to know each other. Don't let him believe something that you don't know for sure. That is false hope.

Give it a chance and still date him. You do have feeling of some sort for him and you are having a baby together. Take one day at a time and be honest with him from the get go. He will respect you more for it now, then if you suddenly realize down the road differently and he has no idea.... It may turn out all for the best in the long run.

Best wishes to you and your baby and I wouldn't try to force any feelings, let them come naturally and be honest with him. One day at a time.......My prayers are with you.

Answer 4

You should have thought about all of these things before you became sexually active with this young man and had unprotected sex with him outside of marriage. If you are currently, living with him and you believe that he truly, loves you, then you are going to have to make a final decision that you should have made before you started a rebound relationship with him after leaving your ex-lover of 2 years ago. If you feel that you trust him enough to share your body with him, you are now going to have to tell him that he has fathered a child with you because it is going to become apparent very soon even if you don't tell him. You need to tell him as soon as possible and come to some concrete decisions about how you both will deal with parenthood-- together or separately. Then, if you feel that you cannot develop a loving relationship with the father of your child, you need to move out, get some child support for your baby and an independent living arrangement for yourself and your baby. He will have parental rights to see his child if he wishes to do so. Passion for your ex is beside any point of reason, at this time. No one can live on passion. What you need is a loving husband to care for you and to help with your baby. If this man truly loves you, you would be smart to give his love a chance and try to learn to appreciate his kindness and consideration for you that you have spoken of. You can learn to love someone who is kind and considerate of your feelings and passion does not have to be involved. Welcome to the real world. I hope that you both really love each other since you are going to be a family. Congratulations on your baby and best wishes as a family.

Answer 5

Hopefully your love for him will grow deeper in time. There's a lot more to love than mad passion. That usually wears off fairly quickly, anyway. Maybe a healthier love is based on respect and friendship.

It sounds like you really do care for this man but you're burned out. It looks like things happened too quickly for you. You needed more time between relationships.

Do the best you can for him and your baby. Consider yourself lucky to be loved so much. Enjoy his love and your baby. Let time take care of things and live in the moment. Enjoy what you have now; a loving man and a baby of your own. You're a lucky woman :-)

Answer 6

it looks like the problem is you. you are not confident with yourself. sure tell him how you feel. you just seem unsure at the moment about urself. it will probably past b/c feelings are temporary. i thin you love him. and you may not feel the same about him like ur olf b/f cause there are different types of love and passion. doesnt mean you liked one more. tell him you need some time to sort out feelings. they will become clear eventually and if u do get married and it doesnt work out there is always divorce plans u know so take a chance!

Answer 7

i'd give it a little time, your still not completly healed form your last relationship, and remember this, it gets no better than u. when u really start to realize how happy he makes u and how much u want to be with ur baby daddy ur feelings will change. if not single parenting is very popular. good luck momma~

Answer 8

You know the problem with you is that you keep thinking of your ex, that is your past relationship, forget him, if he really loved you before , he should offer marriage. Now this bf of yours is your present and future relationship, give importance to him or you might loose him.

Answer 9

Don`t tell him anything like that. Are you crazy? You are pregnant of his child remember? Don`t make him hate you. Remember he`s just a human been. He`s not God. If you do so you`ll come to regret it. Watch out!

Answer 10

I think that you need to be truthful and straight with him. now before it goes one step further. Sometimes love doesn't burn hot and passionate from the get go some times it smolders and grows hotter later.