I have a friendly dispute with my wife, what do you think?

Question

My wife, daughter and I, live in a wonderful neighborhood in a home we had built 9 years ago. Our combined income is around $ 80,000. The house has been paid off, we have around $ 1500 in credit card debt. I drive a paid off 11 year old car. My wife drives a 3 year old car at a $ 400 a month payment. My wife and I neither smoke or drink. Other than saving for retirement ,college, taxes and vacation, we have no debt.

Here is the dispute.

Each week I save $ 10.00 in my "cookie jar" to purchase baseball gloves which I like to collect. The gloves I collect are expensive because they are the kind you would see worn by players in the major leagues. The prices range from $ 130-$ 250. When I have enough saved I will buy one, not before.

She claims it is silly to spend that kind of money on a baseball glove. I say I have the right to spend $ 10.00 a week plus birthday and xmas cash any legal way I wish without question.

Answer 1

yeah she is after all driving a car that costs 400 each and every month while you are driving the old one..so you should get to spend 400 each month on whatever you want..she should be glad you are only asking for the 10 a week plus gifts..

Answer 2

This smells like it's not about the gloves, per se, but about something else. How do you and your wife handle money together? Does she have funds of her own to spend any way she wants to, no questions asked?

Is your credit card debt growing larger, or smaller?

How does she approach money in general? How do you?

If your credit card debt is getting smaller (you do know that every dollar you carry over is like leaking $5 from your bank account over time, or more, right?), and you're saving for things you need to buy (like a new car, in time, or home repairs), and she has $10 a week in her cookie jar to buy whatever she likes, then sure, you have a right to your fun, if you can afford it, just as she does.

Looks like it's time for a family budget meeting to make a plan you can both live with.

Answer 3

I think that that is wonderful that you can wait that long... when she wants to make a large purchase for anything, lets say a pair of shoes or something like that that she wants does she do the same thing? She needs to realize that this is something that makes you happy, you really enjoy buying them and you collect them! Its your hobby! Does she have a hobby? Does she collect anything like that? If she doesn't then she will alwyas have a difficult time understanding why you'll pay that much money for a glove... but what does she spend on shoes? What does she spend on clothes? You aren't splurging on them, you save for them, which is a lot better than what most people do!

Answer 4

Yeah if you arent taking away from anything else you should be able to buy a darn glove! My goodness, a person needs to have a hobby. What the heck do you work for if you cant enjoy the money. Surely wife has some reason for not wanting you to buy the glove, could it be this is the only part of yourself you wont compromise?

Answer 5

I personally think it is a perfect way to budget your collection purchases!! How many times do people just go out an blow a huge amount, putting it on a credit card to boot, just for it to be something that is tossed away or garage saled at a later date. Sounds like not only do you budget your purchases but they are also collector items that will be worth more either value wise to your daughter or grandchildren, or by sentimental value because you will share at least part of your passion with your daughter & future grand babies! Good for the both of you to have your finances in such good order too!! Pat yourselves on the back seriously!

Answer 6

As you will know relationships are equal! She will have money that she spends on what she likes ie make up jewellery or anything she collects! You have every right as part of this relationship to buy what you want with your money that you have worked for and saved. Maybe its the thought of having so many baseball gloves around the home that bothers her she might thing of them as dust collectors. GOODLUCK x

Answer 7

She sees herself as being "practical". Unless you can convince her of seeing these gloves through your eyes as having 'value', then she's going to continue to razz you on it. I personally see no harm, since you are budgeting for it and this is something you enjoy. I see no harm in having a hobby - even if it is in collecting 'things'.
So, you two need to come to an understanding of what is important to each of you individually. Surely these is something of a hobby that she enjoys or would LIKE to enjoy (but has put off for such-n-such reason in her head). Would she like a special vacation? Hobby like knitting? dolls? Activity like swimming? skiing? horseback riding? being a scout leader? civic activities, volunteer work?
She has to have something that she can enjoy while you enjoy your collecting...she can budget for hers as you budget for yours. Perhaps she sees a 'storage' problem? Are these items expensive or difficult to insure? Does she simply dislike or have no interest in baseball? Maybe she needs to be taken to a few games to get first-hand experience in the thrill of the sport? Maybe she thinks that if she gives you an inch with this, you'll take a mile down the road with some other project (so she's keeping you stressed over this small item on purpose?).

If you can't resolve this adequately with just yourselves, see if she's open to talking to a mutual friend and allowing that friend to hear both sides & come up with suggestions.

I know you'll work it out; let's not let the little things create undue friction between mates, ok?? Don't let your marriage suffer over this. If need be, ask yourself if this is "the hill you want to die on" - meaning is this glove thing worth more than your marriage? Hopefully, your wife & marriage has more value, but let's not get this far. Just lets clear the air and make it a win-win situation for both of you...let that be the goal.

040407 7:40

Answer 8

I'm sorry, but I agree with you. You have to have some kind of passion and hobby and if you're only saving $10 a week, with how well off you seem every where else, it doesn't seem irrational at all. The only reason I can see why she has to complain is if she has a hobby that you won't let her pursue or won't support her on because of the cost.

Answer 9

Next time she complains ask her, "How much do you spend on makeup and hair products every month?"
Those are "silly" things. If she argues back then kill her with kindness, say "You don't need makeup or hair things or smelly soaps (whatever you can think of), because you're beautiful without all those things." This might drives her nuts but at least you'll get your point across.

Answer 10

If that is what you want to spend your money on... more power to you. You keep buying them because that is what you enjoy and you are the one saving the money for it. BTW, lets see some pics of these gloves :)