I have gone out on several dates and thought that he was just full of life a jolly big spending guy when actually on date #3 he began to act strange. He drank alot. I had trouble getting him to focus on what I was saying. Then drove off drunk and left me in the parking lot (i refused to get in the car with him). He later confessed that he is bi-polar, apologized to me. I really do not know what to do. I like him alot...i am actually questioning why i like him so much...do i really know him?? He has become very attached to me and I to him.
2007-04-04 12:09:49 · 13 answers · asked by Daisy D 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
My dad is bipolar, and I have to say that with the information you have given, things do not look good for your relationship with this man.
People who are bipolar, in order to achieve stability, have to be RIGIDLY COMPLIANT about taking their meds and NOT using alcohol or recreational drugs. It doesn't sound to me as if the man you are dating is compliant on either count.
People who are bipolar can become stable, the degree of stability depending in part on the severity of the illness and in part on lifestyle issues. Things you need to ask this man in order to determine if you can deal with his illness:
Does he have a regular psychiatrist who he sees on a regular basis and as necessary if he becomes unstable?
Does the psychiatrist have him on a medication program? If so, does he take his meds every day as he is supposed to, without fail?
How does he react to questions about his illness and the treatment he receives? Is he open and honest about it? Does he get resentful of questions, particularly questions about compliance with medication regimen? Does he get angry at requests for information or statements of concern about his actions?
In addition to a psychiatrist, does he have a therapist or counselor that he sees on a regular basis, who is familiar with his illness? If not, is he amenable to seeing a therapist recommended by his psychiatrist?
Are you willing to be a participant in his counseling? Is he open to that possibility?
Some lifestyle questions. First, some background: people who are bipolar have to adhere as rigidly as possible to a sleep schedule that has minimal changes. A change in sleep schedule, such as can happen when crossing time zones on a vacation trip, can trigger a mood swing. Stress of any kind can trigger a mood swing. So can use of alcohol or recreational drugs.
Can your boyfriend stay with a sleep schedule and avoid parties and activities that change his schedule? Can you?
Can you accept that you might not be able to do much travelling or spontaneous activity because of the danger of triggering a mood swing? Can your boyfriend accept that?
Can he give up alcohol use and any other recreational drugs he uses? Can you help him in this?
As a minimum, you need those questions answered honestly and truthfully. And if the answers are not reassuring, then if I were you I would get out of the relationship now, because things would not look good.
2007-04-04 12:36:00 · answer #1 · answered by Karin C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem with bi-polar disorder is that the person affected by it has mood swings. You never really know which side you're going to get on a given day. People who are bi-polar tend to either feel really happy and on top of the world, or very depressed and down in the dumps. It seems to me like you experienced both sides of that man. If the mood swings disturb you or make you want to stay away from him, then you might want to end the relationship, but end it slowly. Anything abrupt could lead to him being severely depressed. But, if you still like him even after seeing his less happy side, I'd say continue your relationship with him. =) Just do whatever you feel is right.
2007-04-04 12:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by Koko 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After only three dates, I would be concerned that you two are already "very attached" to each other. Bipolar Disorder is one of the most severe mental disorders, and you may only be seeing the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.
Don't move forward. That's not to say you should get out, but understand that this is an extremely difficult disorder for those afflicted and for the people who care about them. You need to keep your head on straight and don't think to yourself that "love conquers and heals all." It doesn't. This will take a lot of work, reflection and self-awareness on YOUR part, not to mention his.
Take things very calmly and slowly with this guy. He will need continued pharmacological, cognitive and behavioral interventions in all likelihood, and depending on your circumstances, you may need to consider that a serious relationship with this man isn't a good idea right now.
2007-04-04 12:19:42 · answer #3 · answered by Buying is Voting 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think as we get older we take life far too seriously. Sounds like you need to be a bit silly. Do something frivolous that appeals to the child in you. Go to an amusement park or rent your favourite movies from your childhood. I still have sleep overs with my friends (I am nearly 33) where we do all the things we did as teens. Very occasionally I get an afternoon of work and do something fun with my boyfriend. Go to the zoo or something like that. We all have a child in us and we need to keep them happy too. Never neglect the child within. I don't know what it is you need to do but being silly occasionally really helps with all the strain and constant seriousness of maturity. You don't have to know all the answers, or even all the questions. Just try to be the best you can and allow yourself to fail sometimes. Getting back the love and trust you had as a child is a hard one. I think those things evolve as we get older. Being open is a start. I make myself smile all the time and make sure my smile finds people during the day. I find this way people approach me and I am open to them. It's a sort of trust in strangers. Concentrate on finding love within yourself and when the time is right you will find love in someone else. Good luck and take care.
2016-05-17 07:26:03 · answer #4 · answered by christian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, think about this. You know this behavior is going to continue because obviously, he is not getting any help. There's a big difference in being bipolar, getting counseling and taking medication to keep you from the extreme highs and lows. He's not doing any of those things and is just letting his disease control his life. AND he drinks which makes it much worse.
If he gets into treatment immediately, give him some time to work on his illness and then re-evaluate your relationship. If he refuses to get help, you have your answer. It's over.
2007-04-04 12:20:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is better if you break it off until he stops his drinking and if he does then slow it down and get to know him before you get serious with him. You can in no way really know him well enough after 3 dates to get seriously involved with him and there is no scientific valid and reliable evidence for him to blame his behavior on some false mental illness. Not all people labeled as Bi-Polar even drink or use drugs at all and some don't want to.
2007-04-04 12:20:00 · answer #6 · answered by Friend 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do not want to stereotype bipolar people but I would be really wary of becoming seriously involved with the man. It sounds like he is not doing anything to control his bipolar disorder, and he is making dangerous decisions like drunk driving that can put both of your lives in danger.
There are a lot of ups and downs with bipolar disorder, and I'm not saying that this is necessarily the case for him or for all bipolar people, but the manias can be very aggressive to the point of abuse and serious physical injury, and the depressions can be so low that they need to be watched for self-injury and/or suicide. And they can go from mania to depression in a snap.
Part of whether you should date him depends on how serious his bipolar disorder is, and also if he is willing (and able) to treat it consistently. Then the rest is for you to decide...if he's your type, et cetera.
2007-04-04 12:18:24 · answer #7 · answered by Rat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People put their best foot forward during courtship. If this is his best foot, I shudder to think what his worst foot will look like. The drinking could be a much worse problem than the bi-polar disorder. I'd be careful if I were you!
2007-04-04 12:19:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Daisy D. I am 38 and am bi-polar. I would be happy and jolly one day and hitting the bottle and depressed the next day. I finally took control and saw a shrink. She diagnosed me as bi-polar and prescribed Lamictal to control it. It does work. So try to convince him to see a doc.
2007-04-04 12:20:06 · answer #9 · answered by Scott B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
part of bi polar is to have spending splurges.
i have bi polar schizophrenia was manic depressant adhd so i was a farked up mess ha ha
but i live a normal life and have a normal relationship if you want to be with him maybe talk to him and make sure he is on his medication because on medication he shouldn't have out burst of moods that will only happen if he is not taking it and if he isn't taking the medication then you might have to say that you have feelings for him and really would like to make something with him but he has to take his medication and when you tell him he has to take his medication say something positive about it like "i want you take your medication because you show me the true you and not the bi polar" Something like that because we (people with mental health issues) already feel like we are out siders and strange
but if he doesn't want to take his medication maybe i would have to really re consider it because i know the shiit iput people through before i was medicated and its not nice
and research bipola so you understand it better it will help you alot my fiancee is doing menatl health at university so she understands me and it has helped us alot
2007-04-04 13:01:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋