Is there such thing as emotionally cheating on someone?

Question

The names in this post are made up..lol..My good friend "jane" is upset because her boyfriend "bob" has made friends with a girl he works with "ann"Ann has a boyfriend too. Bob drives ann home every time after they finish work, but not without stopping for coffee first. They get off work at 1 am, and sometimes bob doesn't get home until between 3 and 5 am. bob says that his girlfriend jane shouldn't care, because she should be sleeping. Bob talks about ann a lot. Ann is pretty and jane feels jealous. Sometimes when bob gets home after dropping ann off, they get on msn chat and talk through all hours of the night. My friend jane has a tendancy to have low self esteem and get jealous. Bob tells her that him and ann have so much to talk about and he can't have those kinds of conversations with her. He likes to be intelectually stimulated by ann,in other words. Is he cheating?

Answer 1

Yes, and if I were Jane, I would hit this guy Bob with my frying pan. Where is my frying pan? What a jerk!! That is the most indecent thing I've ever heard of. He's so disrespectful. Why is Jane still with him?

Answer 2

Having gone through this exact situation and having not worried about it I can with 100% accuracy say that it is emotional cheating and yes it will lead to an affair. It already sounds like something is going on based on the fact that he doesn't get home sometimes until 5 am? What is he doing for those four hours? How long does it take to get coffee. It is also realling disturbing that when he gets home he gets online and chats with Ann. Shouldn't he be getting into bed and cuddling up to Jane? My wife and my friend were exactly this way. The spent a lot of time together. I was not concerned because I knew my wife and trusted her. I knew my friend as well but the emotional bond that they developed turned into something much more. My wife is now with my friend and my kids have parents that are heading for divorce. I would never again look the other way in a situation like this. Men and Women can be friends but their have to be boundaries. There are no boundaries in this friendship and Jane is right in feeling Jealous. Bottom line - Jane needs to put her foot down and end the friendship, or find a new man if he wont comply.

Answer 3

My initial thought is yes there is such a thing, but in this case no, not really. Emotional feelings are a different area and women really can feel strongly about this area. If Bob has such a strong friendship with Ann there is no reason he can't introduce her and her boyfriend to Jane so that the four of them might have the opportunity to become closer and the whole situation less intimidating. Jane might find out they are fun to be around and her feelings of jealousy would subside. Also, Jane should also feel good because Bob is telling her about his time/meetings and not hiding things at all. This is so important and proves his fidelity and commitment to her. Only, if Bob does not want the two women to get closer would I consider this issue one of an emotional cheating potential =)

Answer 4

It sounds like it is time for Jane to find a new boyfriend. Once a guy starts bonding with a woman emotionally, it is usually only a matter of time before it progresses to a physical relationship.

Yes, there is such a thing as emotionally cheating and it sounds like the boyfriend is guilty.

As as the girlfriend has tried to convey her feeling about this and the boyfriend has come right out and said "he can't have those types of conversations with her" and "likes to be intellectually stimulated" by the other woman.

It is almost like saying he just uses "Jane" for taking care of the home and for sex. How would what "Bob" is doing any different than if "Jane" told "Bob" that he doesn't stimulate her enough phyicially, so that is why she likes to have late night visits from "Jake" for that physical stimulation.

Answer 5

No, but that doesn't mean he won't. There's a slight chance Bob is starting to like Ann. So I suggest Jane to talk to Bob about how she feels, if he doesn't do anything about it, or even cares about it. That means Ann is more important.Maybe Bob likes Ann and not know it because they haven't done anything yet. So men don't consider that as cheating. Also, Bob is still officially Jane's boyfriend, so he think as long as he stays that way, he can satisfy both women. Bob may not be a bad person, just a slow one.

Answer 6

You would be hard pressed to convince bob that he is, but he is. Cheating is doing something, outside of the relationship, that would intentionally hurt your main squeeze and alienate their affection. (remove affection where it should be going.) That sounds like the case here. If he brought ann over to meet with jane and ann and jane would see each other overtly friendly and carry on conversations bob isn't a part of, he'd see that as cheating right away

have jane ask him to bring ann over so jane can see if there is something there. Maybe ann & jane can come to an agreement.

After all, jane only has bob's word that he isn't flirting with ann. What does ann have to say about jane's choice in men. And, if bob refuses to let the twain meet, bob has already committed adultery in his heart, no mater what jane or ann thinks.

Answer 7

Love is an emotion, isn't it? So yes, I believe there is such thing as emotionally cheating. It is possible to be "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex, even if you do find them intellectually stimulating and physically attractive. But the fact that Bob is spending such a large amount of time with Ann leads me to believe that at the very least, he is emotionally cheating on her. That could very well lead to physical cheating, if it hasn't already. Jane should talk to her husband and request that they spend more time together after he gets off of work. Maybe she could branch out and try some new things, and bring Bob with her. Then they can have stimulating conversation with each other. Just a suggestion... hope this works.

Answer 8

You can't love two people the same way. You're gonna love your girlfriend/boyfriend and like you wife/husband or vice verse. One is going to be affected no matter how good you think you are. The one that you like, eventually will become annoying to you and then it really goes down. So Bob is cheating with Ann. It happens all the time. It sucks, but the only way to stop is to "separate" from the problem...Ann. Jane shouldn't worry because the damage is already done. It's being played and no one really knows that they are in the game. Like to dislike, love to hate.

Answer 9

I think so! His insensitivity to "Jane's" feelings show a lack of maturity as well. I would bet a lot that there is a little more going on there then just "intellectual stimulation." Even if there are just subtle glances, touches, or flirting...that's still not exactly what you would call exemplary behavior. I can imagine a situation where Jane tries her best to confront Bob and he gets irritated with her, seeking refuge in Ann to comfort himself and setting the whole cycle off again. If he respects his relationship with Jane he should cut Ann off CONSIDERABLY. If my husband worked until 1am I would definetly want him to be thinking of cuddling/talking to me and not some coworker that he already spent a ton of time with...
He can't have those kind of conversations with her? What does that mean? That Ann is the one to talk to and your girlfriend is the one where he gets PHYSICALLY stimulated as opposed to these oh-so-wonderful conversations with Ann?
I don't think so.
Jane is completely within her right to feel as she does. Any woman would feel insecure in this situation!

Answer 10

Bob and Ann are already probably cheating because Bob has lost intrest.If he cannot have a convesation with Jane then he doesn't really like to be with her.I mean If I was to go to coffee with a female co-worker til 3,or 5 a.m. I would never hear the end of it and honestly it would be a good thing cause chances are I am cheating.You see people don't have values like they used too I mean if you want to talk to a co-worker talk at work,not til 3 a.m. at a coffee shop..It just sounds fishy to me.

Answer 11

"Jane" is right to see the red flags flying all over this one. Something is clearly going on - even if it's not physical.

"Jane" needs to express to "Bob" that his spending so much time with another woman - be it at 1 in the afternoon or 1 in the morning - is having a negative impact in their relationship. He can either pay more attention to "Jane" or maybe he can hang out with "Ann" - permanently.

Of course, if "Jane" is going to stay with "Bob" out of low self esteem then she deserves whatever she gets.

Personally, I would tell the guy "my way or the highway"