Any helpful hints when discussing a violent child with a day care?

Question

There's a kid at my son's daycare with Down Syndrome who's been biting, scratching, and hitting the other chlidren. Last week he bit my son so hard that even through his jeans, he had a huge bite-shaped bruise.

My husband and I are going in on Friday to talk to them about this. At a minimum, I'd like for that violent kid to be more closely supervised. Has anyone dealt with this before? I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks!

This is the second bite this kid has given my son. The first time drew blood. And my son isn't the only victim.

Anyone who tells me to do nothing will be politely ignored. This is unacceptable.

Cassandra, staying at home is not an option for me and I did not ask your opinion on my lifestyle. NOT THAT YOU ASKED, but his grandparents take care of him in the mornings and he only goes in the afternoon to play with other kids. Go preach your there-is-only-one-way-to-live horse pucky someplace else.

Answer 1

I understand completely with what you are talking about. I have been on both sides and please be assured that most of the time the parents of the biter do also feel bad about the situation. I know of a child that has downs and this was a problem with them as well, it is better now with a lot of one on one attention. I have learned that sometimes a bitter will be hungry, thristy and in this case the child may not be able to comminicate with the others leaving them to feel frustrated. When you talk to the teacher,director be upfront and ask them how they handle this and see if there are certain times that it is happening. For example, it could be right before lunch and then they should offer the bitter a snack and drink prior to the time.
I understand your frustrations, Good luck and god bless

Answer 2

Let me preface this by saying that I am a mom to a little boy with Down syndrome. That being said, behavioral issues at daycare or school must be dealt with, whether or not the child has DS. Your child certainly shouldn't be hurt in school.

A child with DS most certainly is receiving schooling and therapies under either an IFSP (Individual Family Service Plan) or an IEP (Individual Education Plan) depending on their age. The teacher or daycare provider should mention to the child's parents that there are behavioral issues emerging that should be addressed. The parents can then request to modify the plan to address these new needs by perhaps adding some behavioral therapy to the child's existing plan. There may be some underlying reason for why this child is acting out and the child surely needs help dealing with it. As a mom, I think you should go to the teacher and tell her your concerns not only for your child, but for the child who is biting. Compassion goes a lot further than fear or anger. Also, ask the teacher if she has noticed what triggers the biting...and if perhaps your child or other children might be contributing to the problem by their actions. Kids are kids after all and don't always behave the way we want them too. If you address all sides, I'm sure you will get some resolution to the problem.

I would certainly want to know if my child was having issues so that I could help him. DS is not an excuse for bad behavior, but there may be underlying issues that are making the child feel fearful or aggressive. I want my child's experience in school, as well as the experience of his classmates, to be a positive one.

One last thing... I noticed one of the people who answered said you have to be careful because the child has a disease. That's rubbish. Down syndrome is not a disease, it is a genetic anomaly and it cannot be caught by a bite or by association.

Answer 3

You're right, that is unacceptable. I worked in a daycare center for 10 years. It was our responsibility to make sure that all children were monitered regardless of conditions. I would do exactly as you are doing. However, I would keep a diary of everything that happens (bites, meetings, calls, etc.). that way, if another incident occurs you will have evidence of reason to remove him. I'm saying this because we have all seen the court shows where the daycare sues for not giving 2 weeks notice.

Answer 4

I have not dealt with that but if this child has all tehse problems i think he should be with an aide at all times and supervised. Not be left alone and let him bite, hit etc.. other kids. If i dont see changes i would remove my child from that daycare. Try to ask for a meeting with the other child's parents to discuss this problem. Get other mothers involved.

Answer 5

This is a pretty hard situation to deal with, because even if they have someone around the other child at all times it may not stop all violent behavior, weather it be at this daycare facility or another there always seems to be at least one violent behavior child, and also when he goes to school, your son will have to deal with this, not saying it is right or OK, but maybe try telling your son to stay away from the child as much as possible, going to the daycare is a good idea, it will encourage them to talk with the other child's parents, maybe they have another facility that is better for the other child, that deals with this. good luck i hope you find a good resolution for everyone

Answer 6

That's odd for a child with Down's to be so violoent... Anyway, tell them this is unacceptable. The child has special needs and should be treated as such. You are sending your child there to be protected and cared for, not abused. At minimum, they should bring it to the attention of the parents and threaten to remove him. Most daycares would remove a child for less than this. Tell them if this is not handled by a set date, you will remove your child and your business from their establishment and file a complaint for neglect.

I would also encourage you to speak with other parents in the center who you know. If you all band together, you will definitely get better results.

Answer 7

Just speak with the Office and have the teacher present, as well. It is not out of the ordinary to be concerned for your child's safety when he/she is under the supervision of someone else's care. Be straight up about how you feel and it may be possible that the autistic child may need to be in a special class with the proper attention that he/she needs.

Best of Luck!

Answer 8

2 times is unacceptable, i would let them know this, and i wouldn't even bother going in to have a talk, i would change daycares to one that monitors children better.

Answer 9

I use to work in childcare. The biggest problem is that they need someone to be with him all the time. At the local Head start,where I worked for three years, we had a special needs child with violent tendencies. He had a classroom teacher all to himself. It didn't prevent all violent episodes, but it helped greatly.

Answer 10

Just make it very clear that you will not tollerate your child being injured. If that child or anything else is a high risk than they need to take extra precautions lest they be held liable. If they are not seeming proactive in resolving the situation than report them to the State department responsible for licensing and monitoring them.