I'm a virgin and I'm not sure if I'm ready to have sex yet...how do you know if you are ready?

Question

I'm 16 and my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. We both really want to and I think I am ready but he thinks I'm not. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Ok, let's look at this from a practical standpoint. First, the good news is that you've been dating for six months -- I think it's a good thing to know your first well enough to know that he will listen to your needs and be understanding at such an important time. The fact that he is the one saying that you aren't ready tells me that there is a good chance he'll treat you well.

Realize that there are risks. Pregnancy and diseases are the obvious ones. If he is also a virgin, the disease risk is pretty low -- if not, maybe he should get tested to give you some peace of mind (HIV at a minimum -- Planned Parenthood provides pretty cheap tests if a doctor isn't an option). As for pregnancy, while I believe that you could very will be ready for sex, I doubt you are ready for that, so you need to take significant precautions if you go through with it. Use a condom, at a minimum. If you can go on the pill, even better (though I'd still use the condom at your age -- keeps the risk very low).

So now that I've said my peace on how, let's talk about if you should. I believe that you are probably in a good situation for it to happen. I was the same age, as was the girl I experienced it with. In our case it was fine. In college, I ended up turning down sex from a girlfriend who was a virgin because I didn't think she was ready. She told me later that we should've done it because her first time ended up being far from special. It can be nice to get it "out of the way" so you don't have to worry about who your first time will be with. But I wouldn't have sex for no reason. If you really feel comfortable with him and that he will be understanding (remember, the first time can be painful, so you want someone who will listen to you if you need him to do something different), and you use proper precautions, and you really want to do it, I'd say go ahead. He probably won't be the guy you marry, but if it can be a mutually enjoyable experience and you do it safely, I don't think there's a reason to avoid it.

One last comment. Depending on where you live and how old he is, it may be illegal. While I normally wouldn't worry too much, I've heard of a number of cases where a younger girl sleeps with an older guy, her parents find out, and make sure he gets arrested for it. So that can be an additional complication. The link in my source list can help you find out if that is a problem for you.

Do what makes you happy. At least you seem to be in a good situation for this to happen. Better to happen like that than with someone who doesn't care about you. But it's your call, and nobody else can make it for you.

[Edited to add: I second that comment another poster made that you should be ready to turn down ANY guy who refuses to use a condom. If you can't have sex on your terms, don't do it. If he won't use a condom, he won't respect you anyway.]

Answer 2

I know you're 16 and you think you're ready for sex, but my advice to you is to wait. Sex is not something you do because you feel as though you're obligated to do it. Even though you've dated for 6 months ... time is still not a factor. You have to realize that sex has more involved with it than just losing your virginity. You would be giving the part of you away that no one has ever been able to get before. Sometimes, when he's got that ... he's done and on to the next one.

You have to think of sex in a spiritual way and believe that you are sharing a part of your soul with someone else and if this is not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with... why risk it? I know there is a lot of excitement about having sex, but trust me ... when something goes wrong... you're stuck with the guilt for the rest of your life. Don't put yourself in a position where you feel like you have to give sex to let someone know that you love them. Wait ... and Save Yourself. Trust Me... It's Worth It !

Answer 3

This guy is MARRIED meaning he's off the market and in no way available. He promised to love, honor and cherish the female he MARRIED. He also promised to be dedicated merely unto her because he's MARRIED. you are able to imagine that you want him, yet have self assurance it, he gained't go away his spouse for you. if you're so certain that he will, I recommend you pass to his spouse and ask her first. i'm certain she has no theory you're even in the photo.tell him see you later, because once issues initiate getting complicated it extremely is precisely what he is going to assert to you. that means that in case you pass with him and characteristic sex with him you aren't from now on merely stupid you're also a homewrecker and he's a cheater and a canines. No you ought to no longer provide your virginity to a MARRIED guy. he's not married to you and in case you're attempting this rather stupid and reckless difficulty you're absolutely the bottom of the gene pool.

Answer 4

YOU NEED TO WAIT UNTIL YOU KNOW HIM BETTER. My first was a guy i had been with for over a year and he pushed me to do it then and i didnt want to. Now I am with someone else and do it cause I love him. Think of it this way. Would you want to have a baby wiht this man, would he support you in the baby or would he leave ya hanging? Are you ready for all of the responsibility of having sex. I was 17 and wasn't ready, now im 19 and just now would be able to handle the responsibilities of the consequences. Just think about and talk to your mom that is what i did.

Answer 5

She's 16 years old! THAT IS TOTALLY OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE SEXUAL DESIRES. Younger ppl get **** thrown in their faces for having the same feelings as any older person. There are two factors to think about when wanting to have sex.
1. Physically....bet you're curious, sex is in many TV and movie scenes, sex is thrown in your face nearly 24/7. Question is...ARE YOU READY TO TURN DOWN EVERY SINGLE GUY WHO REFUSES TO WEAR A CONDOM?? that's the real question.
2. Emotionally...at age 16, having sex usually is not about "LOVE", it's about fulfilling one's hormonal urges, and it's completely natural and healthy. The Media tries to confuse watchers that sex equates to love, and so forth, but that's bullshit. It's really only emotionally healthy to have sex if the counterpart, male or female is within 2 or 3 years of your own age. This stops the spreading of STDs to younger people from older people of the Baby boomer generation, and helps prevent you from getting used for sex, but you'll like sex too if you follow my advice.

Answer 6

When you're ready you'll know. But think long and hard about why you're doing it, with who you're doing it with, and what's going to happen to the relationship afterward. Also think about STD's and birth control options before going about this. Also you want your first time to be with someone you won't regret, you may think you won't regret it now, but you're young, and things change. I was 16 when I lost mine, the guy was older, and he broke up with me afterward, so basically he wanted to take my virginity. I didn't think i would regret it before we did it, and now it's one of my biggest regrets, and I really wish I would have waited. I know now, that I wasn't ready when I thought I was. However, I've moved on since there is nothing I can do about it now.

Be careful, think about EVERYTHING before you make a decision. But also, don't rush into a big thing like that.

Good Luck.

Answer 7

if there is any question on whether you are ready or not, than you are not ready. If he thinks you are not ready, there even might be a chance that he is not ready. enjoy your relationship without the sex because believe me, what everyone says is true! sex changes a relationship...have fun with what you have now.

Answer 8

Sixteen is just to young to start. Look around you at the adults in your world. How many times have you seen grown men and women hurting and upset due to a relationship gone bad? It hurts more if you have had sex with him when the relationship ends. Take the time to enjoy being a kid because you will never get that back. Be glad that he respects the fact that you are young and is not pushing you for it.

Answer 9

If you think/believe you are then chances are you are ready, maybe he thinks your not because of how nervous you might get when you guys get close to it. Its completely normal to be nervous even if you really really want it to happen because its your first time, and you dont know what its going to be like. Take your time, dont rush things, and when the situation arises, where something can happen then it will when the time is right. It happens on its own basically. You will stop having this I dont know thought in your head, and just let it happen when its right. thats the best I can explain it. be safe, and dont worry about it when its right you'll know :)

Answer 10

If you have to ask someone else, then you definitely aren't ready. Also, I think it's very impressive that your boyfriend doesn't think you're ready - that shows respect, which is a very important part of a relationship and sex!

Good luck!