when is the right time to start a family?

Question

My husband and i dated for 3 years,and married for a year,he has a daughter of 7 years and im taking care of her as my own ,the thing is i feel ready to start our family but he always say to me its not easy to have a child he knows that from expirience cause the mother of the daughter left when she was 3months
I am 27 years old and feel ready to have a child of my own,we are both working and earn about 3000 euros a month im also scared that maybe that money wont be enough when we start a family
I am really confused and the time is going,he always says to me we need enough money first but i dont believe we will ever have,because every month the bugdet goes up,i do talk to him about this but now im tied,because he just feel as if im pushing him
So my question is when is the right time and age to start a family
Sometimes i just think he is being selfish because he already has his own

Answer 1

When having a kid is more important than going out; having the lastest, greatest toy, and when you can emotionally be ready to commit to that kid. Also, when you have a reasonable amount of income to make the kid's life a really good one....

Answer 2

You are both talking about this NOW?! Didn't you discuss it before you got married?

Stay for a weekend with a friend that has kids. YOU take care of the kids and give her a break. Then you will know if you are ready and mature enough.

This is how it is done in life: first you get an education, then you get a well-paying job, then you buy property, then you get married, and then and ONLY after all these other requirements have been met do you even think about cranking out babies. To do it in any other order is to shortchange the children.

Let me put it another way. Do you own your own home? Even the birds of the air know to make the nest BEFORE they lay the eggs! Will the children have their own yard to play in -- or are you going to try and raise children in an apartment or condo where the kids play in the street where vehicles traffic? It takes about $2,000/month to raise kids since as they get older they require medical checkups, shots, immunizations, dental (let's not even address the expensive issue of braces!), clothes, and they go through shoes like crazy. Children's shoes are more expensive nowadays - not like 30 years ago when you could buy a pair of tennis shoes for $6.00. Add to that school supplies and you get the picture. Schools always have some project going on.

What about the children? Less well-off kids want the same things that the well-to-do children have. Can you afford such things?

And most importantly: if you are working, what will you do with the children? Warehouse them all day in some daycare? There's a reason they don't make little children put in 8 and 10 and 12 hour days like adults do -- their little bodies and minds can't do it. Can one of you (either you or your husband) be there for them until they are older and are in school?

What if your child is born retarded? Can you afford the care? And don't tell me the 'state' will step in and pay the cost. I, as a taxpayer, am the state! Don't expect me and everyone else to pay because you can't be bothered to plan ahead.

What happens when you have the flu -- and the children suddenly come down with it as well? Will you be able to rise up from your sickbed (nausea and all) and go help them and change their bedding four times a night because they are constantly vomiting and don't make it to the bathroom in time? Can you stay up all night with them while you are sick too - and then keep going the next day?

These are all important issues you and your husband need to seriously think about. You are still very young and have plenty of time. You and your husband need to plan.

Answer 3

The right time is now. Let him know that you are not getting any younger and you would like to have a child now while you still can. Let him know that you understand that having a child isn't easy but you would like to have at least one of your own. Hopefully he will see things your way and grant your wish. You both didn't talk about having children before marriage? I know you can't turn back the hands of time but this should have been discussed so you wouldn't be going through this now. I really hope he sees things your way. Good luck.

Answer 4

If the mother left when she was 3 months old, Guess what, ask to adopt her as your own and sweety, you now have yourself a daughter who is legally yours and his together, I know you must want a child of your own with him but to be honest, he is right, it is VERY hard to take care of both money wise and mentally this day in age. Enjoy that you have a 7 year old that you can take places and care and love.
Make her YOUR OWN ask him if YOU can ADOPT her, if he says NO, then I would then think there is more to things then what is being said..

Answer 5

I think the best time to start a family is when you feel you are financially ready and emotionally meaning you feel you have accomplished everything that you wanted to for yourself because once you have a baby its not as easy to go do the things you could before baby you don't have to be filthy rich to have a baby but just know that you have enough to shelter feed clothe and doctor the child

Answer 6

Do not wait until you can afford it to have a family - you'll never do it. However, if he's not ready - don't force it - that's the worst thing you can do. Personal experience??? We waited and when we were ready - it took 7 years to get pregnant! Sometimes it's out of your control. Just remember that. If you are ready and his ONLY hold up is finances, then go for it - but he has to WANT it too. Find out if he's just using finances as an excuse because he doens't really want another child and just doens't want to tell you.

Answer 7

The best time is when BOTH of are ready. You should have talked to him about this before you got married. As for the daughter being HIS, well
since the biological mother has been out of the picture, you are her mother. Would you feel any differently about her if you had adopted her? She is YOURS also.

Answer 8

if you are waiting to have enough money then it will never happen unless you are rich. You shouldn't put an age limit or time limit on when to start a family, when it comes time to start a family you both will know and the money always works out, I would start by trying to put a little money aside so that when you are on maternity leave you won't be as stressed.

Answer 9

My mom was 19 when she had me. when you are both ready to have a kid then that is the best time i think. I dont think there is an age limit to start a family.

Answer 10

Maybe hubby thinks that his daughter won't like it if a new baby is brought into the picture! You could ask the little girl if she would like a sister or brother and see what she says!