My girlfriend doesn't want a child yet and I do...?

Question

what should i do? we are both in love with each other and i would really like to be a father and her be a mother but she doesn't want one yet. How can i convince her to have one or what should i do?

Answer 1

Don't pressure her. It's really hard to make the decision to have a child, even without someone pushing you. She will only resent you if she gets pregnant before she's ready. Just be supportive, open and show her what a good dad you'll be. It doesn't take much to make a woman want a baby.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, you can't convince her.

She has to want to do it, here are some tips:

1. Don't pressurize her as that will put her more off the idea
2. Find out what she thinks would be the ideal time and place to have a baby.
3. If she wants to accomplish more before she has a baby you need to respect that, as having a baby will be huge drain on her. Motherhood is hard enough but if you feel coerced into then the resentment will build up and come out towards you or the baby.
4. When a woman feels ready for a baby she knows it and the same for when she doesn't feel ready. It's not her fault she feels that way so don't blame her.
5. Show her that you are a financially & emotionally responsible person
6. Consider what your views are on parenting and starting a family. I.e. Do you see traditional roles where the mother stays at home and the father works? Would you expect her to have dinner waiting for you everyday? Do the housework? If yes, then you can appreciate why she wants to enjoy her freedom for a bit longer first.
7. Consider her views of parenting. Did she come from a good childhood? Or does she see children as something would put too much burden on you both as a couple?
8. Have you considered babysitting for another couple or playgroup? Or doing something to help you get your desire to have children in perspective. After working/babysitting someone else's kids for a whole day, you'll appreciate coming home to your own space.

I really want children myself - I;m not anti-kids. But I waited a year for my partner to be ready and now it's a beautiful enjoyable experience we can both share. Rather than 'my thing' that I've forced into our relationship. It makes a HUGE difference. When a baby comes you'll both have to work as a team so you need to make the 'baby decision' together.

Hope all this helps!

Answer 3

Sweetie key word here is Girlfriend!

Children need to be the result of Committed relationship. As in Marriage. One that won't end when it so easy to walk out of girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

I am so concerned for children born out or wedlock. So many times they wind up in blended families. Ones that are made of only one natural parent and step and half siblings.

When one makes the commitment to bring a child into the world they need to make a long term commitment to the mother/father of that child to stay together until that child is grown up and out on their own.

I your girlfriend does not want to have a baby at this point then you should not try to convince her otherwise. It would be unfair to her and your child.

You do not say how old you are... or how old your girlfriend are. Or how long you have been together.

Answer 4

dear friend,
thinking from a girl's point of view she's thinking of the responsibility and stability of the relationship.if you want a chid why don't you both get married then when the love for each other grows! with a sense of reponsibility u you can give it to the coming child!

Answer 5

Well seeing as she has the Uterus.. I guess she wins..

As for what you should do? Umm maybe Marry her first? Might show at least a slim margin of committment at least.

Personaly I think yer insane.. have you ever even been around kids? (talk about something thats gonna major change yer life)

I honestly do NOT understand peoples "need" to procreate..(really I dont mean to be snotty.. I just really dont understand it) Makes no sense to me at all...

Answer 6

Possibly she would like to be married before having a family? How long have you been together? Your ages also may be a significant factor. Your girlfriend may just want to build a nest egg, buy a home, be married, prior to starting a family.

Answer 7

i wouldn't try to change her mind if you presser her she might do it then latter regret it or wind up hatting you for it so just wait and she may change her mind on her own but if she's not ready then you'll just have to wait a lot of women have kids because there partner wants them and then later decides she doesn't want them and leaves or abandons then so the best bet would to wait

Answer 8

Hmm.. well maybe she wants to be engaged and get married first? Have you talked about that issue?? There has to be more to the fact that she does not want a child with you YET. You have to talk to her and get to the bottom of it.

Answer 9

YO Jesus!!! It can be scary for a woman to make that serious choice...GIve her time...This is probably whats on her mind..."Are we both finacially ready for the child?"..."Will he be a good father or will we be good parents?" .."will my baby be healthy?"...."Am I emotionally ready?"...Oh did i forget to mention its a painful hard process??? But just make sure you are really ready yourself....Then if you tell her & show her your definite ...Maybe she will want a child with you too...P.S..remember its "Her" choice...Bless the both of you...Later:)

Answer 10

Why would you want to force someone to have a baby when they are not ready yet???? Obviously YOU HAVE TO WAIT!!! You shouldn't even try to convince her! Be patient, you haven't married her, why should she have your baby????