How do you adjust to the changes that a new infant(s) bring. My pregancey was planned, with my husband, we discussed it throughly. Yet after the babies are here it has been a tough adjustment for us both. I find him starring into sky at times. Whenever one of us heads for the door, we automaticly grill each other to what time the other will be back. I didn't feel like this after my first child was born. It has been five years since a baby was in the house( now we have 2 babies( twins). I really need some advice about how to cope both of us are really trying. I was not a new parent so I didn't think it would be this difficult for us. The only person that seems to be adjusting well is their big brother. I thought these feelings would be gone by now. I knoe PPD may be the cause, but this has made me question my whole life, I thought I was smart and knew what was best for me obviously i was wrong? Any suggextions to how familes adjusted to changes in the household ?
2007-04-04 06:54:23 · 8 answers · asked by doubletree 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
PPD is pretty serious... and because you have 2 babies, you are actually at a higher risk.
With twins, your hormonal fluctuations are higher, and you are more tired. Your coping skills and strategies are more tested because of the added stress.
The most important things that you can do are:
1. Remember that you are a good parent - if your older child is doing well (you said that the big brother is adjusting well) this should tell you that you are doing a good job - even though it sometimes feels bad.
2. Try to reconnect with hubby. Is there any chance that you can take a couple of hours "off". It might help you both to get some down time.
3. Ask for help. You will get some good answers here, but talk to your doctor. I needed medication - I'm not ashamed of it, it was a chemical imbalance that I just couldn't bounce back from on the last pregnancy... and yours sounds even harder.
4. Pamper yourself - mom's don't ever find "me" time. Get a book, or some food that you like and take a bit of time for you.
5. Talk to someone. Have a friend, or even an e-pal, that you can just safely vent to. It's really hard for this to be your partner because you can't vent about him and because hubby usually tries to "fix" things. Sometimes you just need a safe vent.
I wish you luck and blessings.
2007-04-04 07:27:45 · answer #1 · answered by Alexandra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, stop being so hard on yourself. When you have one baby, things seem so easy. While that baby is sleeping, you can get all sorts of things done, or even have a nap yourself. There are even enough hours in the day to have a hobby or enjoy other activities. And for your husband, the new baby didn't make that big a change in his life. He still went off to work, came home to a nice, tidy house and a loving, well-groomed wife who still prepared nice meals for him. Before or after dinner, he would spend a little time with his son, then it was bedtime for baby and Daddy had the evening free to do whatever he wanted.
Suddenly there are TWO more babies on the scene. Things that were once so simple now become very complex. The demands on your time have increased exponentially. And you are tired. You have to look after one child during the day, and I'll bet the twins take turns waking up at night, just to make sure your sleep is disturbed. Sleep deprivation, by the way, is one of the biggest problems for parents of small children.
The best thing you can do right now is just relax. Don't be so hard on yourself, let your standards slip a bit. If the house is a shambles, you could consider getting a cleaning lady once a week. Or a baby sitter once a week, to give you a day off.
When you or your husband heads for the door, try to restrain yourself from getting a check-in time, or you'll both feel like there's a time-clock in the front hall that you have to punch in and out with. Make sure there is time for a hug before you or he leave, and another when you or he returns. Takes about ten seconds and makes all the difference.
You've got a few really tough months ahead of you until the babies get on a more reasonable schedule. Just be happy that big brother is adjusting well. Enjoy your family - they grow up all too soon. And you will survive.
Good luck!
2007-04-04 07:05:40 · answer #2 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't have twins but i do have 3 kids and took on my nephew too. My middle son has health problems and my youngest child has mental issues.. So i can relate to adapting.The thing is you just had twins. That is alot different than having one baby and you and your husband are older so things have changed. I suggest try and take some time for the 2 of you. When the kids are in bed try and make it a point to sit and talk and cuddle again. As you know having a baby is stressful if it is planned or not. It seems like both of you are overwhelmed. I know I would be. Just keep in mind that things will pass and and that no change is easy. Good luck to yall and congrats on the babies
2007-04-04 07:07:05 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read about this...
My friend just had her second child and her husband basically started cheating on her (dont be scared or anything) but it made me worry...So I got some information. One thing is that you are husband and wife first and parent's second. I know it sounds obserd but it makes sense after you back away from it. If there isn't a happy household the child can feel it and get stressed out no matter the age. You have to keep you partnership intacted. Set up date nights and get a baby sitter so just the two of you can get out together. Another thing is that hurt my friends relationship is that the baby (now 2) slept in their bed which destroys sex life. Just make sure that both of your emotional needs come first. I know its easier said that done but the date night is a good idea.
2007-04-04 07:04:02 · answer #4 · answered by Vada83 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, twins. I always wanted twins til I had 1 baby, and wondered how people handled it. Ours are a year apart, and we were the same way with the other person leaving, or Id grill my husband when he was 5 min late from work while I was full-time at home. Even with or without PPD, just lack of sleep can mess with your emotions, sleep seems to be the big thing (sleep deprivation is actually a form of torture)
2007-04-04 07:02:40 · answer #5 · answered by lillilou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
babies don't stay babies forever, so go with the flow and enjoy them while you can. however it does sound like you could use some relief. see if you can hire a day nanny to help take some of the workload off. and if you and hubby can find some time alone to just relax it should help quite a bit. we as parents often feel guilty if we don't give our children 120% of our efforts, but in reality we all need to learn to be a little bit selfish once in a while so that we can be better parents.
2007-04-04 07:23:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, Twins! Of course you're overwhelmed!
Honestly you just have to get thru it. Try enlisting your parents for help or planning an evening getaway once a week if you an afford a babysitter. There's no magic solution, but stick with it and I'm sure you guys will adjust if you keep communication open.
2007-04-04 07:02:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
this may be a no longer shopper-friendly one jointly as us of a with a married couple this may be a recipe for disaster the two one in each and each of u might desire to attempt to get alongside with one yet yet another excuse this is ur residing house and now hers too. she has no ideal to boss u around there are the variety to speak to somebody and it grew to alter into into okay to enable her now that usually ur busy and u cant do each and each element she needs i be attentive to its no longer shopper-friendly yet im advantageous u love ur brother so in ordinary terms attempt to get including her yet that does no longer mean she could be waiting to push u around reliable fulfillment
2016-10-21 00:35:43 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋