i havent seen my dad in 10 years he walked out on me on my 5th bday & now he wants to see me should i see him?

Question

ive been thinking about it recently and im really confused about it and i feel like a part of me is missing but if i see him it will change my life forever and it might be a mistake so im confused about it and i need some helf figureing this out =[

Answer 1

Yes, you are at a crossroads. You have no way of knowing which will be better for you in the long run - seeing him or not seeing him. So how do you choose? I've always found, looking back, that I regret NOT doing something, more than I regret things I did. So, my advice is to go ahead and see him. That way you'll know if you want him in your life any more or not. Otherwise, you'd always wonder.

Be sure to have friends and family close. You will need much support.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Ouch. Well, it kind of depends on what you want. If you've built up a fantasy of how it will be, understand that it probably won't be that way. This is a conflicted, confused guy. Human and flawed. People rarely do exactly what you expect them to.

Is your curiosity bigger than your desire for a specific outcome? If you can try to meet him with an open mind, then it might be worth it. Even if he says the right things, though, might be best to remind yourself that his track record isn't so good, so you'd better see how he acts over time rather than just take him at his word right off the bat.

How about meeting in a public place, like a restaurant in a mall, so you have an "out" if you aren't happy with the way things are going? Plan to meet friends to go to the movies at a certain time (say 8 p.m.), and tell your Dad you want to have dinner at 6 p.m., because you have plans at 8.

He should be okay with this, because he's an adult and should understand that he walked out on you and was a no-show for years, so he's going to have to let you decide the pace, and prove himself to you.

See how dinner goes, then if he asks when you'll see him again, tell him you want to think about it. Take a day or two to mull over how things went and what you think about it, then decide if you want to see him again. He may have changed, but that's something you can't know unless you get to know him, which will take time.

If all of this sounds just too risky and upsetting, then ask him to write you a letter. Tell him you will write back. Explain that you're just not sure you're ready to meet face-to-face yet.

Either way, his response will tell you a lot about what to expect. Remember, it's up to you how much, or if, you let this person into your life, and you can always change your mind later if the situation seems to warrant it. Good luck!

Answer 3

Wow, that's got to be difficult. Personally, if it was me I would want to see him. If for no other reason than the fact that, as you desribed it, you feel like there is a part of you missing. If you don't go to see him you'll never know for sure if he is that void you feel in your life. You are right it will change your life but it might be for the better because you will know rather or not all of the attention you have focused on him being absent from life was well spent or if you'd be better off keeping him out of your life. I don't know whether or not you have been told why he left but meeting him might be an opportunity to clarify any misunderstandings that exists.

Its all right to be confused, this is an awkward decision to have to make. To be honest, though, I hope you decide to see him.

Answer 4

My dad walked out on me when I was 6 mos old and never looked back. So I know how it hurts not to have your dad around. You have to be sure you are prepared to handle the emotions that will go with seeing him. If you decide to see him, don't do it with false hopes. Accept things as they are, and don't expect too much from him-to save yourself dissapppointment if things don't work out the way you want them to. I think you owe it to YOURSELF to at least give it a shot. This would be your chance to see if he is worth it(to you) to try to get to know him. But if you are just not comfortable, wait, and there will come a time that you are. I did that and discovered that my dad is not the kind of person I want in my life. And I'm glad I found out. Good luck!

Answer 5

See your dad for you, not for him. You say you miss him, but if you see him it might be a mistake? The mistake would be not to put closure to this situation one way or the other.He could have very well been a different man when he left so don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to really meet this man that I am sure you have wondered about. If it works out then enjoy having him in your life again, if it doesn't, then know that you tried and that is all that is required of us!! Whatever the outcome, you are not responsible for his behavior, only yours!

Answer 6

Talk to your mother or a trusted elder who know him well n know the reason why he left in the first place. When you are willing to learn to forgive, then consider meeting him n sorting it out. It may take a long time n lots of heartache though. But if he is truly repentant or if he had a legitimate reason for leaving you, you can reconcile with him n have your dad back.Truth is, now that you know he is there, you will not be resolved in your heart even if you choose not to meet. You robably will not have a piece of mind anyway. If you want, you can call or sms him to explain to you in letter first the reason for his 'abandonment'. Think about it, talk to trustworthy adults about it, then decide if you can accept it n let the past go away.

Answer 7

Of course you should see him. He had issues with your mother
not you. Maybe she wouldn't let him see you, or made it very
difficult. Give him a chance, he's the only father you'll ever have,
If for some reason it doesn't go well, you don't have to see him
again. I think you'll regret it if you don't see him. You may have
children some day and he will be their grandfather. Don't miss
out on the possibility of a great relationship. Good luck

Answer 8

Who told you he walked out on you?

He obviously left your mother - but you?

When marriage breaks up hurtful things get said and it frequently happens that fathers find access made difficult.

But please no matter who was to blame for the marriage split - he did not walk out on you. Anyone who suggests that is being malicious!

You have nothing to loose and lots to gain from meeting your father. He may be the same man, he may have changed considerably. You will not know because your memories will not have been strong ones.

You may find you do not like him and having given it a fair go decide it is not for you. In that case you will not go on wondering what would have happened and you can get on with your life.

Hopefully you will meet, take it slowly and gently over a number of meetings and get to know each other. Whether that leads to more meetings and any sort of relationship will depend on what you both find and feel.

You do not say whether you are married but please also think that both parents can give emotional support on getting married, having children and a whole host of things. I am sure that if you have children they would greatly value having a grandad.

Nothing to loose - lots to gain. Go for it with no preconceptions and your eyes and mind open.

Good luck!

Answer 9

It won't be a mistake, go ahead and see him.

There are two sides to every story and you don't have his. Don't expect too much, but it really can't hurt to at least talk to him. The fact that he is asking to see you is a good sign, don't down play that point. If nothing else, it will help you move on from this point forward without wondering as you have been.

Good luck.

Answer 10

I was in a similar situation, my Dad left when I was 2, I saw him for the first time about 2 years ago. Although things have not gone the way I wanted them to, he doesn't call me very often..etc. I still feel better that I met him. now I don't wonder all the time. Good luck!