How long do you date someone before you start getting them involved with your kids? My boys are little (31/2 & 1 1/2) and my boyfriend is a bachelor who has very little exposure to small kids. How do I bring them together? And at what point do I start to get annoyed that he hasn't made the effort to get to know them? There dad is a part of their lives, sees them every weekend and one weekday and my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months now.
2007-04-04 05:01:26 · 15 answers · asked by passionatemilf 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is getting to know them through me. And I do invite him to spend time with us, but maybe I'm planning to much time at first, ie zoo trips. Perhaps I'll start with a lunch.
2007-04-04 06:13:50 · update #1
Maybe start by going on a picnic at the park. Introduce him as Mommy's friend. Do things the kids like a gradually build up from there. See how your boyfriend reacts with them, and them to him. With him being a bachelor with little exposure to small children you need to be the one who gets this started. He probably has no idea on what to do with them. Start the introductions and then take it from there. If the kids do not like him and/or he doesn't seem to be doing good with them, let him go and find some one else. Hope this helps.
2007-04-04 05:11:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it very slow. Don't get him involved with the kids until you are sure he could be a permanent part of your life. Avoid having your kids get attatched to someone who is not permanent because they will get hurt emotionally when you break up.
Three months isn't very long in the scheme of things. Does he seem interested in the kids? Does he ask about them, trying to get to know them through you? He may be waiting for you to choose the right time to meet the kids. If he is, though, he will be asking about them and interested about them. If he gives no sign of interest, then he's not permanent, so why bother having him meet the kids?
2007-04-04 05:10:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait alot longer, three months is not anything serious yet. Your kids need toknow that they come first. Its good that they have their Dad in their lives becuase your boyfriend isnt their dad or will be. He has to want a relationship with them. To introduce them meet someplace nuetral like for ice creal or the mall. make them short visits so they arent overwhelmed. Increase the number of times and duration as they bevcome more familiar with each other. I have 2 stepkids and we have the best relationship, but i have always wanted it from the beiginning if your bf doesnt he is not the guy for your family
2007-04-04 05:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by debbie v 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a single dad who has his kids half time, I talk it over with the gf and see if/when they are ready.
If they are never going to be ready, well... I guess that bodes ill for the future.
I have the luxury of being able to schedule time so as to keep them apart unless some emergency comes up. But even so, people vary in their reaction.
I had one gf who tried to mother the kids too much - they didn't like it.
I had another gf who wanted nothing to do with them and freaked when an emergency landed them in my lap for a few hours. That relationship didn't go far :-)
3 months ... hmmm
I wonder if it's time to have a little chat with him and let him see that the kids are a real big part of your life that he's missing out on, and if he continues to miss out on a major part of your life well ... I guess that sort of means he's going to not play a major role in your life, doesn't it.
2007-04-04 05:09:13 · answer #4 · answered by Orinoco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same thing too... I got annoyed with my boy friend and asked him why he dosent make an effort to meet my 2 year old son and he said was dating me not my son so he saw no need in ever meeting my baby...THAT DID NOT MAKE SENCE TO ME... so i dumped the loser even though i really liked him alot.... i think our little boys are to precious to introduce to some guy... especially if its only been 3 months( I probably think this way now, after being hurt by me ex boyfriends comment) I guess if he hasnt even made an effort to meet them then he probably dosent care to for now... Good luck :-)
2007-04-04 05:10:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you're serious that he's the one you'll stay with, introducing children to new male adults isn't a great idea. I know single people that dated men for years, and the break-up was devestaing to them. The instability reflected in the children. From my observation (friends and a family member), boys take it hard, even though they don't show it, but act out in other ways, because men seem "replaceable". One child I know ended up in an alternative school, even though this child is exceptionally bright. This is a HUGE decision, and stability is very important to young children.
2007-04-04 05:06:42 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say that the time for him to get involved is when you are going to take it to the next step, and have him in your life. Like toward marriage or living together or whatever. The kids have a dad, who is involved in their lives, so they probably don't need a daddy figure. If things move more toward a long term relationship or a lifetime relationship, then that issue would be more relevant.
2007-04-04 05:06:06 · answer #7 · answered by auditor4u2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After about two months. If he is not interested in the kids, you better see about letting him go. You could be in for a big let down and a life of trouble. I had four little kids and married someone who did not like the kids. I met someone after our divorce who loved the kids dearly even though we never married he was very interested in the kids and helped until they graduated.
Later I met a man that also loves them and we married last year.
2007-04-04 05:10:29 · answer #8 · answered by lizzybit64 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three months and you're annoyed? You're rushing things, esp. with a guy who's never had kids himself.
Be thankful he's not using your kids insincerely as a way of getting closer to you. Buying them toys, taking them places, just to display to you what a sensitive, nurturing man he is.
First meetings should be as casual and noneventful as possible, without any fanfare or announcement. Your kids are really little, so they're going to pick up on your mood. If you appear nervous or apprehensive, they're going to burst into tears as soon as he walks into the room.'
Good luck.
2007-04-04 05:09:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 3 months he should have taken a little interest in your children. He doesn't want a family relationship. You can't take the cat without the kittens and he obviously isn't mature enough for you. Maybe he isn't ready for that and all the pushing isn't going to help. I would move on and get a man that is willing to give you some help.
2007-04-04 05:08:21 · answer #10 · answered by Luv2no is in the house 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋