Paternity test ??mixed feelings??

Question

Okay i am 27 yrs old and my hubby is 35 we have been married 6 yrs not so happily he cheated and i cheated to get back at him (but he does not know that).The man i had an affiar with was an ex.bf from highschool that i met while at the mechanics(he is the owner of the shop).It was very emotional and i still have feelings for this man.I ended the affair and went to therapy with my hubby.I found out i was pregnant with twins during this time an never questioned patenity till now because of certain features on my daughter and son (i see my ex.bf in them but am not sure if its guilt).My kids are 3.5 yrs old and hubby i have been seperated from my hubby 1.5 yrs.I think getting a paternity test done on my kids will ease my mind but am afraid to because i have bad feelings they are not my husbands?I want whats best for my kids what do you think?

I am not yet divorced

Answer 1

if this is going to trouble you, then yes get a paternity test, its best for all concerned,, if you seriously think the children may not be your ex husbands,,,,,,,,, you cant go threw life looking at them for signs of who fathered them,,,,,,,
a trait or feature you see in them , might be from the boyfriend, but it could also be from a grandparent, or just their own individuality
ps: try to place yourself in the(either ) mans position,, we as women know who our children are, unless a mix up happens at the hospital,,,,,, how would you feel if there were children out there of yours whom you didnt know about,,,,,, or if you had children you thought were yours yet they really were not?,,,,,, i know its hard to imagine,,,,,,,, but also i know just the thought would drive me crazy,,,,,,,,, men do have a right to know, and mothers have a obligation to tell them,,, the truth

Answer 2

Are you prepared for what the consequences will be if they are not your husbands children. If not, then I would wait. What about the ex boyfriend....is he married? How would he take the news and would you want him in your life for the next 14+ years. Is your husband a good daddy? These are just a few of the questions you need to think about. I would suggest finding a counselor that can help you sort through other questions and your feelings and find out which is the best way to proceed for the kids. They are the main thing you need to focus on right now because this has the chance to completely change their lives.

Answer 3

Well it's certainly a difficult situation. I can see how on one hand you feel a kinship with this unborn child - but also how you can feel slightly used by your cousin ( even if you do love the kids more than anything) I think if it were me ( and I'm certainly not perfect ) I would want her to provide some sort of financial support for this new baby if I were to take it. If she sees you only as her way out of mother hood scott free, she is likely to continue to keep doing as she is. Maybe if she has to have some responsibility she will at least think about settling down. Maybe you could take the baby and she could pay support until a certain age, then you could legally adopt it. I don't think I would just take it and act as if everything was fine. I don't know how you are affording 7 kids - God bless you for it and all - but I've got 3 and I'm pregnant now and it is HARD. It takes every penny. Another option would be you could offer to take this one if she gets her tubes tied. You could pay for it yourself or there may be some sort of agency that will pay for it. Actually now that I think about it - that's what I would do! At least then you know you won't have anymore to take care of. Sounds harsh, I know, but there needs to be a limit here.

Answer 4

That is a pretty tough situation. You have to weigh your options. Do you want to just leave things as they are and let your exhusband be the father, or would you like to know. Have you spoken to the "potential" father to see how he feels. I would suggest asking him (indirectly of course). If you do decide to have the test done and he is the father and doesn't want the responsibility then your children will be left with no father. I know many people will disagree, but biology is only one part of being a parent and in my opinion the least important. If your exhusband is good to your kids and has no doubt then don't rock the boat for the sake of doing what someone considers "the right thing".

Answer 5

This should have been done immediately- now the answer will hurt everyone involved.

My personal opinion is that a man should not have to raise and support someone else's children. As women we do not face this dilemma and can easily pass judgement as to what is best for the child- ignoring the parental rights of the father.

Perhaps the man you cheated with would love to know he has two children.

I suggest you get the test.

Answer 6

You're not with either of the possible fathers so it isn't like it's going to break a family apart. You might as well get the paternity test so you can put your mind to rest.
I'm not sure... Do you need to get both of the possible fathers' DNA samples or just one? If it's just one I would suggest getting your exboyfriend's, because the husband doesn't know and if it turns out that the children are his then there'll be nothing to worry about.

Answer 7

DOES YOUR HUSBAND SUSPECT THAT THESE CHILDREN ARE NOT HIS? HOW DOES HE TREAT THEM? YOU SAY THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR 1.5 YEARS....DOES HE TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN? FINANCIALLY, PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, ETC.? YOUR EX BOYFRIEND--WHAT TYPE OF FATHER MATERIAL IS HE? HOW WOULD HE REACT IF HE THOUGHT THEY WERE HIS? HOW WOULD HE CARE AND PROVIDE FOR THEM?

YOU ARE RIGHT TO SAY THAT YOU WANT WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR CHILDREN. THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING HERE. AND CHILDREN NEED A GOOD, LOVING FATHER TO PROVIDE FOR THEM. (WHETHER YOU ARE TOGETHER WITH HIM OR NOT).

THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF THE QUESTIONS THAT YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF. YOU NEED TO WEIGH ONE AGAINST THE OTHER. BUT SOMETHING ELSE TO CONSIDER IS THIS.......THEY HAVE KNOWN ONLY YOUR HUSBAND AS THEIR FATHER SINCE BIRTH. TO CHANGE THAT AND INTRODUCE SOMEONE NEW WOULD BE QUITE DEVASTATING I WOULD IMAGINE. AND YOU ALSO HAVE TO CONSIDER THE MEDICAL ASPECT OF THIS SITUATION. YOU NEED TO KNOW THE MEDICAL HISTORY OF THEIR FATHER FOR OBVIOUS REASONS. TERRIBLE MEDICAL SITUATIONS CAN ARISE WITHOUT WARNING, AND---GOD FORBID---SAY THEY NEEDED AN ORGAN OR WHAT HAVE YOU, THE PARENTS ARE THE FIRST CONSIDERATION......DO YOU SEE WHERE I AM GOING WITH THIS?

YOU HAVE A HARD SITUATION ON YOUR HANDS AND I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERN. TAKE YOUR TIME AND REALLY THINK THIS THING THROUGH BEFORE MAKING ANY RASH DECISIONS. YOUR DECISION WILL NOT ONLY AFFECT YOUR TWO SMALL CHILDREN, BUT IT WILL ALSO AFFECT THE LIVES OF TWO GROWN MEN. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR BABIES.

Answer 8

I beleive you have to get this test done! It is only fair to everyone involved! As someone else has mentioned there are medical reasons involved as well. You have to be woman about this and stand up and do the right thing witht his situation. Your twins also have a right to know who their real daddy is and these dads have a right to know as well!! good luck

Answer 9

Come clean with your hubby,if you are getting a divorce anyhow.Then have the tests done to ease your mind.

Answer 10

If you have worked stuff out and have a good marriage now does it really matter whose kids they are. if you are raising them together now does it matter if they genetically might not be his? I would let it be because if they turn out not to be his it will probably just make a whole new set of trouble. As long as you raise them together and love them they are your children regardless of genetics.