How do you prepare for a final Goodbye?

Question

I have a 17 year old Persian cat called Belle who is severley ill. I have taken her to the vet every day for the past week but she is not making any improvement in her health. She has fluid in her lungs and has lost so much weight. The vet has said he cannot operate due to the weight-loss and has told me that I should begin to consider induced euthansia.
Even though Belle is still alive, I know that I only have a few more days with her. I have been crying uncontrollably ever since I realised that the end of our companionship is coming ever closer. None of my friends realise how attached I have become to my Belle and I am very worried about how I will cope in the future.
To look at Belle now, she is very weak - she doesn't eat, her breathing is laboured and she has slight trouble moving around. She still responds to me, and starts to purr as soon as she see's me. It hurts so much to see her like this and I know that the only thing I can do to take away the pain is to put her to sleep.

I just wanted to thank all of you for answering - your comments and understanding mean alot to me. I will post another message after the weekend to let you know how things went. Thank you.

Sadly, Belle passed away on Good Friday. I'd like to thank all the people who offered such kind words and support.

Answer 1

i am sorry to hear about your cat ,i understand only to well what its like to have to make that descion.
my dog had the same symptoms he was 18 when we had to make that descion to have him put to sleep it broke my heart literally he was part of my family and i mourned his death for years hes been dead 5 years tommorow and there is not a day that does not go by i dont think of him,my heart really goes out to you because i know what you are going through,i would spend as much time as you can with your cat and make her as comftable as possible until that day comes.crying is your way showing your cat your love and let no one tell you that you should not be showing your emotions.
when my dog was put to sleep i had him cremated and he has a wooden box with his ashes in on my mantle peice.i had his name and birth date on there and put a small poem on there which was.you might not be here bengy in body but you are here in spirit and you might be gone but never will you be forgotten.i dont know how you will cope when your cat has to be put down ,but you will mourn your cat for a long time,i was told i was stupd for loving my dog so much ,and that made me mad i still think about bengy every day and remember all his good points,and every year i put a flower on his box and say a prayer for him.i know this wont be easy but your cat needs you to make the right descion and i really feel for you and wish you all the best.

Answer 2

Been there, done that 3 times, and it doesn't get any easier. It sounds trite, but time *is* a healer, and after a while you will be able to remember the good times and not just the bad.

If Belle is suffering then you have to be brave and talk to your vet. I know its hard, but life is like that - you have had 17 wonderful years with her but there comes a time when all good things have to end. Take strength in the fact that everyone who has answered you so far feels your pain and understands what you are going through. Non pet owners just don't understand and can't believe the way that cats (and dogs) can worm their way into your lives and hearts and take over. But anyone who has had a pet and looked after them well for any length of time will be feeling for you at this time.

Answer 3

King Orca first let me offer condolences on the potential lose of your pet & companion. There is no easy way to prepare other than realizing that your beloved Belle is suffering. You have to love her enough to put her down. Once u realize it's what is best for her, u will do the right thing quickly.

Then u will continue to mourn the loss. It's natural, it's right and u will move on with life with Belle in your heart. Take the best memories, the best pictures of her and make a scrapbook of wonderful memories of the two of you. Writing can be very theraputic wheither in a journal, an open ended letter, or a pet memorial website online... whatever u feel brings u forward a step at a time with living without her. Maybe in time u will find in your loss that adopting a pet from a local animal shelter will ease some of your loss. Realize no other animal can or would want to replace Belle. She sounds like she was an extrodinary cat.

Give yourself permission to grieve and realize you will move forward on YOUR timetable. Seek comfort from friends and other pet lovers who share your loss. Give Belle & u peace

Answer 4

I'm really sorry. This made me eyes fill up with tears.

I don't think there's much you can do stop the grieving, that's just something you have to go through. I just want you to know that you'll be doing the best thing. Belle is old, and has had a good long life. It does sound like the time has come. I know it's hard because she still purrs at you and seems happy - but you don't want to get to the stage where she can't even purr for you anymore, that would be awful. Best to do it before she really starts to suffer I think.

I'm sorry none of your friends really understand. I hope you have some good vets and nurses at your surgery who can support you during this time. You have my full support. My 18 year old cat died suddenly 7 months ago, and athough I couldn't complain because she was old, died suddenly, didn't suffer and hadn't appeared ill, I still felt a bit cheated because I hadn't been with her. I always figured she would just get very old and I would be able to choose when to say goodbye to her, but I spose she had other ideas! In retrospect, I'm now quite glad I didn't have to make that decision, because it's an awful one, even when you know it's right - and you seem to know that it is.

My thoughts are with you - be brave for Belle, because I think she'll be grateful for it, and in time you will feel better, and you'll always have the memories to comfort you.

Take care,
Chalice

Answer 5

I was so sad to hear about you and Belle. My heart goes out to you both. You must monitor her every day. I know you can't let her go at this time, and maybe she can't let go of you either. But she is dying, and the greatest thing you can do for her is to let her die quickly and without pain. So hard to choose when that time is there! Not even the vet can help with that one. But if you and Belle are really close, the look in her eyes will tell you when she's ready. Then you need to be strong, for both of you. Don't let her suffer. You will always keep the good times. And both of you will be spared the horrors and pain of holding on too long ....
Hope all goes well.
Am so sorry.

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel. I currently have two dogs and a cat. A couple of years ago my beloved 10 year companion Sheba (labrador) suddenly lost lots of weight and became seriously ill, within a matter of days she lost about 5 kilos, her kidneys and liver started to pack up and her eyesight went. The vet found a tumour under her chest bone and sent off a biopsy. She still responded to me and never cried/wimpered until one morning she heard me moving around and I spoke to her and she just wimpered and I knew instantly that she had had enough. When I called the vet they wanted me to wait for the biopsy results and take her to a University Veterinary Hospital and I said no, she's had enough, I can't do this to her. It is a really difficult time but I would suggest it is best if you are with your friend at the time as this provides comfort for them. When Sheba was laid on the table and they started the injections she just raised her head and laid it against my stomach and then she went. It felt like she was saying thank you. At the end of the day it is only us who suffer, if there is little chance of recovery or the recovery would be a hard struggle for the animal I feel it is best to let them have a little dignity and put to rest. I think of Sheba every day and she was my best friend but at least now she is at rest. The only ones who suffer when we let them go is ourselves, they are released. I don't know if you believe in God or anything but look up Rainbow Bridge on the internet, supposedly a place where animals go before heaven to wait for their owners..... It helped me a great deal and I'm not really a believer. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

There's no easy way to say good bye. You have probably spent more time with her than you have with many members of your family, unlike people, pets are always pleased to see you and never in a bad mood. The kindest thing for her sake would be to follow your vets advice, he will know how attached you are and wouldn't recommend what he has, if it wasn't in your pets best interest. It sounds as though she's already slipping away, better for her if you can be with her to comfort her and tell her you love her, than when you've had to leave her alone perhaps to go to work or the shops etc.
Be brave for both your sakes. Cats are very intuitive and pick up on your emotions.
It is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but perhaps not quite as hard as seeing her suffer.

Answer 8

I really feel for you, We had to get our 15 yr old cat put to sleep last year(tumour). It was an incredibly emotional time for all of us. I wept for days afterwards and still occasionally do. Lots of cuddles now are all you can do and if possible try not to be too upset in front of Belle as they can sense when you are upset.
Our cat was really calm at the vets when we took her and the vet was so kind, we had a few mins alone with her and i held her as she drifted off( very peacefully). We took her home and buried her in the garden. I do console myself with the thoughts that she gave us so much joy and happiness over the years that it was only fair that i didn't let her suffer.
I wish you all the luck in the world and you will be in my thoughts. XXX

Answer 9

I feel so bad for you! Just spend as much time with her as possible, and when the time comes, stay by her side and pet her! She knows you have loved her all these years. Make sure you have a nice picture of her so you can put it on her urn if you get her creamated. You are a very brave person. Stay strong! I dont want to make this about me, but my dog is getting up there in age , and I have been thinking about what I would do when the time comes. I guess just try to remember the good times and what a companion our animals really are to us. You have to be an animal lover to understand.

Answer 10

As much as it may hurt you the only thing you may be able to do is to put her to sleep. She has had a long life and if you decide to do that you are not being selfish you are being selfless. That means you are caring more about her than about your own emotions. I had to do this with my cat Scamper. After we put him down I cried for days and felt guilty. It was my vet that told me it was a selfless thing to do and it finally sank in. What helped me is that I put up a memorial to Scamper at the website I found for dog and cat memorials. I have become close friends with the owner of the website. Feel free to e-mail me and I will give you the address, okay? Good Luck
Mitch
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