my sons father wont pay child support, he only calls his son maybe once a month and has only had him over for the weekend 6 times in the last year. for most of that it was because his new girlfriend did not like our son and would not have him at her house. (my son is 4) now he is not living with her so he wants to have him over, but he refuses to tell me where he lives. i have told him no because he wont pay child support or tell me where he lives or make an agreement to have him on regular basis AND STICK TO IT. he says that im stopping him from seeing his son and that he will hate me for it when he grows up. i dont want to stop my boy from seeing his dad but its hard to see his dissapointment when his dad says he will see him and then cancels at the last minute.
am i doing the right thing? will my son hate me when he grows up?
2007-04-03 23:15:11 · 13 answers · asked by princess_cheeks09 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I had the same issues and you are doing the right thing. It's his father who is wrong he choose a woman over his child. He needs to be a man and take responsibilty for his child. I won't let my child go either if I did not know where he lived and he kept playing games. HE is the one making your son confuse. He needs to pick days that he will show and be there for his child. Go to your local child support enforcement agency and file papers if you h ave not already. If he is working and you have a ss# they can trace that. Your son will resent not you but his dad for not being there and making promises he can't keep. You can't see your child when you feel like it at your son's age it is confusing that daddy does not show up when he says he does. Just don't say anythingnegative a bout his dad in front of him and let your son know how much he is loved. Any women or men who gets involved with a person with children need to know the children come first and are apart of that persons life if they cant handle it date someone without kids. Your ex needs to understand your son is not a toy that he can play with and toss aside.
2007-04-03 23:52:30 · answer #1 · answered by bbinqueens33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter what his new girl wants, He's the biological father and it's not none of her business what she wants . That was a past relationship of what he had and now he has responsibilities. First off you need to know if he has a job and if so you need to find out where he work so the state can take the child support out of his check. You can also take him to court about the situation of visiting hours and if he does not agree, he can custody taken from him. You don't need the father to step up in his life but have a male role model for that child. Have ever heard you can do bad all by yourself. Also I don't think your son will hate you if you tell him the truth of why he never seen his daddy that much, all your son needs to know is that you tried. You can't make a man step up and take responsibilities for his actions, He has to do that on his own.
2007-04-03 23:32:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the anwser is no! he will not hate you. This happend to me when i was young but the other way around. my mom never paid child support, never called, never cared about me and my brothers. I was 6 when she left us. my dad would tell us that she was very busy, but we knew that she wanted nothing to do with us, so just recently i get a call(im 19 now) she had the nerves to tell me she missed me and loved me very much. But me being me, i couldnt hurt her feelings like she did mines so i accepted her proposal, was that a good thing? no. How would have my dad felt if he knew? hurt. but guess what just cause those words came out of her mouth doesnt mean she meant it. And i know she didnt. cause then she would have been there in the past. Gosh im sorry im venting to you about this but anyways back to your problem, If he doesnt pay the child support, he is in the wrong, if it took his girlfriend to say no i dont want him over then Fu*k that. If i had a son or daughter and for some reason me and my wife split up, no matter what anybody was to say i would see my kid......but thats just me, some ppl are weak and forget that they are growen up with kids. so i say in till he pays up and tells you where he lives, he doesnt get to see his suppose son. cause if he is not willing then neither should you. Your boy doesnt need that in his life. father or no father he will love you forever and always. You are strong, keep it that way. and yes you are doing the right thing :) lol im sorry i get side tracked all the time.
2007-04-03 23:32:21 · answer #3 · answered by quikblue11 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're doing nothing wrong. The fact that the father is not telling you where he lives is VERY suspicious. Also, if the guy is going to not see his son just because his girlfriend doesn't like it, his priorities obviously aren't in the right place. Not to mention, he's trying to lay a guilt trip on you, which is a pathetic way to get what you want. Make sure your son knows who his father is, but if the father can't be responsible and mature, save the actual face-to-face meetings for the future.
2007-04-03 23:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by msxcheshirexcat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will tell you this, IT IS AGAINST THE LAW FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR CHILD'S FATHER FROM SEEING your son. I've been through that too and was in the same boat. My lawyer said it doesn't matter if he pays child support or not, you can't keep him from seeing the child, nor use visitation as a tool to collect child support. DO you have a child support order?? I do and have only ever recieved 3 child support checks in over 10years. My kids are now grown and gone, my ex hardly ever saw them while they were growing up- but now that they are grown... he's starting relationships with them. I know how you feel... he sees the child, makes promises then drops out of his life for a while, then shows up and starts over again. Very sporadic visitation. If this keeps up, you can take him to court to sever his parental rights and keep him from the child, but you have to have very good documentation of broken visits.
2007-04-03 23:36:45 · answer #5 · answered by tiggerkitty3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your son will hate you at times now but as he gets older and it gets more apparent that "dad" is a disappointment he will get over it as far as child support I have no problem with it although at times I think taking more than half his money (as many do) is unfair he could even be embarassed about where he is (living with mom or something) don't deny his son seeing him but make sure you have boundaries as it looks he is a prime candidate to take your son from you and run.
2007-04-03 23:23:51 · answer #6 · answered by Bear_Polaroid 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can ask the court for a visit with a caseworker present to make sure he doesn't steal your son. I know this sounds bad, but it'd hard to trust a guy like this.
2007-04-03 23:19:53 · answer #7 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your son will not hate you when he grows up.
He will understand his father isn't reliable and doesn't keep his word. He will also see that you were the only one who was there full time for him.
Hope this helps and good luck.
2007-04-03 23:26:12 · answer #8 · answered by eyes_of_iceblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you are doing the right thing and i would get the court system on him. about your son hateing you, of course not your his mom he cant hate you, you take care of him, you love your son and he loves you just remember:
Mother is God in the eyes of a child.
2007-04-03 23:20:12 · answer #9 · answered by AshlynnisaCR8ZYgurl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him see the dad its only fair to both of them. As far as child support if you need it get it, if your doing fine without it don't worry about it, don't be a mooch.
2007-04-03 23:20:35 · answer #10 · answered by T-Man 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋