Predicament with wedding guests 2 parts?

Question

I am having a problem with planning my wedding. I really do not want children at my wedding. There are various reasons, cost of $30 a plate, I want this to be elegant, I don't really like kids and the big one I am wearing a strapless dress and I was at a wedding where this group of little girls kept following the bride everywhere and finally one of them stepped on the dress and down it came to reveal that she was not wearing a bra that day! Anyway I don't want to invite children however there has to be an exception for a few of my close relatives. It would only be maybe 4 kids total. My problem is how do you say no kids and then when your guests arrive and see that there are a few choice children? Another problem I have is some of my cousins, who I am not close with, have children that are teenagers. We decided that inviting the 2nd cousins is a bit much and there has to be a line drawn somewhere. Neither of us want a wedding where there are people we don't know personally.

This is a served dinner as well so I was thinking of only including enough RSVP meal cards for those invited. Is this ok to do? I thought about writing adults only on the invitations but I think some of my cousins with kids who are 16 would consider them as adults. I am just confused.

Umm I am having this wedding because we love each other very much! One of my choices not to have children is because I think they add to stress levels. My wedding is not about whose is bigger and more expensive. And yes mombless I don't like kids. Neither does my husband to be. We are not having children and no I am not getting my tubes tied he has gotten a vasectomy to take care of that problem. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. So you choose to populate the world that is your choice. I have other things in life that I want to do. Children are not a part of it. This does not make me a bad person. I just don't want kids. I don't know why you feel the need to take defense to my life decision not to have children.

By the way the "choice kids" are those of my family members that are traveling from across the country to be here. They have no family where they live and they plan on staying here for a week. They cannot leave their children with a friend for that long. They are staying at the hotel next door to the resturant and after dinner once the drinking and the music really start up one of them is taking the kids to the room and watching movies. They said they may switch on who is staying with the kids until the grandparents decide to call it a night and then they have agreed to stay with them. This is why these children will be allowed to come to dinner. I was thinking it would be nice for some parents to get a night out with other adults and not have to worry about their children. Its not like I get married every weekend. I think of it as more of a night out for the parents. one of my guests said she was already planning on not bringing her kids before I told her it was adult only.

Yes I myself am paying for the wedding. My mother is paying for my flowers and the cake but that is it. His family is not paying for anything at all and the reasoning was that they didn't think the bar would cost that much so it shouldn't be a problem for me to pay for it. Our wedding is already at over 300 people not including children because his family is so huge! Just some more info.

Answer 1

THANK-YOU!! We are having no kids but we cut all kids because my fiance has stepsister who are a pain in the ars... like why should his real nephews get invited and not all 5 of the other rug rats. I would personally just cut all kids. When people ask me about it- I comment on that it's an adult wedding with lots of drinking going on and I am not screening or filtering the music and it's all adult content. Do you want your kids around that? It's actually made people think, hey do I want my kid listening to this type of music with adults drinking

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone... and you could even lie and say you had 4 cancellations last min after paying for the dinners and told your aunt to bring them..... but cutting all kids was a lot easier for us.. and our wedding is going to be some much fun because of it!!

Answer 2

When did it become acceptable to say "no children" on an invitation. It is supposed to be clear when you have just the adults' names on the invitation that the children are notincluded. If you want the children you would and "and family." That being said, I also had the same issues such extended cousins and not all kids being included. Feelings may be hurt, but that is life. People need to understand that weddings are expensive and there are space limitations too. It is totally your choice who you invite.

As someone mentioned earlier, if your parents are paying they should have a big say in it. However, if they want kids invited to the wedding but you don't want them hanging out at the reception, see if there is another smaller room that could be used for "babysitting" the kids with a pizza party and hire a baby sitter to occupy the kids at this party.

Another thought I had to make it clear that children are not invited, include an insert card that recommends a nearby babysitting service. In our area there are kids activity/baby sitting centers like Kids TimeOut and others

Answer 3

OK- I just recently had to deal with this problem, I ma getting married in 3 weeks. We decided that we could not have kids or teenagers at our wedding , Due to cost mostly and because we didn't want all that screaming and crying. A wedding is not a place for children anyway.

Here is what we did - we addressed the invitations specifically to the people invited , example - Mr and Mrs Smith - Not - The Smith Family, this way they understand it is for them specifically. Then on the reception cards we put "Adult reception", which means 18 and older of course. Most people got the hint . I did have about 4 people that called to ask if they could bring their child or teenager. I politely explained that out budget would not allow it and 3 of the 4 people understood, the other one threw a fit.

Some people will get upset, but you can not please everyone. It is your wedding and some things will not go as other people would like them to go - that is not your problem. I don't care what etiquette says - this is your day, don't let anyone OR anything bring you down.

Good Luck !!!!

Answer 4

You need to address the envelopes of the invitation with the names of only the people who are invited, just the parents, not the kids. We had a similar situation a couple of weeks ago at our wedding, and most people don't want to bring kids anyway, they want a night out. If people question it, just explain you're on a budget and you can only have so many people from each part of the family. My husband has a very large family, and that worked ok for us. For the people who will bring kids, keep in mind that your caterer may offer a lower priced 'kid's menu' that may save you some money. Our meals were $52 per plate, and the kids were $12.95 per plate. Big difference. We did end up having a few kids at the wedding, and it was not a problem. You need to make it clear to the parents that you expect them to watch and ensure their children are well behaved. Have your maid of honor or bridesmaids help you out by talking to the parents if the kids start getting out of control. Good luck!

Answer 5

It is perfectly acceptable to have on the invitations that children are not allowed. If you feel uncomfortable or guilty about doing that, you can hire someone to watch the children during the wedding and the reception. As far as second cousins go, send invitations to the ones you actually want at the wedding. Send announcements to the rest of your family and friends. The people you hire to do your invitations have done this a million times and know exactly how to word it so no one gets hurt feelings.

About the kids, I am glad that you and your fiance know now that you don't want them. My fiance and I are planning on one more, but that you know what you want and believe in your reasons is good. There will be no surprises in the future. Good luck on your wedding and your new life.

Answer 6

Everyone shoudl get the wedding they want, and there are just some events that kids are not welcome at. Parents that cant understand that fact are the ones that are selfish in my opinion, not brides or other party hosts that would like child free events. I have two of my own, I love them dearly and I know they are two of the most well behaved kids on the planet with impecable manners, but I also know that there are things they just dont belong. Weddings are one of those things.

That being said, you cant be selective. Its extremely rude. Its either all or none. And I will tell you, it wont be looked upon as a mistake where the parents "broke the rules", parents arent like that especially mothers. They will go right up and ask if that child was invited and when they find out that the kid was invited they are going to be pissed. Save yourself the headache and your guests the hurt feelings and dont invite any of the kids, 4 kids is just not worth it.

Answer 7

While trying to keep costs down, I can understand the situation. But remember, when you send the invitation you include a response card. Although the invitation was addressed to your friend, they will still presume they can bring a date (as most people do) and enter '2' on the RSVP. Think about this: All the other guests will have partners to dance with and chat with and you are trying to tell only 8 people that they may not have that luxury. So address the invitations in your friends name only and watch the response cards for the number count. It would be horrible to put your friendships to the test on your wedding day!

Answer 8

It is both of your guy's wedding day, so do what pleases you both!

I do agree it might be a lil suspect and some ppl might get their feelings hurt if they show up *After hiring a baby sitter and getting time off work, dressed up, buying the gift, etc etc * and see that there are other children there..

In all honesty, who cares?

If you havent sent out the invites yet though, might I suggest Sending tthem to :

Mr & Mrs. _____
and with your RSVP card that they are supposed to send back, pre-mark it with "2" so that they get the hint..

I'm sure your wedding will be elegant, with or without kids, but try not to worry too much about kids screwing up the whole day..After all, the day is to celebrate your love and committment to the love of your life!!

Congratulations by the way :)

Answer 9

You have every right to invite who you choose to your wedding and to exclude those you don't. Just be polite about it and follow etiquette.

If you go to the effort to address your invitiations correctly to the individuals that you have invited, then how many turn up should not be an issue.

Put something in the invitation to suggest that perhaps grandparents might like the opportunity to spend time with the kids, this way you subtley mention that kids aren't welcome without sounding like you have forgotten all your manners.

And if the bride that you mentioned didn't have the ability to laugh at the situation and herself, more fool her.

Answer 10

I am getting married this weekend and is not fond of the idea of children at the wedding either. We said no children on the invitations & phoned the people who was allowed to bring their children stating that this rule did not apply to them. As with the teenagers(tricky!) We adressed the envelopes to the invited guests personally!