i found out my b/f was cheating on me on monday... what do i do?

Question

I have had a very special relationship with my b/f, we have always been very open and we are so close and best friends also. About a year ago, we started dating seriously and quickly got engaged. I’m 20, he's 21. He’s not the player type; he has low self esteem and bad self image even though I always try to build up his confidence. Lately, I have been felling low myself and my normally high sex drive has gone (no, I’m not pregnant). Anyway, he had been complaining that he doesn't think I find him attractive anymore and that I never make a fuss of him...

Then on Monday night, I found a txt on his phone (which I never normally go though) asking a girl to come to his place, and have sex for a few hrs while I was at work. Then I found txt's directing her how to get to his flat. He say's nothing happened and that he just did it o see if anyone would show him some attention...

I know he needs help with his confidence, but I have been nothing but faithful... what should I do? HELP!!!!!

i feel the need to add, i've built my whole life around this man, a successful future and a lot of prospects. i'm afraid of starting from scatch on my own.

Answer 1

Attempting to cheat in my book is almost the same as cheating, he is bad news.

Answer 2

I'm sure your going through some confusing emotions right now. Regardless how anyone answers you are going to doubt if it's right or wrong. If a man planned and killed someone and the his defense was low self esteem or poor self image do you think that would get him off or lessen the sentence? Most likely not! Why? Because the person planned it out. This wasn't something that was decided spur of the moment.

Same as with your boyfriend. He thought this out and planned it to occur during the time you would be away from home. If anything a low self esteem and poor self confidence would have made him think twice about having sex with someone else. He also would have had a fear of getting caught. It sounds to me like this guy has some real issues. He's playing the low self esteem character because you buy into it.

Bottom line here... Move on this person will never make you happy. How can you even trust him now? Could you look at him the same? I'm sure he never meant to hurt you but, he didn't mind if he did. Forget him!

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Answer 3

Well, I think to be practical, you have 2 options:

1) Believe him & want the relationship to work
- in which case you need to trust he didnt do anything
- truly forgive those texts and work towards making it work
- means not checking the phone anymore because there is supposed to be trust in the relationship
- live happily and blissfully ever after

2) Take care of yourself first
- which I would recommend, actually.
- Confront him and/or do more investigative work to confirm
- Be sure that you really want to know it though
- Be aware that you may lose the relationship
- Be sure that you are first willing to break up before you go find out

If he is indeed cheating, dump him. He's not the only guy in the world. If he is cheating on you now, he will do it again. Dont wait till you get pregnant or married... it gets more complicated then.

Answer 4

NO--he needs help to the door---he isn't the sad puppy you think he is---NO TALKING--just put him out--a cheat is the lowest form of a man there is--and you are falling for his act---tell him to hit the bricks--don't call again--and you better get a grip--he could have given you a disease that he got from the dirt bags he has been with--if he lied--he just lost a nice girl--go find a real self confident, respectful man--wanting and appreciating you for a real relationship built on dignity, trust and honesty. God how can you fall for this dumb crap?? If you stay--you will have nothing but distrust and that is a rotten way to be. And he will probably be laughing at you for falling for it all. Good luck

Answer 5

dump him same thing I would say to a guy he is not grown up enough for a serious relationship especially if you have to constantly compliment him to help his SELF esteem remember it is SELF not other opinion of my self find a better guy and get a better life. maybe you could be friends but not more now. trust is fragile he may gain it back but you will always wonder no matter how long you know him. as far as his self esteem whenever he wants you to pump his ego ask him how he feels about what he is asking you. give tips not have to heat up his coals if his fire is low he should find his own fuel for his fire or it just dies out.

Answer 6

maybe it is just a confidence thing like how some girls say "im leaving you" when they just want attention. Give him a second chance i know not many people will say this but it sounds like you do have a good relationship. Let him know that your trust in him is not how it was and keep checking up on him, not extremely but go through his phone just hope he doesnt delete the message. Have u tried calling the girl and asking her what "really" happened getting her side of the story may help you

Answer 7

What would you tell your best friend????
Dump him. If he's insecure enough to do that, what make you think he won't do it again "to prove that he is attractive"? He's already got you on a guilt trip over the sex thing - if he needs to feed off your attention all the time to keep him faithful, what kind of relationship are you building? Not a healthy one, that's for sure.
You need a man you can rely on - a strong man. Not a weak, needy, unfaithful one.

Answer 8

i had a similar situation. I took back a cheating bf, he had changed and everything, but it just wasnt the same, as much as i wanted it, things had changed. You won't think they will, but if u do give him another chance you'll realise they have. I also found out that he had cheated on a few months before as well, so i ended it. I suxs but i keep telling my self i will find someone who will love me and can be faithful. And u should move on and do the same! ther will be someone out there who can be faithful and not even thinking about cheating on you.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like your ex-boyfriend is self-centered and really has no place for you in his life. Regardless, he is being dishonest with you, and when the trust is all gone, so is the relationship. If he did this stunt with the txt message to get attention, it surely backfired. It shows now that you cannot trust what he says.

My personal opinion is that you need to send him to the curb. If you weren't what he wanted THEN, then obviously you aren't what he wants NOW, no matter what he says. He can't have his cake and eat it too. So kick him to the curb, and find a man who is going to be honest with you.

Answer 10

it's a pity things go wrong and you don't know where to start from. Keep being faithful till you get married, live a holy life, life is not all about sex, sex and sex. There are other things to do or think about, if his problem is just sex, sex and sex then I think you should move on. AIDS is real and hell is real to.

Answer 11

it sounds like you are the one that needs help with your confidence if you arent outraged by his infidelity and treating him like a victim. He doesnt respect you if he is running around, and almost everyones sex drive drops after they have been with someone for a while.

Kick him loose, let him go find his whores who will knowingly come to a home he shares with another woman and sleep with him. you could do better.


All the best