Please please help me!! marriage & family dilemna?

Question

Hi, I am getting married soon and have been discussing the future with my fiance. We both have very good, high-earning careers but will want to have kids too. We plan to take out a big loan to buy the house of our dreams…this is ok providing we both work and pay off the house loan (mortgage). However, although I want my dream home, I have always dreamt of being a stay-at-home mum too. We definitely want a child. Although my job would give me maternity for a year…I know deep inside I want to stay with my child until he/she is old enough to go to kindergarden..i.e. 3 years old and 3 years at home. The problem is this: If we decide to do this, we would not be able to go for our dream home and this would be very very disappointing. I know it may sound greedy, but I want my nice home and to spend the first 3 years of life with the child too - I think it is important for the baby. We don't plan to have kids right away but we need to think about this when buying our house soon. Help please!

Answer 1

You dont have a problem, sweety. (high paying jobs, loan for a house, love)What you need is a cheaper house and your fiance understanding.The former is easy.The latter,well , if you havent figured that out yet I recommend to have a serious converstaion with him. If he stiil says no, call for a delay of the ceremony until you get what you want otherwise the first three years of your baby will be something youll miss forever.

Answer 2

Well well, balancing finance and dreams in a marriage is indeed a headache. But I remember one saying my elders gave to me before I got married (now divorced...) - bust the finance, bust the dreams.

Loans are known to suck a person dry more than you ever imagined. You mentioned that both of you have good and high-earning pay, why do you need to apply for a high loan then? Are you fully aware of the amount of extra interest for every dollar that you loan? Since both of you have considerable amount of salary payouts, what about savings? Do you guys keep a healthy balance for your savings?

If you're thinking of being a stay-at-home mum, then you would have to consider if your fiance's financial standings is enough to cover for the payments during the period that you are staying home. Bear in mind too, having a child is like owning a car. There are often hidden costs which we are never able to predict.

Having a child need not necessary mean the end of your dreams. How about considering to stay in a less-than-dreamhouse property first? Having a child and financing a property at the same time is not a wise choice, unless you are filthy rich. Since you're asking this now, I assume you guys are not filthy rich.

If having a child is not immediate, then take into consideration whether the financing of the house leaves both of you with enough to keep as savings. These savings will come in handy when both of you eventually have your child.

Other options include running a small home-based business where you can attend to your child at the same time.

Answer 3

You just need to find the home of your dreams that is affordable in the event you decide to stay home longer then the one year you are granted.

So what you need to do is sit down and make a plan. Figure out what you can afford if you stop working. Then while you are working save money and then buy the house that you can afford if you don't work and take the money you have saved and make that house even better.

Just remember the home of your dreams doesn't need to be the biggest best house on the block. All it has to do is appeal to you and be what YOU love and are comfortable in.

Good luck.

Answer 4

you need to sit and think what you want more?? if you know 100% that there is no way you can have your dream house and children you both need to talk about it, or would you consider buying a smaller cheaper house more affordable to begin with whilst you have your child, save at the same time what you can and then once your back on your feet and the child is at school and you go back into work buy your dream home?? or consider working from home whilst your child grows up so you can still have the dream home??

other than that i relay dont know how any one can help its down to both of your self's think think this out....
good luck with your new life together and i hope you sort things out! x

Answer 5

If you both make good money, use the largest of the 2 paychecks & devote it entirely to the mortgage, then use the smaller one to live on. If you use the largest check, you should be able to pay off your house within a few years, unless you are aiming way above what you can afford. Our house only took two & a half years to pay off. It is not easy, but not having a mortgage is well worth it. Good Luck.

Answer 6

It's definitely important for your child to have you around+I know bc my mom left her job+took great care of us.However you also have to think what you'll do if you decide to have more children...will you be leaving work for 3 yrs every time???+will you be able to find a job after your kids have grown up
If your dream house is that expensive+you can't afford to leave your job permanently maybe it's better to find another house or your fince should get a second job if possible.

Answer 7

buying a house of your dreams can wait until the child is older. you probably like it a whole lot more. you can't beat being a stay at home mum, you get to see everything that come first with your child. good luck

Answer 8

Watching your child grow up is the greatest joy in parenthood. You don't want to miss the child's first step, first word, first everything.

Many parents gave up their jobs to start home-based businesses, just to be with the child. It's a joy only parents can understand. They choose to get out of their comfort zone to explore new grounds. You may want to consider that too. I certainly have taken that path.....

Answer 9

Buy a less expensive home at first. Live in it long enough to accumulate some equity. (Real Estate generally increase in value, if you choose a good neighborhood). In a few years you will be able to buy your dream home without going into such a large debt.

Answer 10

maybe you should buy the house and wait to have a kid until the house is paid for or atleast almost paid for. then, you will have your dream home and your baby too, and if the house is paid for you wont have rent to pay or morgage costs and you could be a stay at home mom.