What to do with a 19 year old dead beat stepson?

Question

My stepson is living under my roof, paying no rent and has no futuer. We set him up to go to college for free and he showed up 2 hrs late for his interview. My wife protects him every time we have a discussion.
He has now just bought a truck from his real dad that his dad told him was worth $20,000 but only is charging him $3,000. The kid is working two low paying jobs and is going no where. What should I do?

Answer 1

come to some kind of agreement with your wife.it sounds like junior is still playing his mom and dad for fools and letting them trying to outdo each other taking care of him.junior needs to either get his butt in college and work his tail off getting good grades so he has a real career and future or get a real job and pay rent and other expenses .his dad is not doing him any favors by practically giving him that truck.this young man needs to realize the world does not revolve around him and chances are if his mom and dad werent around hed be screwed.cut the cord already letting your child grow up to be lazy and selfish is wrong he doesnt need you to be his friend he needs parents!

Answer 2

I have learned over the years that children, even those 19 and older do things because they can. He does not pay rent because you do NOT make him. If he did pay or did not pay are you going to kick him out.? If he knows you are not going to kick him out he knows he does not have to pay you. Kids think, 'what is the worst that will happen,? I get yelled at. Big deal." If he was living on his own you better believe he would find a way to pay rent for fear of getting kicked out.

You say he is working two jobs. You have to give him credit for at least that. Not every one is made for college or the cooperate world. Some men live their whole lives in blue collar jobs and are very happy. Some even live paycheck to paycheck and are very happy.

Why is it a bad thing that his father is giving a deal on a car.?? If his father is paying for all of the 20 tho and only charging him 3 tho then that is his choice.

Have you asked him what his plans for the future are.. I know as a parent it kills me that I am not in control of my daughters future when it comes to working and college and married and kids. I know that I have to step back and let her choice the life she wants...

Answer 3

Kick his butt out! and change your locks! Stop paying for stuff he likes. the internet, tv, phone, stop cooking for him. He'll get the hint. good luck. k, if i were you I would have a serious talk with his mother, and im assuming your wife. Tell her how you feel, and if she can't be an adult about it, then tell her there will be consquences. Im not saying she should have to pick between you and her son, but she needs to start being a mother and not his friend. It's not helping your marriage, or her son get anywhere in life. If she says she isn't going to put her foot down, or if she stops talking to you. I'd suggest you move out for awhile unless its your house, then i would just ask her and her son to get out. Maybe she'll come around and grow up or maybe your just better off without her. You daughter esspecially doesn't need this... he could get high someday, and harm your daughter, and if that happens im sure all hell would break loose! good luck again!

Answer 4

Doughboy, relax and get off this kids back. It is hard enough to grow up these days with the weight of you on his back too. Your roll as step dad should be one of support for this mother. Let mom handle the day to day stuff with this kid. You aren't helping. The kid will eventually go somewhere but you will only make matters worse at the current rate. It sounds to me like your "discussions" with your wife are just attacks on the kid otherwise she would be listening to you more. You have your shorts in a bunch and it really isn't any of your business. I realize that this is probably making you want to punch my lights out BUT I am a 57 year old woman, one with a grown daughter. Your wife's first obligation is to finish raising her son and second obligation is to your marriage. She should not allow you to come between her and her son. Can't you see how much your constant nagging about this kid is hurting your wife? Quit putting her in the middle and relax a little. You will be surprised how much easier it will get if you just stop criticizing.

Answer 5

May I suggest a book that helped my mother in the same situation? She has 9 children and 7 of us are out of the house. At one point she was in a similar position as you and this book helped her to see what she should really be doing to help us out.
The book is called "Scream Free Parenting" by Hal Edward Runkel.
There are so many suggestions I could give you, but I know you and your wife can find help in this book.
PLease check it out.

Answer 6

Is he getting child support from his father? If he is then THAT should be going for paying his share of the rent/utlilities/groceries for living there. If his father is no longer obligated to pay child support then hand him the keys to his truck along with his packed bags and tell him to write if he gets' work then show him the door.

Answer 7

Well, I sorta have to agree with onelost...he is only 19. I can't think of many 19 year olds that have an overwhelming amount of maturity. give it a little time & see what happens. Don't be hard on him, though...as the stepdad you want to have as good a relationship as possible.

Answer 8

Give him time man, hes only 19! doesnt sound like a bad kid to me

Answer 9

Kick his lazy butt out. I speak from experience. My mother had to kick me out to get me going. It was hard but I landed on my feet. Now I own my own business, am married and have three wonderful children. (That I might have to kick out someday).

Answer 10

EIther have him look into the military (preferably Navy or Coast guard) Or donate his body to medical science.