What should I do about my family?

Question

Okay, so my grandma has been living with us for almost ten years now, ever since my grandpa died. In the last couple of years, she's gotten alzheimer's, and can barely even get out of bed by herself. Someone has to get her up, feed her, clean her, dress her, etc. And since my mom works most of the time, its automatically my responsibility. I'm 18, and I like staying away from home sometimes. Well, sometimes, I need to get away. And I rarely do get out at all. But, everytime I try, my parents call saying they need me at home to help with my grandma. So, I feel guilty and come home. But when I am home, all they can do is tell me I could be doing more than I already am. My mom has told me she doesn't just want me here so I can work, but I always feel that way. It feels like they're using me...What do you think?

Answer 1

yes they are using you,but might not realize it, you MUST
CONFRONT THEM AND TELL THEM YOU HAVE A LIFE
maybe she needs to go to a good nursing home,,,your 18
its time you think of your future, get a job ,move out,,,good luck

Answer 2

You are a saint for helping at such a tremendously difficult time! It sounds like all of you need a break. My husband and I took care of my parents throughout the last three years of their lives, and we ended up finding a plethera of help in our community. Here are some suggestions:

1. Call your local Senior Services and see if they have a
respite program where volunteers will come to your home
and give you a break.
2. If your grandmother receives Social Security, and at any
time if her condition goes from chronic (the ongoing
problem) to accute (a new problem), they should provide
your grandmother with an RN and a Nurse's Assistant
until the "acute" symptoms go away.
3. Check out the really good churches in your community and
see if they have volunteers who are willing to give you a
break.
4. Call the Red Cross and Salvation Army and see if they
have a respite program.
5. Involve other family members.
6. There are places that charge for respite care, and
sometimes it is well worth the money spent for a night out.

I hope this helps a little. Please know that your mom appreciates your help and loves and respects what you are doing more than you can ever know. It is so incredibly difficult to watch your own parent go downhill. May the Creator surround all of you with Angels of love, strength, and understanding. You are a wonderful Spirit! Annie

Answer 3

When it comes to family, sometimes we have to pitch in more than we might like. However, you are only 18 and should be able to go out and have a life of your own too.

It's very important that you sit down with your parents and tell them that you really do want to contribute to your grandma's care, but you want to be able to go out and have some time to yourself or with your friends too. You aren't asking too much by telling them that.

Depending on what State you live in, there is probably an Area Agency on Aging for your county or area of the State. See if you can find that sort of resource online, or if you say which State you are in, we can help you. They may have resources to help with your grandma. If nothing else, perhaps your parents can take your grandma to an adult day care center for a few hours a couple days a week. Or have someone come into the home and sit with her a few hours a week. Also, Medicare will pay for respite for families for a week or so every year. She could go into a nursing home for a few days to give all of you a break.

If you find some alternative help for your grandmother, maybe your parents will understand that you are trying to help and that you need to get away. I agree with you that it's not fair for your parents to expect you to do the majority of work for your grandma. Don't be afraid to tell them how you feel.

Answer 4

I know from experience, that caring for somebody with Alzheimer's can be very demanding. I am glad that you are helping. The reasonableness of it depends on how many hours a week you have to care for her, and I assume your parents are doing their share. You and they should at least have a schedule, so each of you knows when you have some time off.
At 18 you should be working and/or studying as well as helping at home. Your grandma probably will not die any time soon, and will not get better, but only worse. She will be needing more care. The family needs to think about this and how you all are going to handle it. The time may come when she needs professional care. I know this is probably hard to think about, but you have to. Look into all the options you can find.

Answer 5

Im sure your grandma feed you got you up and cleaned you when you were a baby why cant you help. Set something to were you do it for a serten a mount of the day and then at night or when ever you get to be alone go out stay in your room, but that is your family and family could come first. But i do understand that you need time for yourself.. Just talk to your mom and tell her how you feel.. Best of luck to ya..

Answer 6

I don't know the other alternative like others gave. But 1 thing i would like to tell you is that

in todays age noone bothers on others even thier own family members, all are striving selfish

But your mom has done a great job

I would like to give credit not only to your mom but also ur all others in your family specially you without them it may not be possible.

Please Continue you r good deed

God will take care of your future and will bless you.

Because to serve man is to serve god.

Answer 7

They're in an impossible situation right now. Try suggesting they look into a nursing home for your grandma, or at least arrange that you have one night off a week.

Answer 8

I could see why you feel like they are using you, but in truth, they depend on your help. Do you think your grandma helped your folks take care of you at all? Maybe...maybe not, but consider this...they are trying to be noble and not put your grandmother into a care facility...because it is their parent. You do need to go to them and let them know that you are willing to help grandma, but there has to be certain expceptions

Answer 9

I think it is best if you get your grandma out of your home. There is homes for old people. There would be meals, activites to keep them busy, asstitance for help, and even people to watch over people with serious diseases like your grandma. you could visit her in the home but you would not have to take care of her every day.

Answer 10

hey, ur family will nver "use" u..u're their child so y will dey do dat? maybe they really need u..wel doesn't it feel good 2 be needed? at least u can feel ur significance in dis world..but if they're really abusing it, u can talk to them but in a polite manner coz only thru dis will dey try listening to u. jst be a gud child and be sweet 2 dem so dey'll feel ur sincerity.