I am almost 40, but I am approached by young men often to ask me out. What should I say?

Question

The youngest so far has been 16. It happens EVERY time I go to the mall, to the market, to the library, even if my kid is with me. I usually wear no makeup and sweats. I try to attract as little attention as possible, but it never works. I know it is very flattering, but my kid gets mad, (he is 13 and adopted so no one believes he is mine-he's bi-racial) and when I am alone I try to tell them my age, but they never believe me and it makes it worse, even if I show them ID. I am tired of being bothered, guys asking if I am related to Jessica Simpson, trying to get autographs, so I have almost become a recluse in the house. I am a single mom who is dating, but my BF (who is 46) works a lot and is rarely around. What should I do?

I forgot to say that I always wear a fake ring when I go anywhere. There are 3 places I usually go: grocery store, Ross, Starbucks, and Borders. I am a big time nerd and I guess I used to look like one, so even more so I am not used to all this attention. When I was in Jr. High I was really shy with glasses, braces, my nose in a book, very sickly and always in the hospital. I got teased a lot in high school and college because I skipped a grade and was nerdy, etc. and never had a boyfriend until I was 23!

Answer 1

Hi hun,

I know people on here will just say "ugh, get on with it! Take it as a compliment!" but I understand how you feel. Sometimes you just want to go to the damn shop without being harrassed.

Complaining about people chatting you up can seem like you are either bragging or being ridiculous - but I understand where you're coming from. If I'm at a club and guys chat me up, whilst it is flattering, sometimes you don't want the hassle of having to say no. You just want to get on with what you're doing without having to fend off the sleazebags - ESPECIALLY when they won't take no for an answer. Plus you obviously don't want to embarrass your son.

Why does your son get mad because guys find you attractive? I'd be proud if it was my mom. Perhaps you should sit him down and ask him. He needs to understand that you're not asking for the attention! And any attention you do get is nothing to be embarrassed about.

From now on, I wouldn't bother telling them your age as a way of getting rid of them. Just tell them that you have a boyfriend. My friend lends me one of her rings to wear on my engagement finger when we go clubbing - as soon as you show it, most guys will leave you alone.

When you're with your son and guys come up to you, just ignore them or politely tell them you're not interested, you're shopping with your son and to leave you alone. That way, your son will know you aren't loving the attention. When you're alone, just politely tell them you're not interested.

If you're showing them your ID to prove your age, it suggests that you engage in conversation with the guys? Don't bother. Just be firm but polite. Even if it's a simple "not interested!" without even looking at them!

Don't hide away in the house - love who you are. You obviously look great! Don't engage in conversation (especially with the teenagers), simply say 'no' and keep on walking!

And if you mean should you leave your 46 year old boyfriend because younger guys are giving you all this attention, and there might be someone better out there who can spend more time with you? Only you can decide. Unless you don't love your boyfriend or he doesn't treat you very well, I think you'd be foolish to dump him for a younger guy.

xx Emmie

Answer 2

Buy a ring, its called wolf-repellant. If a guy gets aggressive, ask if you can have your 6'4" bodybuilder boyfriend kick the crap out of him.

Here is the problem. Its flattering to be asked like that, isnt it? It is. You likely have several "tells" that the kids pick up on and no matter what your words say, they only hear the "tell" screaming "YES". If you got rid of the tell, the kids would disappear too.

Answer 3

Tell them straight up that you're not interested. Let your bf know what's going on and he may try to spend more time with you. Maybe anyways. Or the next time a guy comes up to you, say, "Well, my bf's around here somewhere, he should be back in a min." or something like that. It's not the greatest advice but hope it helps.

Answer 4

well, obviously you'd be crazy to date anyone under 16, but anyway, I'd take it as a complement. You must look pretty good at 40 to get a 16 year old's attention! I hope I look young when I'm that age. as for dating, that's really your choice. are you happy with your b/f? if not, maybe you should try something new. Dont go to extremes to try and prove your age. they wont care. they're men. as for your son, he'll get over it.

Answer 5

Give them a try, (not the 16 year old thats not legal). You would want to break off your current relationship first.

If a lot of younger guys are hitting on you whats wrong with that? I once dated a woman that was 14 years older than me, it was wonderful. Good luck.

Answer 6

Well.. Just remember keep it legal... 18+ and youre okay but ]use reason. If youre considering dating a younger guy, try someone u can relate to mentally. Lets be honest, how much can you really relate to a 25 year old kid?

Answer 7

uhh stop flattering youyrself and find a boyfriend who will spend time with u and if a young guy asks u out when your kid is around, say no and walk away. u don't need to show id

Answer 8

Personally I'd be flattered. But don't get up right now and dump your boyfriend and staunt flaunting it. YOu must look pretty good, but tell them your real age and ignore them and if they continue to follow you, act all pissed and say something to them. All woman should be respected, and should respect themselves.

Answer 9

Quit wearing revealing clothing. Quit looking like you are interested and order on line instead of going to the sleasy mall.

Answer 10

Embrace your age. You must look good . Most guys like younger women. Stick with your bf unless your unhappy.