My mother in law refuses to tell her family or her husband's family about me or my son because she said she's ashamed to tell them that her son married someone that she didn't approve of. She said she's afraid that her family will "scold" her for being a bad mother. My son is a year and a half old and none of his family on his father's side knows that he even exists. Her family is talking about who they can find for my husband to marry, and she still wont tell them because she doesn't want to "break their hearts".
I've tried explaining to her and my father in law that doing this is eventually going to hurt my son very badly and they need to be proud of him no matter what they think of me, but they don't care and still refuse.
What should I do? What would you do in a situation like this?
2007-04-03 16:13:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anne 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The entire extended family lives half way across the world, so we can't go see them, and when my husband asks for their addresses and phone numbers, his parents refuse to give them.
No he doesn't really stand up to them, the best he does is he doesn't try to force me to visit them, and he said I can defend myself however I want and he wont get pissed at me.
2007-04-03 16:25:04 · update #1
I guess I would be ok with getting them out of my life if I knew what to say to my son when he eventually asks about his dad's side of the family.
2007-04-03 16:27:29 · update #2
YES, they are Asian!
2007-04-03 16:54:42 · update #3
His parents and brother are the only ones who live in th US, and his brother is in the same situation with them hating his girlfriend. There really is no way to contact them without a phone number.
2007-04-03 17:00:05 · update #4
Jammy - them being Asian is pertinent to the situation. I'm not a racist at all. In fact the only reason they don't like me is because I'm not, and they freely admit that. My mother in law gives me ways to win her approval, then when I fill her request she tells me that it's not good enough.
2007-04-04 02:56:06 · update #5
Vijay - You are right! my father in law AND my husband just sit back and watch this all happen. I wish I could make at least one of them speak up.
2007-04-04 03:04:50 · update #6
It is common in many family.
You do your duty honestly, with love. Allow her to do her duty as per her mood.
She will love you in future.
Do not loose your temper.
Win her with love. Give her desired food. Know her taste. Gift her Saree etc.
2007-04-03 23:17:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look lady your problem is very much Indian type I want to tell u a few things. Firstly there is no escape both the sides of ur husbands family will come to know about ur marriage and son. If your husband loves you and ur child he has to take appropriate action cause by avoiding contacts he is threating his own social image and persons in the US are definatly more open minded then us. I can give you advice but ultimatly it is of no use cause this kind of problem the solution varies from factor to factor and u are the best one to know them take some action u dont have a choice lady u dont have ..........
2007-04-03 22:50:21 · answer #2 · answered by Vikas M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mothers are protective of their sons, Sometimes they think that their son could have done better. Sounds like she really didn't mean what she said, if she really did not like you I think you would have had some sort of vague feeling when you were spending time with her. What would happen if you & your husband were to start a family? She probably wouldn't want to miss out on that. Your husband chose you to marry, his mother sounds a little jealous that her son is able to love someone other than her. I don't think it's a good idea to take this personally, sounds like no girl would have had her approval,
2016-03-29 00:23:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely they are Dam fools. After your marriage & now with a child you should better care about your own family rather caring for these idiots what they say or do. I know its very diffult to leave your relationship with your in laws but if your husband tells them to just mind their business leave him & you as you are, it will be better. I am very much sure your in laws are Indian as this mentality I find only in few of the hypo crate Indian families, they move out the country but carry such thinking with them. You may not be a daughter in law of their choice but you are wife of your husbands choice, this fact no one can deny, If your mother in laws family scold her for being a bad mother as she did not stop her son from marring you simply shows her narrow thinking, how come her family members or in laws relatives come into this? Are they supposed to control you personal & family matters? I don’t think it actually happens here in India in most of the cases, only few of the families it may be happening, but really amazed me is your father in law. His he such a dumb person that he too is afraid of his in laws or his own family relatives? I can’t think of such a person really exist at least at his age he should be mature enough to tell his wife not to harass you with all such talks. Still I will advice you to have a frank talk with your husband & make him understand this problem you are facing.
2007-04-03 20:02:54 · answer #4 · answered by vijay m Indian Lawyer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like your husband needs to get involved and introduce you and your son to the family. how did this happen?
i'm guessing you didn't have a wedding. doesn't he ever try to be part of the situation?
i don't know maybe it would be better for your son not to be a part of that.
i think i'd just say forget you people obviously they're not worth your concern
2007-04-03 16:20:22 · answer #5 · answered by tinkbostwick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG! IN-LAWS WORSE THAN MINE? well you can go visit try an visit the family (there has to be some one besides his parents who know their address, try a people search) then when you tell his family , totally cut his parents out of your lives. that would be total torture for them their family would be ashmed of them for not telling them and they couldnt be part of their sons life! question? are they asian? because (this isnt ment racially) koreans are like this. they are very upfront, strict, and rude if they do not like you, and their very big on family. my nieces grandma is korean and she is like this. but anyways good luck!
2007-04-03 16:48:18 · answer #6 · answered by Dungonecrazy11 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know what,Thats actually really too da.mn bad for your Mother in law.Seriously,I feel bad for you and your son,because you dont deserve to be treated like that.You can tell her to Shove it because She didnt really need to approve of you.Its actually not your fault that she didnt feel the need to approve of you.Thats her own problem.So tell her,she can shove it,and leave you and your son alone,because she didnt want to approve of you.If you love him,and he loves you,It really does not matter,whats she thinks.If she was gana marry you,then she'd probally change her ways',but just ignore people like that,because its really sad.
*People like that,make me wana slap them into the next several years!*
2007-04-03 16:29:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do mean by "YES, they are Asian!"..? Are you some Racist brat...I guess you have an attitude problem which obvisiouly your in laws have figured it out for their strange behaviour....there is nothing wrong with your in laws....try changing yourself....slowly but surely they will accept you and your son.........
2007-04-04 01:21:27 · answer #8 · answered by jammy 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You must help her in every other work, manually and financially. Become a price before her. She might dislike and say hard words to you, bare it. Don't take it seriously. Try to give maximum help to her. Once you become a price for her, her will have a pride in introducing you as THIS IS MY BAHOO
2007-04-03 16:25:56 · answer #9 · answered by larry G 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you and husband need to stay apart from your in laws
2007-04-03 20:36:10 · answer #10 · answered by jay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋