Any suggestions on what to say to a 15 yr old girl who wants to quit school?

Question

We have tried everything we can think of (restrictions ect). Today we told her she would not get her driver's license until she turned 18 and that didn't even phase her. She comes up with one excuse after another as to why (mean teachers, girls). She has already been transferred to every local school (private and public) around and won't stick with any of them. I know the transfer thing was a mistake. It has only taught her to run from her problems. But, now we are at our wits end and she has refused to go to school for the past three days. Anyone else had to deal with this or know the laws concerning this in Fl?

Thank you for any suggestions.

Answer 1

Actually many years ago I was a social worker and actually got assigned a number of truancy cases, usually with 14 or 15 yo girls. SOMEHOW I 'got lucky' on my first case and actually got her to go back to school; I didn't know how unusual that was at the time. The Juvenile Office then requested me for EVERY CASE of truancy where the kid was being removed from the home and put into foster care or a group home. Sometimes a good reputation in a certain area is not so great...

Anyway, in every single case [and this may not be the case with your family - just humor me here] there were these same factors: the mother was very young when she had the daughter, and said, "We grew up together." In every case the parents had been divorced. In every case the mom would not admit, even with the child out of the room, that the child needed to obey her. In every case the mom had tried TONS of other things to get the child to go to school. In every case although the child had been taught better, the child did NO work around the house, and wouldn't even pick up her own clothing from the floor of her bedroom.

It is just expected that kids go to school. No matter what the situation is at school, kids just assume they are stuck going. When a child refuses to go to school, there are some serious issues with that child that are NOT going to be easy to deal with successfully.

I don't know that I can suggest anything that might work, because this is a really tough situation, but here are some things:
--Get the law involved. [By the way - it is HIGHLY unlikely that you'd be arrested or charged with educational neglect; that is something that happens when parents do not make the effort to send their small children to school. Unless you live in some weird county, that would not apply to a parent trying her best to get a rebellious teen to go to school.] See if someone from the Juvenile Office will talk to her and honestly tell her what is going to happen to her. She needs to know that she can be taken out of the home, and make sure she understands what that will mean. Hey, here's a thought - when you find out what the Juvenile Office could do, maybe you can post another question on here about what it would be like to be in a group home. There are inconveniences that your daughter has never thought of. A big deal tends to be food. The kids generally NEVER get to choose what they eat or when they eat. Most kids lose weight in these behavioral group homes. Anything they like to do becomes a privilege that must be earned. This might work.
--Here's one that probably won't work but it is worth trying. Tell her that if she wants to live like an adult, she needs to start right away. Don't buy her anything else - her favorite snacks or cereal or eyeliner or sandals or ANYTHING. The more inconvenient for her, the better. She needs to earn money herself. Offer to take her places to apply. Of course this will be futile because no one will hire her, but she needs to face that fact. Also, get a Sunday paper and pore over the want ads with her. Find some jobs she might like. Discuss what they might pay. Write up a list that includes rent, groceries, car insurance, utilities, and have her see the barest minimum she'd need to make to pay for these things. Then when she sees she can't pay that much working at McDonald's, then you can start downing the amounts. Some things will stay the same, but REALLY down her rent money and then drive her to areas where she could live with that amt of rent money, but do it during the day so your car won't be vandalized. It would be nice if she could actually go inside a really smelly apt with an inch of grease covering the stove. Also, groceries is one way where she could save money, so figure out how much she could spend per week, then take her to the grocery store and have her start planning her meals with this amt of money [preferably about $25]. Stop her when she has put $25 worth of food in the cart,and say, "We'll have to find cheaper food - this won't last you two days." Then put the yummy food back and go to the dried bean section and the plain pasta and sauce section and the plain white rice section. Anything you can do to help her understand that if she doesn't have an education, this will be her life.
--Talk to her about marriage, because she probably wants to get married and is sort of counting on this saving her. Ask nicely what kind of man she wants to marry. After she gets through with the qualities she wants, as if a man with those qualities would go out with a girl who wouldn't finish school/doesn't have the money to dress or eat properly/etc. Ask what kind of job she wants her husband to have, and she will probably mention something nice, and you can tell her that most men with jobs like that find their wives at college, or they are working with them after they graduate from college. She needs to know that most people that marry have about the same educational level.
--Maybe see if you can have her treated for depression. I think that this is always a factor in truancy cases such as you describe.
--Could she go into an alternate school for kids that are dropping out anyway? The school would work with her more and would get her through to take her GED,b ut the kids there are tough.
--Is there any way she could take a few classes at a local college, and then homeschool for some classes?

I don't know if any of this very long answer will help one bit. I really feel for you. This is a big problem with big consequences. Your daughter does not understand how this one bad decision can derail her life. If you have more you can add please email me through my profile.

Answer 2

Take her to the local jail and give her a tour, let the inmates talk to her on how they got there and what to do to prevent it. Let her tell them she wants to quit school and let her to explain to them why she wants to quit and let them give her thoughts about what they think about her excuses.

If she were my daughter, I would tell her, if she wants to grow up by quiting school, she can grow up and go and if the teachers are mean then go into class every day and stare at them and dare them to teach you something new - intimidate them. Answer every question before they get a chance to know what the answer is. YOU have no idea how ill prepared a child will be SOCIALLY by quitting school. Not even home school is recommended after the 8th grade. If you want to baby sit your daughter and watch her fail for the rest of her life or for that matter, never try to accomplish anything - then go ahead and let her quit. But if you care anything about her then MAKE her do something hard - go to the school and find out why the teachers are mean, become an involved parent, find a way to fix EVERY EXCUSE that she gives you even if and especially if it will embarrass her for you to go to the school and solve them. She will either learn to get over whatever the problem is and avoid the embarrasement or she will have legitimate concerns and you will be an envolved parent and take care of them and insure your daughter is receiving the education you are paying for.

Answer 3

do you know any police men/women?? Try to take a tour of juvinille hall or a correctional facility with her. let her see what throwing her life away does. (No, not all drop outs are lifeless b ums but still a scare tactic can work wonders at times.) Have her talk to the hard pressed drop outs. Call around usually there is a program for this. Have you considered night schooling as an alternative? You can check into that too.

Answer 4

In FL you can quit at age 16. But it is the worst idea, education will open doors, you need your high school education and then you need a higher level education skill, i.e. Beautician, or going to college. Just because girls are mean and so are the teachers, if you leave you are making them feel more powerful, you need to concentrate on school, then worry about friends and the other things. Do not give people a reason to hate you if need be keep to your self and go unnoticed. Please try to stay in school it will help you. PLEASE it will lead you to your full potential. DO NOT quit you can make it through 4 years of hell. 4 years until you are free to get any sort of higher education you would like. GOOD LUCK, you will make it through. Just hang in there :)

Answer 5

My little sister is doing this, and we live in Florida. Girls that age don't listen to anyone, which is tough. She won't listen to me or my mom and keeps saying the things you say.But the worst thing would be to let her have her way. Maybe show her some facts or examples of what happens when young girls drop out of school, let her see what could perhaps be in her future. Sometimes that will scare kids straight. I don't know if I helped much but good luck, I hope you succeed.

Answer 6

You could take her to a homeless shelter or a womans jail. To see what it would be like if she didn't get an education.

You need to stand your ground and make her go to school.
According to FL law if she misses so many days the school has every right to kick her out

Answer 7

Do not give her money for any extras. I would cut off the cable and let her see how working a low end job would be like. See about a career high school. She could go there and be out in 2 years and get a job.

Answer 8

Eventually the truancy Officer is going to show up at your house and arrest you and your Spouse....That's how it is in Northern California anyway.
It is time for therapy because someone needs to get to the bottom of why she does not want to go to school....there is a deeper reason there. I'd also see if you can get her placed on Probation so this way if she skips or refuses to go she takes the heat and not you.
You can also try placing her on independent study with a tutor who can come in a few days a week to make sure she is doing her work. I hope this helps. Hang in there and God Bless!

Answer 9

Let her homeschool or take Internet classes. She can probably get her GED when she turns 16 and that is just as good as a diploma. School can be a traumatic place for some teenagers and there obviously is something going on.

Answer 10

have u try seeing thing in her eyes, like asking her how is school for her what is it she struggles with every day. why don't you go to her school and see the teacher and talk to them and try her friends.

if the problem isn't reslut let her drop out but make it so that when she get sixteen she get a job,help with bills and u charge her to wash clothes,take bathes and she has to pay you a rent. this way she have to fin for her self like in the real world . she will see it's hard to do for your self. and this is come from a fiveteen year herself.