help for a teen whos father just left?

Question

my father moved out unexpectedly and without warning yesterday while i was at school. my sister came home and discovered his stuff was gone and knew. up until this point, i had never imagined my father leaving. i can understand him wanting to get a divorce, but leaving the way he did angers me. i dont really know what im looking for...maybe some advice on how to cope?
ive never felt such anger as i felt today when i went and looked at all that he had taken, but realized he left behind the most important thing.... me

*sigh*
my dad just never seemed one of those guys who would walk out on us like this....

its so cowardly of him...
i mean, like i said, it wouldntve hurt near as bad if he had had the balls to come and tell us his intentions....

i dont blame myself, ok?
i blame him, a bit my mother too, becuase you, know, it wasnt all his fault, but at least my mom didnt leave me.
my dad has been lying to her telling her that they had a counseling appointment wednesday.... but he now says he was lying.

Answer 1

thats horrible. Well hopefully he doenst leave you out of his life because thats wrong. My guess would be that your mom and him are not getting along. It has nothing to do with you. Talk to your mom or your dad about it. Sorry, its tough

Answer 2

Believe it or not I understand how you feel...

When I was a sophmore in high school, my dad grabbed all his things and left while I was at my sophomore prom. I came home to find out that he was gone. I was hurt, disapointed, scared, angry, and everything else.

It's hard to cope, but what I did was I talked to my mom, who needed my support, and I also talked to my friends (especially my friends who had gone through something similar, like having their parents divorce). And sometimes I would just talk about anything else besides that, because if I didn't think about it I felt better.

My friends were amazing, we had girls nights and they did whatever they could to help get my mind off it. But even though you are hurt and confused, talk to your mom and sister, and any other siblings or family members you have. They are going through the same thing you are, and may help you more than you know.

I know it hurts right now, but I promise in time your wounds will heal and you will be able to move on, right now just be open with your friends and family.

If that isn't enough for you here is something a good friend told me that helped me get through everyday "Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end."

Good luck and stay strong!

Answer 3

I no it's hard for you to understand because he is your dad but he is a man first and men think much differently then we do.If a man isn't getting treated right at home by his wife he will find someone else to take your mom's place.Now this has nothing to do with you or your sister .Men just pick up and leave when ever they think they are being treated badly.I no you don't understand this now but when you get married you will find out then what I mean. Your dad just wants to be happy and I'm sure him leaving was the only way he thought he could .There is not to much anyone can say to make you feel any better and I'm really sorry for what your dad did to you.

Answer 4

This sounds like an impossible situation hon, and I hope someone on here can do something to ease your pain. Here are a few suggestions that I hope might help get you through this difficult time.

* You mentioned your sister and your mom. Even if you do blame your mom some for what has happened, even if she has had a part in this, this is the time you three (and any other siblings you may have) need to unite. Spend time with them. Don't be afraid to bring the subject up, talk about it. If you all avoid talking about it, then the wound won't heal. It will take time, and the pain may be sharp at first, but you all need to discuss it.

* Lean on your friends. You'd be surprised how they can all come through when you are suffering. If you have a boyfriend, lean on him. Talk to him, and let him know how much you need him right now. Do the same with your friends. Maybe they can offer some support.

*You may want to talk to a school counselor, or therapist. They can be very helpful for sorting out feelings, and can help you through the tough times. Everyone needs a little help sometimes, especially in a situation like yours.

* Talk to your father. Explain your anger. Yell, scream, vent. He needs to know how angry are, and you need to get out those feelings. If this is impossible, try writing a letter to him, and pretend to yourself that you'll send it to him. Even getting your feelings out on paper may help.

Best of Luck. Hope this helps, and I hope you and your family get through this all right.

Answer 5

I am so sorry that this happened to you. What your father did was quite cruel. I suspect he left that way because he was afraid to tell you he was leaving. Parents are people too and often men are not good with these types of discussions. None of this excuses his behavior, he is an adult and has a responsiblity to you and your sister.

This is a hard time, and at this point you need support. Ask your mother to get you into so type of counseling. Sadly, whatever happens this situation will likely go on for a while and you need someone who is totally there for you.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I've been through this. Our mother took me and my sisters out for a weekend trip to come home and find our dad had moved out. This is going to be one of the HARDEST things you'll ever have to deal with. What you need to do is find a way to release your emotions in a healthy way. Write, listen to music, paint or draw, bake cookies. Whatever you need to do to help get out your emotions without causing harm to yourself or anyone. My dad left about 13 years ago and I still feel pain from time to time about it, but over time it will heal and you will feel better. It's hard to not feel abandoned. You must remember that your dad will love you regardless of the situation between your parents and that you never should feel as though you had any cause to this split. This is obviously an issue between your parents. What you need to do is be supportive of both of your parents, no matter if you're angry with them or not because for them to make such a drastic decision as they have is no doubt tearing them apart emotionally. Try to stay strong for your sister. If you are the oldest she is going to look to you to see how you cope with this. You will get through this though, and trust me, it will get easier. So for now, find a venue to release your emotions, be strong and supportive, and just know that one day it will get easier. Good luck and my prayers are with you and your family!

Answer 7

Cheer up and don't blame yourself. This is about your mother and father....and despite the fact you think he left you...he really left her, probably for the good of the household. Your dad sounds very nice, especially the way you explain everything about him. I'm sure you'll have alot of quality time with him once the smoke clears from everything....Good Luck :)

Answer 8

Being a father my self and at one time in my life leaving my wife and 3 kids i know it was not because of my kids!But because of what was going on in my life between me and my wife. So don't blame your self!And know he must have taken a lot of mess to were he just couldn't take no more. So please don't blame your self and let your dad have some time to adjust then let him know how you feel .Always let him know how you feel no matter what!

Answer 9

Talking about it like you are right now is perfect. Its probably best to talk to him about it. Bottle something up inside of you just basically will eat at you. Im sorry by the way

Answer 10

I'm SO sorry. I don't know quite what to say. He should have at least talked to you and told you he was leaving. Maybe he was just so mad at the time he wasn't thinking straight. Hopefully he will call and talk to you soon. Hang in there. (i know it can't be easy).