How can we tell my husband's sister that we won't be attending her destination wedding without her completely hating us? Am I the only one that thinks it's selfish to expect friends and family members to fork over thousands of dollars to attend a wedding? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
2007-04-03 11:42:24 · 14 answers · asked by kksundin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Okay, maybe I should clarify. This "destination wedding" is either going to be in Mexico or Jamaica. I'm currently on maternity leave with my 7 month old baby. My sister-in-law says that it's really important to her to have all of her family and friends there. If it's that important, she should consider having an in-town wedding so everyone can go. When I mentioned that I may be very pregnant at the time and unable to fly (we're going to start trying for another baby in July or August so our children will be no more than two years apart), she actually said that I would just have to wait to have more children until after her wedding.
2007-04-03 14:08:44 · update #1
I think anyone planning a destination wedding should expect some people not to attend as travel is expensive and not always convenient. If her feelings are hurt by your absence, that's her problem.
I would tell her the truth, but I wouldn't go into the bit about her being selfish. By that same token, isn't it selfish for family and friends to demand an in-town wedding so that they won't have to spend the money on travel?
Also, you might encourage her to have a small reception in your hometown--in addition to the destination wedding. This will give those who can't or won't travel an opportunity to wish them well and share in the joy without breaking the bank.
Godspeed.
PS Having read your additional details, I have to say I think your sister-in-law is being too demanding and a bit immature. She needs to decide what is most important to her: 1) the wedding location of her dreams OR 2.) having all her family and friends there! With a destination wedding, no one ever gets both!
2007-04-03 11:59:44 · answer #1 · answered by museumdoll 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say. I've had to travel to many weddings, because our family also lives all over the place. I always paid the hotel bill myself. I always thought that was just a part of accepting an invitation to an out-of-town wedding. On the other hand, we're having a destination wedding, THIS SAtURDAY (WOW), in St Thomas, and we're paying the airfare and hotel rooms for our immediate families (12 people). I think this is something you have to plan based on your individual family, really. If you know someone may not attend just because of the cost, I'd offer to pay the bill. We are also very aware that our guests are going to great lengths to attend, and we're giving them a little extra becaus of that. We'll be hosting a welcome dinner on Friday night for everyone that will kind of kick off the whole weekend, then, of course, providing lunch with full open bar after the wedding itself.
2016-05-14 15:59:40 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I had a destination wedding and while we didn't expect everyone to attend, we received a special suprise from my husband's cousin. She sent a card before we left for the wedding wishing us well, apologizing for not being able to make it -- and a gift card for a spa service at the resort where we were getting married. She said she wanted us to do something special for ourselves, and this way she could still have a part of our adventure. We were blown away by her generosity and have fond memories of her contribution to our big day. This is a nice option if you can afford it. She is your husbands sister and will understand, even though she will surely miss you.
2007-04-03 12:57:13 · answer #3 · answered by Kaye M. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm having a destination wedding myself. I knew getting into this there would be several folks who were not going to be able to afford the trip. The bride and groom know this and cannot possibly expect you to shell out this kind of money. If they do and they react negatively then they're being unrealistic and should rethink why they're really getting married. Is it to exchange vows or to go on vacation?
The polite way to do it is say unfortunate at this time we cannot financially afford the airfare/overnight accomodations/etc. We're terribly sorry blah blah. Then maybe give them a gift.
2007-04-03 11:48:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the only answer. Wish them well, send a gift and say you wish you could be there with them, but be clear you can't.
Your hubby is the only person that can do this - it would be unfair for you to have to deliver the message.
My brother did the same thing - we said sorry, what can we get you as a gift? It was much cheaper than the trip to a destination we didn't want to go to and couldn't take our children to anyway.
2007-04-03 11:47:27 · answer #5 · answered by taylormade4golf 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if everyone read part two - but yeah, she's a "Bridezilla" - I can't believe she told you to have kids later! And of course you can't fly when you're 7 months pregnant - airline wouldn't allow it even if you wanted to. Have your hubby tell her "NO" and why - tell her you'll be happy to take them to dinner and maybe do the "spa thing" the answer above recommended also. Get your mother-in-law on your side if you need to, this is both her grandchild and her daughter's wedding involved - I bet she'll help!
2007-04-03 17:27:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My hubby to be and I are having a "destination" wedding. The closest person will be 8-10 hours away from the wedding and reception site.
We are sending out invitations as soon as possible and giving our guests plenty of time to reserve that day.
BUT we also understand that not everyone will be able to attend due to finances or time off issues.
She should understand that not everyone will be able to make it to her wedding.
2007-04-03 14:01:59 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You simply say that you can't attend the wedding. Get her a fabulous gift instead, along with a card that says how sorry you are to have missed the big day.
No, you probably aren't the only one who thinks its selfish. But, it's not selfish. If you can't "fork over" the money, then don't. After all, it is *their* wedding; are they not allowed to have their dream because *you* can't afford to come? See, to me, *that's* selfish.
2007-04-03 12:12:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Have you already told her that you would be attending or are you just trying to figure out the "nicest way to tell her that you cannot financially go?
If you have already committed, she will have already started making arrangements and you should tell her as soon as possible.
IF not, tell her as soon as you can so that she will not include you in the wedding planning.
2007-04-03 12:02:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be straight up you can't afford to travel to where her wedding is. It's not selfish you're being realistic if your finances won't permit you to travel for a wedding she should be understanding of that. I wouldnt ask my friends who lived out of state to come if they couldnt afford to come.
2007-04-03 12:14:06 · answer #10 · answered by nabdullah2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋