restraining order question?

Question

my ex has been harrassing me by instant messanger and claiming things about me that are untrue to common friends of ours. about 6 months ago she also hacked into my email account and read a bunch of my emails and started giving me grief about them. I want to get a restraining order against her but I am not 100% sure yet. Is it smart to contact her and tell her that if she does not stop that I will report her to the police and then get a restraining order against her. Or would that make things worse for me? i would rather not have to go through all this but I am not sure if telling her would help me out or if it would be look at as a threat?

WOW.. thank you all for your fast reply. I was dating my ex for about 3 1/2 years and we have been broken up since nov 2005. when she first hacked into my email account and i found out I confronted her and I have an email from her saying that she did infact log in and read my emails and etc. I was under the impression that she was going to stop and leave me alone and stop bothering me but about 1 week ago i got a message from a buddy saying she had an away message on aol with my first and last name and link to a site that basically made me look as if i was into something that i am completely not. I contacted the site and was able to have them remove the post but im still afraid that she would try something else again. (after all, she did it once and now she is doing it again).
also, if i were to go to the police and file out a complaint against her, does she get notified of the complaint against her?

Answer 1

Usually the police will not get involved unless she has threatened you directly.

You know your ex and what she is like. Keep in mind that threats and restraining orders only deter normally sane, law-abiding citizens that have let their emotions overtake their common sense temporarily to straighten up. The truly crazies see it as a challenge of one upmanship and up the ante by becoming even more intense.

A better solution would be to contact your ISP provider and tell them what is happening and get their advice on what to do and how to prevent it.

Also, if you know who her ISP provider is, contact them also and advise them of what she is doing as it is a terms of service violation to be hacking into your account.

Answer 2

I know from experience that if you file a simple complaint against her, she is not notified. However, she DOES get notified if you try to file criminal charges against her, or if you decide to sue her in civil court(otherwise known as a "restraining order"). There were a few times where I approached police officers for advice on people that were bothering me, and I made it clear to them that I didn't want to file any charges just yet. So they advised me to fill out a complaint, so that in case the issue later escaladed and I wanted to pursue charges against the person, they would already have the complaint on file as a "history" of the problem. Because my complaint was only kept on record for future reference if the problem persisted, no charges/arrests were made and the person involved was not notified. However, I believe that if the person involved called up the police station to inquire about any recent complaints made, the police would have to tell them about it. Why wouldn't they?...Telling the person would serve as a "warning" or caveat so the person could stop the harassment before he gets in trouble, which would all-around benefit everyone(esp the person causing the trouble).

Now if you file a restraining order against her, of course she would be notified. The court papers would be delivered to her, most likely via certified mail or via a constable, to ensure that she received and acknowledged the court date. Then both of you would have to present yourselves in civil court. They usually declare restraining orders for a temporary period of time, such as 6mos. to 1yr, but sometimes you can get that extended at the end of the period. I heard that it's difficult to get a restraining order...you need to have proof of the harassment, and it has to be more severe than "he said she said" AOL stuff. For example, having an abusive significant other that beat you and is now serving a sentence for it...or an ex spouse that tried to kidnap your kid...big stuff like that. If the court does rule in your favor though, the ex-girlfriend will have to pay court fees(about $100). If the court turns it down, then YOU have to pay court fees. If anyone does not show up in court, then the judge will dismiss the case and the person that didn't show up will get the court fees.

I don't know much beyond that...

Answer 3

You don't mention how long ago this person became your "ex," however, if you are recently divorced you may wish to ask the attorney that handled the divorce to intercede.

If that's not an option you may ask a mutual friend to assist you to avoid a confrontational problem.

Another option would be to write a letter insuring you maintain a copy so that you have proof that you wrote what YOU wrote and nothing more. Ask her without going into specific history to stop any further contact with you through emails or mutual associates.

You could always change your email address and telephone number to avoid further confrontation.

I'm sure you don't wish to bring further potential problems by making police reports, however, if she refuses to grow up...it may be needed.

If your mutual friends are TRUE friends, they will take her comments with a grain of salt!

Best wishes.

Answer 4

Usually a restraining order requires the petitioner to be the victim of threatening behavior or abuse. Continued harassment, of the type you describe, may be enough under certain circumstances. However, if you get a restraining order and then the two of you want to get back together (why, I would never understand) getting it dropped may be impossible. So think it through carefully. Maybe calling a truce might be best if both of you are mature enough to respect one anther's boundaries. Good luck!

Answer 5

Warn her first and if that does not work go to the court house and set up a restraining order. You do not need to call the Police in order to get a restraining order. Once you have the restraining order it must be served to your ex. There are services that you pay to accomplish this. Once that is done, if she contacts you it will be a restraining order violation, which is a misdemeanor.

If you don't want to hassle with all that just tell her to knock it off and tell her you don't want to have any contact with her.

Answer 6

Actually, the very best thing you can do is to tell her to stop before you file anything. Do it in a method that's proveable--like mail or email. Don't do it in any way that she can deny you warned her. First class mail is fine, btw. You seldom need registered or certified mail for legal matters. The law presumes a letter sent by ordinary mail is delivered. If it does end up in court, the first thing the judge will want to know is if you told her to stop.

Answer 7

A letter from your lawyer to her telling her not to contact you or the police will be called would be a good idea as it would not be seen as harassment from you. You could also contact the police and have them ask her to stop the communication with you, and put in a report about it. If she continues then charges could be laid.

Answer 8

Do not even warn her about what you're going to do (she knows that what she's doing is wrong) just get the restraining order before her behavior escalates she could go as far as causing you bodily harm, you don't want to wait until that happens.

Answer 9

call the police and show them the email or print them out being a wome i can say sometimes not me but thers d things then turn it around so you look quilty so get the proof you need and report it