How can you stop the pain in you're heart when you lose a son.?

Question

My son born with a sick heart and he was only 3 year old. He born in Jan,31 95 and he died inFeb,16, 98 .I still miss him and its hard for mi when his birthday come around and I can't tell him how much I love him.
When my son was two week born he had heart sugery and when he was 4month he had another.
When my son get sick with a cold. I have to take him to the hospital and he stay for a week or more.He was a sick boy But now he's with god and his not sick any more .

My son doctor told mi if he was a life he will be in so much pain for so much sugery he need in his heart.

He was my first born and I have two more kids my daughter is 8 and my other son his 5
I thank you every one ?

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear about your son and the pain you've been dealing with. It's hard for others to sympathize with how you're feeling when they haven't experienced the loss of a child themselves. I strongly recommend you to talk to a pastor at a church or locate a support group for parents who have lost their children. Surrounding yourself with people who understand what you're going through and can allow you to talk about it and heal the right way will make all the difference in your recovery. Don't try to deal with this alone. Know though, that over time, your grief will be less intense and your life will go on. You will never forget your son, but hopefully you will get to the point where you can accept it.

Answer 2

I can honestly say the pain will never go away but I promise you that in time you learn to control that pain which makes life a little easier to cope with. Try and think of the good things that you shared with your son rather than the pain and struggle he went through. You are right he is in a pain free happy place right now and if you want to tell him you love him then shout it out loud I am sure he can hear you. I don't have any children myself but have lost my mum when I was very young and lost my brother nearly 2 years ago and have watched my Dad through all his grief so I know its different situation but the thoughts and feelings about losing anyone close is still hard. My thoughts are with you and stay strong xxx

Answer 3

I can sort of relate to your situation. My first daughter was stillborn when I was 38 weeks pregnant. My husband and I had just gotten back together after his 6 month deployment to Okinawa. The first appointment I had with my husband is when I found out the baby had died. I had no other family around because we lived in Hawaii. I am very thankful that I was given some type of drug when I went into labor that made me not remember a whole lot about the delivery. I was a very hard time for us. So even though I never had her as a daughter like you did your son, what I did to help myself was to remember the time I did have her, in my tummy. So try to remember all of the good times, the funny times, and even the frustrating times you've had with him. Buy a teddy bear and donate it to your local NICU. It takes time, but you will feel better.

Answer 4

Well that isnt something that you can get rid of so quickly. Time is the best healer. If your feelings and pain and suffering go too far then you may want to see someone about it. It's hard I'm sure. That's the worst pain a parent could ever go through. But one thing, dont let anyone say to you I know how you feel unless they actually do and went through it themselves. Comfort from people who love you always helps someone feel better. But like I said only time will tell.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry. My sister lost her daughter Francesca three years ago. Sometimes she just breaks out crying right out of the blue--losing Fran was really hard on her. I suppose I'll give you the same advice I gave my sister--there's nothing you can do, there is no way to forget ever. Pain only dulls over time. On your son's birthday remember by making him a cake or writing a letter--I know by experience that this really helps.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, you'll never stop missing him and you'll never stop hurting for the loss of your baby boy. But, as another respondant mentioned, the pain will dull over time.

What you can do in the meantime, is to keep the happy memories alive. Remember when you first held him. Remember the love you shared with him. Remember his firsts - smiling, cooing, laughing, walking, talking, hugging, all of his firsts - and smile as you remember them. Do you have pictures? Maybe you could make a scrap book that could help you continue to remember those firsts?

Also, remember what you said yourself - he's not sick or in pain anymore. He is whole and happy in the afterlife. He is also waiting for the day you and he will be together again.

Do you have other children? If so, let them help you, by celebrating their lives and their health. And keep his memory alive in them as well.

Bright blessings.

Answer 7

The pain may never stop. When my I was 10 my mother lost my little brother. She was 1 week to term, and when he turned to enter the birth canal the umbilical cord choked him.

It is still hard on me sometimes with the wondering what may have been, but some days my mother still cries. its been 20 years since this happened and she is still hurt by it at times. sometimes on his birthday, sometimes on Christmas, and sometimes just because.

You have started the healing, leave it to God. Cast your burden on Him. Let Him carry your pain. Only God truly knows how you feel and only He can help you through it.

I don't wish you to have pain, but one thing is for sure. Its hard to imagine a world without children. I morn your loss with you and pray you can find the peace you are looking for

Answer 8

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I don't think there any words to console such a tragic death. The only thing I can tell you is that your son would love to see you happy and living your life. He does not want his mother grieving and living in the cloud of his death. Rather, he wants you to be smiling and enjoying life. Just remember the good times and know he's in a far more beautiful place.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your loss, I have a son and a daughter and I can't imagine losing one of them, I have heard that its the worst kind of pain for a mother to lose a child. All I can tell you is to just pray for God to help you ease the pain.

God Bless.

Answer 10

You have my deepest sympathies for the loss of your son. Have you had any grief counseling? The pain is hard to manage.

When you have an anniversary, celebrate it. Write him a letter. Make a small cake. Say a prayer.