I have been dating my girl for 6 months now; she has a young son that i help take care of on weekends and we are pretty serious. she has an ex-boyfriend who I have had to deal with since the first day we met. He lived in her then apartment complex and they would hang out when i wasn't around. He never hung out with her when I was around.... my girlfriend said its because she was hanging with me and that she didn't need him. You see... he would help off-load her stress of being a single mom at times and was therefore part of her support network. It all makes sense... but its just one of those things that seems to be happening behind the scenes... something I am not a part of or in touch with... i don't know -- i guess no one's world should revolve around one person... but is this healthy -- normal? I mean what is her ex's motive -- to simply just help her and get nothing in return? I guess if they are friends that is enough. I am not pointing fingers just looking for perspectives.
2007-04-03 08:45:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
u should get t know the guy somehow, most my exes hang out with me alot & talk to me to releive stress, and the ones that do don't like me like that anymore. I'm just kind of a shoulder to cry on & a person to cheer them up when their boyfriend cant or because of somethin goin on with their boyfriend or watever. but I know of lots of guys that hang w/ there exes to get them back, & to their exes they really do just seem like a shoulder to cry on for a while. get to know the guy, maybe have him hang around her while ure around if she'll let u and maybe hang out with him alone and get to know him to see if u can trust him. also take into account that i am 16 and am just saying wat pops into my head, I havent had the kind of relationship u r also having with her so take my advice only if it sounds like good advice
EDIT: I'm seeing alot of negatives here on this but like u said him being a friend could be enough, jus keep that in mind
2007-04-03 08:56:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just went through the same thing, except I don't have a child. My ex boyfriend lives nearby and we had a very amicable breakup. He's a good friend and we still hang out. My new boyfriend was starting to have a problem with it. NOTHING is going on between my ex and me but it really bothered my current boyfriend. I've talked to my ex and he agreed that we may have to hang out less out of respect for my new boyfriend. I did appreciate that my new boyfriend was able to be honest with me. As much as I get along with my ex my priority is my current boyfriend. Perhaps your should tell her how you feel...just a thought. Also, I never hang out with my ex behind my boyfriends back...that's just fishy.
2007-04-03 15:58:22 · answer #2 · answered by ciao.rana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he the dad? because then yes you would have to put up with him hanging around. In fact I would hope that you would want the child's dad around. Its important for that child.
But if he is not the dad, I have to wonder why they are hanging out without you. If they just broke up, they may still be attached on some levels. Having been the girl in a similar situation I have to say that I told myself I was done with the origional guy, but I really wasn't. But I happened to date a guy and understood, and supported me. I started to slowly let him be my go to guy.
If she hasn't done anything outright, or acted overly suspicious I would ride it out. But I see no problem asking her to hang out with him only in public places, not at each others places alone. If shes got nothing to hide she won't refuse, and do it out of respect for you. Also encourage that all of you have dinner together. Make it known subtly that you are a presence in her life. All four (child too!) have dinner together. Watch movies, go to the park and feel out the situation. Just don't accuse her of anything or try and force her to not hang out. Then you turn it into something where she may indeed make it more than a friendship.
2007-04-03 16:00:34 · answer #3 · answered by cmv359 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
is he the baby's daddy?
it sounds like he's being really supportive...but that would bother me if my current partners ex was hanging around. you should talk to her and maybe think about if you want to or have a future with this girl.
2007-04-03 15:48:36 · answer #4 · answered by Your_Star 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you're looking at things both ways. It's hard to say. Keep your eyes and ears open, watch body language too, then make a decision.
2007-04-03 15:50:12 · answer #5 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it isn't. Same thing happened to me and he ended up having an affair with her after we got married.
2007-04-03 15:50:28 · answer #6 · answered by Jodi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is getting from both of you and if she really cared about you she wouldnt be hanging out with the other
2007-04-03 15:50:10 · answer #7 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think that she should be hanging out with her ex if she needs to hang out with him she needs to be with him.
2007-04-03 15:52:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Red light dude...that is a no no...find a way to get her to stop.
2007-04-03 15:49:44 · answer #9 · answered by Justintime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats NOT cool. What does she need him for, and the little talk about how she has you thats why he doesnt come around when your there. WTF, you cant be serious man, she playing you man
2007-04-03 15:49:38 · answer #10 · answered by big_tony63 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋