We are currently waiting to adopt a child(ren). Any ideas on how we can make the wait easier?

Question

We've been waiting to be matched with a child (or children) for a year now, since approval (several years since we started the whole adoption process). Feel a bit like our lives are on hold. Have been trying for a family for nearly ten years in total.

We've done the holidays, preparing the house (as much as we can), spending quality time as a couple, etc.

Does anyone have any constructive ideas how we can pass the time while waiting?

Thanks in advance!

Answer 1

Oh the wait is torturous at times, huh?

Some things I wish I had done during our wait: slept more, did more hobbies, took more short vacations, watched more movies, and got my house in tip-top shape.

Our nursery was complete with furniture and bedding (in unisex) and it helped to actively be doing something to be matched so we made adoption calling cards that we handed out to people.

I read LOTS of books on adoption and parenting. I did lots of daydreaming. And spent quality time with our friends.

I hope your wait isn't much longer. Someday you will (trust me!) look back and remember your wait as just a blur.

May you be holding your sweet baby in your arms soon!

Answer 2

Volunteer with kids, join a support group for parents, adopt an older or special needs kid. Think about something else. Be a great aunt or role model for a friends child. Sometimes things aren't meant to be but that doesn't mean that life can't go on. Maybe it will go easier anyway. Sometimes things do when you let go a little. Find a different goal without giving this one up. Do something that you've always wanted to do. Like travel somewhere or a new sport. Go to school for a new degree. Find some new hobby. Enjoy and good luck in all of your dreams!

Answer 3

Well, depending on where you're trying to adopt from depends on how long your wait is. I started with a private agency trying to adopt as a single parent in about 1998. I gave up when my background checks expired in 2000. They went back ten years, I had spent four months in 1992 living out of state, and I hadn't been back to that county in 8 years at that point. It was a real hassle to get that one done the first go-round and I decided if I had waited that long, I could wait a couple more years.

When I got married in 2003, we decided that we'd try again at some point. We went back to the agency I started with many years before in January of last year, procrastinated on the paperwork, and finally got it all together in September. Well, the worker who I absolutely adored retired and her "replacement" (and I use that term lightly) was more concerned about a stain on my carpet than with placing kids.

We switched agencies in November (now, mind you I've been bouncing around with these adoption ideas for many many years) and now we're working with our county. We've had the opportunity to do respite care for a total of 8 children, and last Friday I was talking to my worker about the little girl we were getting for the weekend when she overheard her coworkers about an emergency placement of two girls, ages 2 and 4. They are beautiful, and sleeping two rooms away from where I am now. The parental rights are in the process of being terminated and we have a decent chance at keeping them.

I might consider another agency if it took several years to complete a homestudy and a year since approval. Unless you're looking for a new born right out of the hospital, that's an awful long time!

Answer 4

First of all, warm thoughts to you on such a long and difficult process, that will pay off wonderfully some day.
I like the ideas here to volunteer in some capacity with children. There are hospitals that take volunteers just to snuggle with the preemies--sounds pretty awesome to me!
I would also recommend starting a blog to chronicle the process from beginning to end. A bit more high tech version of the standard journal, and soon you will find others out there reading and commenting, learning from you and sharing their experiences. You can fill it with photos of everything you've put into the house in preparation.
Good luck!

Answer 5

I think it is fantastic that you have been choosen and now waiting for your child and I know how long and hard a wait it can be as my friend has been through the same thing. She has just had her second son now and it is so lovely to see her and her family so happy.
I can understand why you have to go through what you do but it is long so congratulations for getting through it and I hope you dont have to wait much longer.
My friends boys are just like her and her husband you would think that they were their birth parents.
She kept a diary whilst she was waiting which had all her happiness, frustration ect in so that she could show the boys just how much they were wanted and loved before they even arrived.
She continued her job so that they could save money as she gave job us as soon as her son arrived.
She went on a holiday of a lifetime as she knew that once she was a mom going on holiday together as couple would be hard but did not want it anyway.
I know you have already done all what I have suggested but really there is not much else you can do it will come soon I can feel it.
My friend did not wait long just over the twelve months in fact 14 months so it could be any day now.

Answer 6

Hi, im sorry you havent managed to have a family of your own and i only hopeone day you will. Its hard really to suggest anythign becasue nothign in the world will distract you from getting a so much wanted and loved family of your own.
Maybe theres a room in your house your nt quite happy with and could re decorate, im currently expecting my second child and i would think its much the same the 9 month wait only we know when to expect the arrival wheras you dont which would make it worse im sure. But nothing we do makes it seem to go any quicker.
You could keep on at the adoption agency to remind them you are waiting, or maybe offer to take a relatives children out for days out, visit a local childrens home and speak to the social services about being allowed to do day trips with them etc.
Nothing is going to take your mind off it so you arent going to get the perfect answer but you could perhaps fill empty days up with busy schedules. And good luck, id love to adopt someday but as i can have children of my own it is doubtful i would be allowed where we live as here you can only adopt a child if you cannot have children of your own. know that one day you will give an unprivelidged child a loving family home, something i could only ever dream of doing. Good luck

Answer 7

Keep a journal of your life so you can share it with your child someday. You can record your daily activities and how you felt the very moment you got the news about your adoption. Read as many books on child-rearing as you can and be around children. Visit zoos and parks and talk to as many parents as you can. They are the real experts. You'll look back on these days in the future with a real feeling of loss if you don't use them constructively. I sat next to a couple on a flight home recently who had spent about as much time waiting for their child as you have. They flew to Russia to bring her back and were on the final leg of the journey when I spoke to them both. They were relieved but worried about how their lives were about to change. I assured them that after a pregnancy there are so many physical adjustments to make to get back to anything close to "normal" that it would probably be much easier for them to adjust to life as parents. At least you won't be dealing with hormonal ups and downs and post-natal depression! There may be a little feeling of being let down once the adoption process is over and you suddenly have nothing to look forward to. Plan a trip to show off your new little one 2 to 3 months after you get him or her home and do keep that journal going. It will be a priceless gift someday to share with your child when they are older and want to know all about the details of becoming yours. Good luck to you both- you'll be fine and make great parents, I'm sure!

Answer 8

When I adopted, the wait was the worst thing ever. I think what helped us just keeping busy. Of course this is easier said than done. If you work, just throw yourself into it.
Waiting to adopt is kind of like waiting for a boyfriend when you are single. It will drive you crazy if you keep thinking about it all the time. These things happen when you are least expecting it.
You may want to plan a vacation. It will keep you busy planning it, plus you will have something else to look forward to. Trust me on the vacation thing, you need it. It may be the last time you can take one with just you and your husband for a very long time.

BTW... Congrats on choosing to adopt.

Answer 9

May I suggest that you could foster a child in the meantime, as all children that are under social services for one reason or another need love, care and attention.Or you could perhaps volunteer at a childrens home or organisation. It will give you good ground experience, and more importantly be spreading the love around that you obviously have for kids.Speak to your key worker and see what they think.
Very good luck to you both for the future.

Answer 10

Congratulations on your choice to adopt ~~~ YES.

Read ~~~ buy the hardbound classics if you can ~~~ and start reading everything you and you husband can get your hands on ~~~ it is the greatest gift you can give your child(ren) is to have them grow up in a home that has a library. Not just in the home but in a parents head.

Answer 11

well first of all congratulations!the process of adopting children is long and hard . while you are waiting for your new child there are many things you can do such as design your new child's bedroom or change any bad habbits that might affect your childs well-being. you can also start looking at local parks, schools, and day care centers.talk to your friends that have experience in parenting they will help alot!