Will he ever propose, not looking good =(?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half, we're both 26. I'm a little confused at what he wants in the relationship. We live together, I take care of him, talk about marriage -- however, no ring. He'll bring it up one day and then the next talk about how he's still young and not ready. Its as if its a game to him. And please don't say, "your ohhh so young." 26 and unmarried is not that young for a woman, I don't want to have kids at...35! And if I bring marriage up to him he gets really defensive - HOWEVER its okay for HIM to bring it up whenever he wants it.

My friends think that instead of renewing our apartment lease in the summer, I should move out if he's not ready yet and get back to focussing more on "me." I don't want to do this, we've put so much time, effort into our place and I love living together--but if he is not ready to commit (by then we will have been together 2 years) then I think changes need to be made.

Suggestions please...I'm feeling pretty low right about now =(

Answer 1

Give him a little bit of time. If 3 years pass and he hasn't popped the question, then he never will. Just be patient. If he loves you and cares about you, he will.

Answer 2

Well first of all, you are young yet and if he cannot even TALK about marriage unless its on his terms, that is not good. Second, why should you move out? Throw him out. If you know in your heart of hearts this is the guy for you, tell him you want to get married and if he does not propose by the time the lease is up, he has to leave. He does not sound like he is looking toward the future like you are and yes he is young and wants to still have some freedom, let him get it out of his system now. A year and a half is not that long but if you are ready to give the "either...or", go for it. Lastly, don't schedule life!! I used to try to do that and honestly, you find the right guy whenever, you get married whenever, you have babies whenever, don't be too critical on you. If you don't live up to your own expectations, it's rough. Give yourself a break.

Answer 3

Ok, so what's the reason why you want to get married? I mean the real reason deep down inside...and don't say its because you love him and yada, yada, yada cuz marriage is not based on love alone. Marriage is hard work and if you go into it half a** it will not work. If he is not ready for marriage, don't force the issue. Are you guys even engaged yet? If not, this just may be your sign that you need to move on. What man isn't going to want to have his woman by his side at all times, especially if you are taking good care of him....Marriage is like the last frontier for some men and its really scary to have to take on the responsibilities and come thru all the time. It's a totally different situation that comes into play when you join as one. I think maybe you should have a serious conversation with him and make him understand your views and you to listen to him as well. You still got about another 2 good years before you should start getting worried about being married. If things are good between the two of you now don't mess things up. When he has matured and realizes the importance of being married to you is...he'll come around. Until then, enjoy life and good luck.

Answer 4

You are too good for this and you are right, at 26 its time for you to start getting serious about marriage, you arent too young.

I agree with your friends, tell him that you wont be renewing your lease with him. When he asks why tell him that its because you have invested all this time and effort and at this point when you feel you are ready to take the next step, he doesnt seem to and you feel that its time for you to move on because you DO want to get married. Its time to put your foot down, you are not a bad person for doing this. If he's not ready, then he's not ready, but you are and you cant be expected to wait around for him until he is ready, what if that never happens?

Do whats best for you, tell him the deal and plan to move out when you lease is up. But I would tell him now so that he has enough notice to either shape up or get himself into a new living situation.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I was the same way. After about 2 years, I told my boyfriend nicely that I feel he should know by now if I'm the person he wants to marry. I said that I'm ready but if he is not, then I'd like him to move on so I can find the man I'm suppose to marry.
I think your friend is right, you should move out. You shouldn't shack up before being married in the first place. Leave him wanting more. Right now, he has everything without the commitment.

Answer 6

You answered your own question. If he is not ready to commit then changes need to be made. If you are not satisfied staying just living together and you want a family--then you need to find someone who will give you that, or you will be really sorry 5 years from now--when you've wasted all your time and he still doesn't want to get married. Tell him how you feel, and that if he doesn't want to commit, that you do not want to renew the lease. You can still see each other, but you want to be married eventually and if he can't give that to you, that you want to have other options to find the life that you want.

Answer 7

I was in one of these types of relationship but we didn't live together. I would pack my stuff and move.... I actually dump the guy which was really hard then ran into a friend of a friend at the bar. Love at first sight!! Now we are engaged and have been together for 2 years.... and that loser I left behind still isn't ready for a committed relationship!!! He was telling mutual friends I scar him but fact is he doesn't want to grow up and being in a relationship means he would have to.

Answer 8

First off I had my son when I was 35 whats so wrong with that? Infact alot of women are waiting until later in life to have children.

Now to answer your question there is an old saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". You take care of him, you cook for him, clean for him and no doubt wash his clothing and help pay all bills beyond what is only in your name correct? I agree with your friends move out and focus on you and your life and if he comes around great, if not find a man who will. You already admit changes need to be made now find the courage to change it. Tell him straight out that when it comes time to renew the lease you will not be signing the papers that you plan on getting your own place if he asks why tell him and dont let his bs guilt trips keep you around.

A good friend of mine spent 10 yrs of her life with a man like your describing thinking they'd get married and guess what they didnt. That was 10 yrs of her sitting around hoping basically 10 yrs wasted

Answer 9

Hmm...I'm kinda torn on this one...half of me says you're in the wrong, the other half says you're in the right. You are young...but at the same time, you're not too young. One thing I want to ask is did you ever live on your own or did you go from living with your 'rents to living with your boyfriend? Years ago I worked with someone who stated that was one of her regrets (as she was pregnant with her 6th kid) that she never had a chance to be out on her own and be comfortable with that...that should be a requirement and something I learned later in life and did - I was with my ex 10 1/2 years so went from living with my parents to him, then back to my parents...on my own for a year and a half and now buying out of my lease early to move in with my boyfriend of 9 months. My ring is coming shortly and we plan to marry next year - we have an open line of communication both ways, communicate like adults, your boyfriend getting defensive when you bring it up is childish. I think that perhaps you may need to move out, enjoy life, find yourself, give him a chance to find himself. If it's meant to be it will, but don't force it. Sometimes two people really aren't meant to be in the long run...and you still have plenty of time before you're even 30 to find someone else who is on the same page with you in every aspect.

Answer 10

I only had to read the first part of the question to know you were living with the guy. I'm amazed at how stupid young women have become. The second you agreed to move in with him, you became less valuable to him. He knew he wasn't going to have to work to get you, and that you wouldn't hold him to a higher standard. If you had refused to move in with him, he would have had to marry you himself, or take the chance that you would find someone else. Now, he's pretty much got you "off the market", but he still has no commitment. Why would he want to change that? I'm sure this is not what you want to hear, and I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but if marriage is what you want, you need to move out. He will either realize what he is losing, and ask you to marry him, or not. If he doesn't, you will be free to move on, and find someone who wants the same things you do.

Answer 11

:( it's tricky.

I agree with your friends though. Give it a little more time... but if he still doesn't commit, then do move out.

The thing is, the difference between good couples and great couples comes down to one thing. Good couples gaze into each others eyes... great couples gaze in the same direction together. (I definately coined that off of someone, can't remember where though)

Maybe suggest to him exactly what I just said - you don't have compatible goals. If he wants to live like a kid without commitment, that's up to him... but it doesn't mean you have to as well.