What to do about divorced parents on Easter (or any other holiday)?

Question

Im just wondering if I can get other people's input on what to do. This happens to me every time that there is a big holiday (ie Christmas, Thanksgiving) and now that Easter is here, well here we go again. My parents have been divorced for almost 10 years and are not on speaking terms with eachother. Both my mom and dad have large families and usually I try to see both sides on the holidays. The problem is my dad's family doesnt seem to think it is important to plan ahead. So, three weeks ago my mom told me where Easter was going to be with her family and what time it was going to be at. I called my dad right after talking to her asking if they had any idea about Easter so I could try to make plans. My dad just got back to me yesterday and let me know that Easter will be at noon and at an aunt's house that lives about an hour away from the rest of my father's family. To make matters worse I am in a serious relationship and I am close to his parents too. I would like to spend

some time on the holidays with them also. I think that it is unfair for my father to wait until so late to let me know what is going on. It stresses me out and makes it very difficult to plan when I have so much going on on one day. Any advice on what to do? What should I do on Sunday? Ive already committed to my mom and dont think I can make it to both places since the timing is so close and my dad's family is far away. I have tried to talk to my dad about this, but he just blows it off or acts like I am chosing my mom's family over him. ARGH!

Answer 1

hmmm. you have got a serious issue on your hands. why can't you do the same thing you did (if they were divorced at the time) when you were younger? every other holiday spent with the other parent? AND a set time for you to be with your significant others family?

I am sorry. It sounds like your dad is being a little inconsiderate of your feelings and making you feel guilty, making you feel as if you are choosing sides, which I am sure is not the case. What are you going to do if and when you get married? The same issues will rise again and again. My inlaws are divorced fairly recently and the children are all over the age of 18. They opt to do the every other holiday.

It is really hard when people don't plan far enough ahead to allow you the opportunity to even out the time spent with each other. I think you should set any misgivings you have aside and spend the time with the family that you have committed to already and plan to spend the next holiday with your dad's family. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 2

Divorce, children and holidays sometimes lead to stress - overloaded emotions - and hard feelings. What I've just read is not uncommon. Quite frankly - Dad is being more than a tad irresponsible. But you love both of your parents regardless of who is right or who is wrong. To ease the tension with everyone, you might think about setting up a holiday schedule yourself. Each parent gets you on every other holiday - and the next year you flip it around so you're not spending the same holidays with the same parent. With this type of plan in place there really should be no reason for anyone to be upset about you "choosing" one over the other. Everything is equal - and everything is fair. You will find - later on in life that these issues don't go away. They rise their nasty little heads again when in-laws enter the picture are well.

Answer 3

Unfortunately this is all too common....I too have this struggle with the exception that my parents do now get along, but it's hard to decide. Here's what we do....alternate...take turns visiting .....you spend Thanksgiving with one family this year, Christmas with the other....Easter with his family...yes it gets confusing...write it down on a calandar...if you're mom is closer and is a little more understanding maybe you can celebrate with her the night before or the weekend before. My mom & stepdad always have Christmas the weekend before...they have 5 kids between the two of them....that way we all get to spend Christmas with them and then all the opportunity to spend actual Christmas day with our spouses family or our other parents! Holidays are about the fellowship with family...not the day you celebrate it on! Another option is to have the holiday family gathering at your house...let them come to you. Plan a full day....brunch/lunch and then a dinner....let them know...mom and so and so will be here at lunch.....we'd love you, Dad to join us around dinner time. That way you're not the one traveling...especially if you have kids!!!

Answer 4

Arrgh, I feel your pain!

I used to go through that for years too ... It all ended when one year one of my parents decided to spend a holiday with significant other's family and did not see me at all!

I made my point very clear how ridiculous all this fighting over holidays was, and they both now know better than to put pressure on me and make a big deal of it.

If this has been going on for 10 years for you already, I promise there is an end in sight.

Answer 5

This is a hard situation and will continue to grow harder as you get old and have children of your own. However, my best solution would be to do one holiday at your mom's and one at your dad's that way maybe you can do lunch at mom's on Easter and then go to b/f on Easter night. Do Thanksgiving at your dad's and split Christmas between Christmas eve and Christmas day. I hope this helps. It sucks to split the holidays, but sit down with both of them individually and explain that it was their decision to separate and you are fine with that, but you want to do things this way because it makes it easier for you. Their your parents they should listen

Answer 6

I would tell dad that since he got back to you so late, you won't be able to spend Easter with him this year. Perhaps next year he will be more timely and get back to you so you can work it out to see both sides of the family. YOU DID NOT DO THIS, YOUR FATHER DID!

Answer 7

I'd stick with your mom. She gave you a time first and you dad took a long time to get back to you. Don't let it get to you. It's their problem, not yours. Have you ever hosted a dinner of your own on a holiday? And if your parents continue to not get along, then just start spending the holidays with your boyfriend's family.

Answer 8

Got it. I always start my advice of with - honesty works the best in most situations. I meen- tell people how you really feel then maybe try my advice...

Who do you want to visit the most out of all them? Go there. Amen.

Tell the rest of them you love em, miss em, ya ya. They are not going to hate you- I'd bet you on that! Then tell em that you'll either visit them some other time or spend the next holiday with them,ect.. Put this stress to rest permanently. Then enjoy your holidays from here on out!

Answer 9

My mothers and dads have been given divorced while i replaced right into a youngster. specific it truly is going to be uncomfortable (slightly) yet maximum of your kinfolk might have the decency to no longer deliver it up. No sugar coating - it is not going to be the comparable even nevertheless it is not going to be a foul journey you will in no way recover from the two. call your dad and need him a happy thanksgiving and then bypass on with it. in case you do no longer point out it there's a sturdy hazard your loved ones won't communicate approximately it the two.

Answer 10

You seem old enough to go wherever you choose to go. I know its hard but you cant please everyone all the time. You should of told your dad, That with this late notice you wont be able to make it this time and ask if the two of you could plan some one on one time or something instead.