My girlfriend is a perfectionist who has extremely high expectations for herself and me.Should I stay in this?

Question

We met senior year of college and have been together for over a year. We live in different cities (100 miles apart) and see each other 2-3 times per month.Recently our true differences have been coming out. She is very logical, fact based, plans a lot, needs stuff to make sense. I am "feeling based", trust my gut instinct, happiness-driven, in the moment type of person. At first we seemed to complement each other, but now we have been fighting, especially over issues like money (she nickel and dimes everything and gets mad when she has to remind me to pay her back)(i think it all comes back in the long run) and thinks I am immature with leaving stuff out, toilet seat up, dishes in sink etc.We seem to have a strong bond for us to have stayed together this long, but is it too much of a sacrifice to deal with such different personalities? Am I being unfair to not change some of my ways?What is the best route to take here?Take a break to realize what we truly have? Beginning to be unhappy.

Answer 1

Ask yourslef if you can see marrying her. That is what dating is all about. *Dating is test-driving people out*

You should not have to change for anyone and it is completely unreasonable for anyone to request it. Your job in life is to be the best person you can be and if that is not good enough for this potential mate, it will be good enough for someone else would prefer a guy like you. You seem reasonable enough.

Separating right now while you are still geographically apart will be way easier than doing it in the same city.
I know I would not be able to put up with her long term either. Can you really imagine trying to live with that? You know she will not change.

You are still young. You will find a girl with a lighter side who fits you better.

Good luck. :0)

Answer 2

Opposites attract! I would step back and consider how important this relationship is to you. If it's truly important, then you will need to change some things to make it work. If you want to stay in it, I suggest sitting down with your girlfriend and having a talk--both of you will need to change some habits, make some compromises, so you can meet in the middle. It sounds like the things that are driving you apart are relatively simple issues--they're not core values or beliefs. So if you really care about each other, you'll be able to work it out. But if you're not in it for the long haul, go ahead and bail out now. These types of differences start to come out after a couple has been together for some time, so I think it's a natural part of the relationship process. If you want to, you can work through it. Both of you must be willing to make some changes. For instance, you could commit to working on leaving the toilet seat down; while she could agree to either not lend money to you or work out a better system to remind you to pay it back. Money is a big issue between couples, so if you have different spending styles, then you'll need to get that cleared up now. I'd recommend keeping your finances separate as much as possible--I'm a nickel and dime person, and I understand where your girlfriend is coming from. That's a hard mindset to break, because usually it's developed while you're growing up. She'll probably feel more secure if she has her own checking account, savings account, and doesn't lend you money. Keep in mind that it's not about trusting you--it's hard to explain if you're not a penny saver, but we just don't feel okay unless everything (i.e., every penny!) is accounted for. I'd recommend talking to her about your different money styles--then you'll understand each other better. Ask her why she feels the way she does about money, and maybe that will help you empathize. For instance, I'm a little obsessive about money because my family was never financially secure growing up and I've had to put myself through college. Never knowing whether you'll be able to pay the rent or buy food will make you that way! Seeing that, could you understand better why money might be such a big deal to her? And, fyi, girls always hate the toilet seat up! =) It seems to be a global thing.

I think you're right, though, when you said you complement one another. You do--and that's a great thing. I would love to have a partner who is more relaxed and easy-going than I am. But the little things have to get worked out!

Good luck, and I hope that helped!

Answer 3

Based on the way you asked your question, I would say taking a break would be good for you. If it turns out you can't live without each other then you can come back and work on these issues, but I don't get the feeling you have that type of commitment to this relationship and would probably be happier finding someone closer and more compatible with yourself.

There is no rule that says every relationship you are in must be worked out... that is why we date people. If we aren't compatible with each other, we move on. If you are having huge issues after a year that is not a good sign.

Answer 4

If you are asking Yahoo answers advice, I think you might already have an idea of how your feeling about this situation. :) Regardless of how often its said, life is short- and it's not worth spending a day, week, or YEARS unhappy with someone for the sole purpose of being with someone because it DID work. Relationships don't always mean forever, and while it's sad to end them and move on- I think you'll find yourself happier, and find a girl a little more down to earth, and doesn't mind a dish or two in the sink. =) These problems are only the start to what will come should you stay in it long term- and if you are starting to be unhappy now, survey says X for a long and happy future. Live life. :)

Answer 5

Yeah, opposites attract, but likes stay together.
It is hard to deal with a perfectionist. They are motivated by fear, so they are irrational. It is "my way or the highway" with most of them. When things are not their idea of "perfect" they feel insecure. It is a FAILING-not a blessing. She is trying to "FIX" you. Do you get to "FIX " her? uh, no.
It works if you RESPECT each other's differences. It sounds like she doesn't respect YOU, but expects you to respect her wishes. Who died and made her "boss"?
There ARE ways you can modify your behaviour to make yourself a better "roommate" like picking up after yourself, keeping the toilet seat ALWAYS down (germs), and doing minimal housework expertly. This is about being a decent grown-up who doesn't expect mommy to clean up after you forever.
No matter the "feeling" person you are, I recommend you grow up to the extent that you can keep house alone. You will find few women who want to sign on to baby-sit. Sex is not THAT good.
Your momma did you a great disservice not to make you clean up after yourself, like it is your brithright..
This is not so much about this particular girl. She may or may not be able to grow out of her "perfectionism."
My feeling here is to let her go so she can find some guy who is more trainable. She doesn't respect your way of doing things.
If you had been living together the last year, one of you would have left already. Its working because you get long breaks from each other.
My feeling is for you to find someone who is not such high maintenance. Someone who is more laid-back. She will still not want to baby-sit you , but she might be more likely to appreciate your "happiness-based" attitude.
PS. EVERYONE is "happiness based," just different things make us happy.
If you are fighting all the time, it is a wake-up call that you are incompatible and time to go.
You will be able to sacrifice, compromise, and be happy with someone else, who loves you for YOU.
Good luck honey. Dare to be happy.

Answer 6

Well congrats on keeping a long distance relationship working that's an accomplishment. I would take a break and see what you guys are missing, and really decide if you guys are happy and can repair the little things. Sometimes little things really do matter and other times couples move on and move forward:) Good Luck, being happy is very important in the long run.

Answer 7

Here is a better idea instead of just dumping her try and make her be an unperfectionist. Do this by completely messing up her entire apartment. Do the most ludacrous thigns you can imagine. Take a dump in her bed, pour semen in here drawers. Line her refrigerator with cat urine. Take her television and have european scat porn playing repeatedly without ebing able to stop. Have her machine say that she is too busy to answer because she is trying to get an enitre bucket of marbles out of her @ss. If you really must dump her, do it with style: convince her to perform fallatio and then ejaculate all over her face. When you are done push her out the porch, pull the fire alarm and yell "its over". Nice.