We met senior year of college and have been together for over a year. We live in different cities (100 miles apart) and see each other 2-3 times per month.Recently our true differences have been coming out. She is very logical, fact based, plans a lot, needs stuff to make sense. I am "feeling based", trust my gut instinct, happiness-driven, in the moment type of person. At first we seemed to complement each other, but now we have been fighting, especially over issues like money (she nickel and dimes everything and gets mad when she has to remind me to pay her back)(i think it all comes back in the long run) and thinks I am immature with leaving stuff out, toilet seat up, dishes in sink etc.We seem to have a strong bond for us to have stayed together this long, but is it too much of a sacrifice to deal with such different personalities? Am I being unfair to not change some of my ways?What is the best route to take here?Take a break to realize what we truly have? Beginning to be unhappy.
2007-04-03 05:30:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Dude, you need to conduct a needs assessment.
You are GROWN!
Further, when you are in a relationship you have to consider the other party more than yourself and your needs.
Think about it.
Why do you think you leave the toilet seat up?
Probably because you are not thinking about your girl when she has to use the restroom AFTER you are done!
If you were thinking about your girl, as you should, you would leave the bathroom as a gift to her. You would remember to let the seat down because you are thinking about how she would feel.
Further, if you were thinking about your girl, you would wash dishes every now and then, because she probably doesn't want to think about dirty dishes when she is trying to make love to you. That thought WILL be in the further reaches of her mind!
I am not suggesting that you become a wuss, but you need to stop thinking so much about YOU and think about your girl just a little bit more.
Finally, BE MORE RESPONSIBLE with your MONEY. Read up and show better character with how you manage your money. There are goo gobs of books out there. And just remember this about money -- when you fail to plan -- you plan to fail!
If you are unwilling or don't want to do any of these steps, then screw her, and keep on stepping!
Don't make this any more complicated than it needs to be.
2007-04-03 05:44:55 · answer #1 · answered by DaMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being together for a year with someone who lives 100 miles away is not a measure of bond. It takes longer to really get to know someone. It takes longer for all those "little annoying things" to come out.
Leaving stuff out, not paying her back, dishes in the sink is not "feelings based". It's irresponsible.
Are you willing to sacrifice being irresponsible for someone you care for?
2007-04-03 12:39:45 · answer #2 · answered by JB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question.
If you doubt the relationship NOW, then what will it be like in a few more months or years?
Do the good times out weigh the bad?
Do the bad times out weigh the good?
If you're spending all the time you are together (which isn't much) fighting, bickering, or trying to live up to her expectations and just being all around unhappy... then find someone who loves you for you and makes you happy.
2007-04-03 12:35:56 · answer #3 · answered by Vanora S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call it quit! I mean really.
Me and my husband have been together for 6 years and now still fighting a lot. Thought we loved each other so much, It could work.. but no.. it never works.
Just not compatible. different personality, POV, purpose in life, taste, etc. Everything was so wrong!
2007-04-03 12:39:44 · answer #4 · answered by #1 Girl -She's Bittersweet- 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now, she won't get less perfectionistic. Besides who the hell said the toilet seat had to be down?? Yes, I am woman. My husband is the ***** here.
2007-04-03 12:35:08 · answer #5 · answered by dtwladyhawk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you love her the way she is, but she needs to accept you the way you are. Love is wanting the other person to be happy and she seems unable to want that for you.
2007-04-03 12:38:29 · answer #6 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
run dont walk run... in the end it will make you both unhappy. Im fact based, logical, planning type of person. He drove me nuts and i drove him crazy. unless one of you is willing to change. its not going to work
2007-04-03 12:47:09 · answer #7 · answered by katy r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
escape now before it's too late
2007-04-03 12:41:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋