For 5 years now I've put up with her snide comments, bringing up his ex girlfriends in conversation (even though I'm told she detested every single one of em) and her telling me how to run my own home and bring up my daughter! I'm starting to lose patience. The hubby knows what she's like but his hands are tied. HELP!!
2007-04-03 03:59:15 · 21 answers · asked by angel.eyes5560 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your husband needs to stand up to his mom & tell her that her comments about ex g/f's & how to run your home & how to raise your daughter, are none of her concern. His hands are not tied. A real man, will put his mom in her place lovingly but firmly, out of respect for you. He's married to you not his parents. The easy thing to do is to do nothing, but that will only cause more problems in the long run. I was in your shoes many years ago. My ex let his parents walk all over me with their advice & comments about this & that. I grew to despise these people for thirty eight years. It could have been avoided if only my ex would have put them in their place from day one. During our marriage, I could do nothing right & they didn't care what they said to me in front of my young sons. It made me look bad, until I had a talk with them. If your husband can't take care of the issues at hand, then you'll have to do it & don't mince any words. Good luck!!!!
2007-04-03 04:20:00 · answer #1 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sooooo Sorry that you are going through this I know the feeling!! Oh how I know what you're going through I have the snide comments which is Very High School for a MIL who is in her early Forties!! I'm only ten years younger than her and I get embarrassed for her!! I also have the oh so helpful parenting tips (I have two boys 11 and 8 that I raised as a single parent)on how to raise my hubby and my daughter I too loose my paitence but I kept on trying to get along with them and letting it all slide right off my back until Christmas this last year when she pulled the same **** again with the snide comments She took what was supposed to be a happy family time and made it a horrible time and Very uncomfortable for me and she was loving it!! thankfully I made my husband call her the next day and tell her how we felt and how he felt about it and we have not seen them and only had 2 conversations(1min each) with them since!She ofcourse did nothing wrong and my husband was in the wrong for bringing this all to her attention We will be celebrating our 1 year Ann on Sunday and I know that we needed to nip it in the Butt so we could also celebrate our 2yr and so on!! Needless to say we are celebrating with friends and my family ~ people who have been supportive and loving to the both of us and our family NOT TOXIC PEOPLE!! See what they don't realize is that when the sons finally see the light and realize mommy dearest is really coniving and manipulating and controlling they not only loose their control but they loose even more thier sons and grandchildren also!!Try to talk to your husband with feeling words that's what I did and he sees the light now I just told him how his mother makes me feel and gave him a bunch of examples (which were not hard to come up with thanks to her!) and how each one was freying my relationship with her and us and how it was making me feel uptight when around her and the other inlaws and how she knows she's doing it and she doesn't care what I feel cause that's the whole piont of her doing it or why would I have So many examples of times I feel this way This problem can cause a divorce so protect yourselves and you marriage!!!!!! Good Luck to you both!!
2007-04-03 14:21:32 · answer #2 · answered by Nautia75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to untie his hands and have a talk with his mother, not you. Don't respond to her comments just give her a look then look away from her, she will soon get the message without you having to say anything. Say as little as possible to her and never ever tell her anything. Hubby needs to speak with her before you completely close the door on her and that's where it looks like this is heading. GL
Have one of my own...
2007-04-03 11:08:48 · answer #3 · answered by Gabriele 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes ...I think all of them living with mom-in-laws.. They always like to make comparisons and make the daughter in law feel let down. I 'm sure they are jealous..Or whatever....But I've never really seen any mom in laws living happily with they daughter in laws. The only thing you could do is to do everything to make her feel happy(nevertheless she'll still complain) and win her over.
The hubby is doing his best by remaining silent, rather than making things worse.
All the Best
2007-04-03 12:18:12 · answer #4 · answered by Salooni S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His hands aren't tied. If he feels his mother is being abusive of you than he needs to speak up. You both need to sit down and make a list of what has been offensive then he needs to take his mom to lunch and bring up her relationship and treatment of you. He needs to tell her that she needs to stop bring up old girlfriends (enough time has past now) and she has to stop criticism your housekeeping, child rearing, parenting, and wifely duties. He needs to tell her and if he won't than he needs to support you in your efforts to tell her. She may truly not realize she's doing it as much as she is or at all, it could be just a really bad habit and she may not mean anything by it, so she should be willing to work on changing her behaviors. And if by chance she is doing it deliberately than you need to set the rules and she needs to abide by them and you won't be "friends" but you won't be abused by her any longer. After all her son chose to marry you and she loves him and usually feels his decisions are good ones, right? Good luck and God Bless.
2007-04-03 11:11:49 · answer #5 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother-in-law is lovely, but my husband wont not say that about his, they have always had problems but i put my foot down with them, my husband and kids come first, i didnt talk to my parents for 3 years, but they came round in the end
2007-04-03 11:46:44 · answer #6 · answered by jayz81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew she was like this going in but you married him anyway. Therefore you have just have to take it, she came with the husband.
Please don't put your husband in the position between you and your mother-in-law. It's a no win for him and it's very unfair. Just try to decrease the interaction between your family and hers. That isn't too much to ask from your husband, but anything else would be.
2007-04-03 11:04:59 · answer #7 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are your husband`s hands tied ? Ask him to back you up on this - it`s his duty. When she sees the 2 of you united she`ll soon stop. She`s doing it coz she`s getting away with it, and believe me, it can only get worse.
2007-04-03 11:07:41 · answer #8 · answered by yahoobloo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
of course your husband's hands are not tied!He is a man i presume?.He must tell her not to interfere with his marriage as it upsets you and susequently it upsets him!The best way for you to cope if he wo'nt do this is to just imagine her with no clothes on(that should amuse you and she will not know why you are smiling!!)also just ignore her and carry on in your own way(this will then annoy her)failing any of the aforementioned working i would consider moving away from her if that is possible.good luck.
2007-04-03 11:43:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sucks that he hasn't cut the cord yet. It's gonna come to a breaking point very quickly if he doesnt' be a man and stand up to his mom belittling you. Putting your foot down could help, but it could also force him to choose sides, and you may not have his full confidence.
2007-04-03 11:09:51 · answer #10 · answered by rg778sx 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋