Is it a terrible thing to tell my sister inlaw she can't be in my wedding party because...?

Question

She is too fat?

Here's the situation. After all her friends backed out of her wedding party and she was desperate for someone to be in her wedding party, I was volunteered. She said, "No, you are too tall and thin and you'll make me look bad on my wedding because I'm so short and fat." She really is a whale. I'm having my brother in the wedding party, but if she wants to know why I won't include her, should I tell her because she's too much of a blimp and I wouldn't want her to stick out and ruin the pictures? I hope she asks just so I can say that. What do you think?

If it weren't for the fact that she married my brother, I probably wouldn't even invite her. I mean, we have to pay for 3 or 4 extra meals to feed that cow...

Okay, I admit. What I plan on doing is mean, but it's no more shallow than what she did to me. What goes around comes around? Aren't I demonstrating that by leaving her out?

If she was tall and thin, she wouldn't have said what she did or left me out because of the way I look!!!

Answer 1

i think u should invite her, even though she didn't invite u. the reason she didn't invite u is that she was jealous. if u dont invite there will be no difference between u and her. if u invite her she might realise that not invitig u was not such a good thing to do afterall.plus it wil look weird if u invite ur brother but not his wife. so open ur heart and invite her with a cheerful smile.

Answer 2

I agree that she was wrong and petty to say what she said to you, but (here comes the cliche) two wrongs don't make a right. Besides, if you think about it, I'll bet that that was the only time you've ever been discriminated against for the way you look, whereas she probably has to deal with it every day. No wonder she's insecure. However, that does not excuse her rudeness. You don't HAVE to ask her, and if she wants to know why, I suggest that you be a better person than she is and simply and politely explain that you have close friends that you would like to honor, your wedding party is already set, or whatever excuse you can think of that won't hurt her feelings. It is after all, your and your fiancee's special day, and you deserve to be happy, but at the end of the day, she will still be in your family and you will have to deal with her, so why stir the pot?

Answer 3

It doesnt sound to me like her being "too fat" is the real reason you dont want her in the wedding. OK, I get it she hurt your feelings at her wedding, but come on now... you are getting married, you know grown up stuff. If you just dont like her and dont want her in the wedding party, thats fine. BUT she is your fiance's sister and marriage takes some give and take (not just between you two, but between families as well) Dont think there aren't going to be times when issues arise between family members... you are joining this entire family by marrying a member.

Maybe give her a different job like handing out programs or favors at the church. Make her feel a part of your wedding. Don't go out of your way to be mean to here. You said it yourself what goes around comes around---that doesnt necessarily mean it comes back from the same person.

Whatever you decide, Good Luck and I hope your wedding is wonderful!!!

Answer 4

It's your wedding, you can choose whoever you want in your bridal party. That's the bottom line.

However, I think you're missing the point - weddings are about family. Whether or not you would have chosen her to be in your family is beside the point. She's family now.

If she's insecure about her weight, why would you make it worse? Will it really make you feel better to be mean to her? At the end of the day you have to live with hurting her feelings and the damage to her self-esteem and the risk of a rift with your brother and his wife. Hey, if you're okay with that, then by all means "get even." Personally, I think it's petty and disrespectful.

And I doubt highly you have to pay for "3 or 4 extra meals."

Answer 5

A wedding is supposed to be a bride's special day and your sister-in-law was concerned that she wouldn't be the shining star if you were in her bridal party (this is shallow but understandable). She wasn't trying to be mean she was truly concerned for herself and probably didn't think about how her words might hurt you (not too many people mind being called thin). Don't eliminate your sister-in-law from your bridal party just to be mean. If you have closer friends that you want to be in it and don't have enough groomsmen you could tell her that it wouldn't work, on the other hand if it would work, bite your tongue and include her - you will still shine on your day and don't have the same worries and she does. Plus your brother will probably love you even more for your kindness. Have you tried to be a friend to your sister-in-law? Maybe start if you haven't and you might find out she has feelings too and maybe you could help her with her weight issues and be supportive of her instead of looking to knock the wind out of her. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

Well, you know what, apparently you aren't any more mature than your sister-in-law if you plan on actually saying that. I mean, two wrongs don't make a right and obviously you don't want to come out being the bigger person. If we were still in 3rd grade than your actions MIGHT be considered acceptable, but when you're an ADULT, these actions are just considered snobbish and inconsiderate. Just because she is big does not mean that you have to buy 3 or 4 extra meals just to feed her. I don't know what she looks like but from your question and explanation, you seem to be just as ugly as her. And as you said, what goes around comes around. Just remember that for in the future because you're actions definitely state that you're going to get crapped on more and more because you CAN'T or WON'T be the bigger person. So if you go through with this, just be prepared for the consequences.

Answer 7

Hey...my cousin married Shamu's sister!!!! Ok, I know EXCATLY where you are coming from! In her wedding (she doesnt have many friends...) she made me a bridesmaid amongst her 3 other rotund friends. I backed out for fear of being eaten if they got hungry up at the alter. Ok...so that sounded mean, but honestly.... You dont have to include her. But I also wouldn't say "NO! You cant because you're FAT!". Just pick your closest friends and tell yoru brother that you dont have as close of a relationship with her as you do other people. These are your bridesmaids, the girls you feel closest to. You obvisouly don't feel close to her (well atleast not emotinally....doesnt matter where she stands in a room, EVERYONE is close to her physically...lol) so she does not deserve to be a bridesmaid. Go with the girl you already picked, just cause your brother married her doesnt give her dibs on your wedding party.

Answer 8

Wow! I think I"ve heard it all now! You ultimately get to decide who you want to be in your wedding party, but it sounds to me that if she were tall and thin that you'd have no problem including her. Show some character and be the bigger person here! She's a part of oyour family now.....and you're instigating problems that will linger for years of tension between not only the two of you, but you're brother...and possible parents and kids in the future. If you don't want her to be in the wedding, then just don't mention it. It would show great character if you could at least ask her to be the guest book attendant or a hostess or head off the decorations....look beyond her size and find something great about her.

Answer 9

If you were short and fat would you want some tall, hot, thin chick standing next to you on your special day? Hell no. That's why you see such ugly bridesmaids dresses, to make the bride look better. When she told you it was because you are tall and thin, it had to make you feel good. If you tell her she is short and fat she is just going to feel like the chubby kid in gradeschool. I don't think that you need to include her in your wedding party, but I also don't think you need to remind her that she is fat. Is there some other reason that you aren't telling us that you dislike her so much?

Answer 10

Well you're not obligated to have her in your wedding and if anything she had no reason to tell you that because you're too tall and thin...when a short overweight bride doesnt look good and if she was thinking about her health she would lose a few pounds especially for her wedding. She was being rude to you by excluding you for how you look. Be straight up honest if she asks why she's not in your wedding.

It's not about your brother because this is your day he's already had his and you decide who is and isnt in your wedding.

Answer 11

WOW....and I even read your comment about you're giving her just what she gave you. So I guess you can't be a bigger person (figuratively speaking) and rise above the petty differences between you and your brother's wife. I'm actually surprized your brother has remained on speaking terms with you, considering the way you feel about his wife.

If you don't want her in the wedding, don't have her in the wedding. You don't need to give a reason, just tell her that you've chosen your friends and family members you feel closest to, and leave it at that, you don't need to comment on her weight, that's cruel and tacky. This is your opportunity to be a good person, to be kind, to be charitable towards your brother's wife. Do so, and I promise you will have a better relationship with THEM in the future. Your wedding has absolutely NOTHING to do with her wedding. Don't use your wedding to settle scores, that's childish and immature. Don't lower yourself to that level.

good luck