My ex-husband has sole physical and legal custody of our 14 year old daughter. He moved due to job reasons and his mother is helping to take care of her.
I live in a different state than them. I went to stay with her for about 3 weeks. She wanted me to stay until the semester was over.
Now, I feel that I don't deserve anything good and care more for myself than her. I should have stayed and taken care of her.
However, my ex and his mother were influencing my decisions a lot and I could not really be her mother. I was also staying in his house. They will not let me live in peace separately.
I am now hearing from my ex-husband that I "ruined my child" and that she will never see me for the rest of my life. I feel that I did not do my duty as a mother and she will hate me for the rest of her life. I don't deserve anything good and instead punishment.
2007-04-03 03:25:00 · 7 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Health ➔ Mental Health
You didn't ruin your child, I'm sure. Children are resilient, although some things do stick with them. The reason you don't feel like you deserve anything good is you have begun to believe the lies and the bad things your ex says about you. You also feel guilty for leaving your daughter. I would see a counselor or psychiatrist about your low self-esteem issues stemming from this situation. You can't fix anyone else until you fix yourself, and you won't be any good to your daughter until you get some help. If I were you I would not say anything bad against your ex to your daughter, because that places her in the middle of your battle with him, and that's not something a child needs to experience. Instead be the best mom you possibly can from where you are and she'll realize you did the best you could. Just fix yourself and try to mend the relationship with you and your daughter. Try to visit her often, but don't put yourself in the bad situation of being in his house. Don't accept calls from his mother, and if you have to talk to him, keep it to specifics about your child, and let that be it. If he starts to get verbally abusive, tell him that you're sorry he feels that way, but you won't be spoken to like that. Also once you feel your life is more in order, try and get joint custody. Maybe move to a nearby city so that it could be more feasible, if that's what you feel you need to do. Remember, the only relationship you and your ex now have is about this child, and you have every right to tell him that's all y'all need to discuss. You have no relationship or obligations to his mother, so I would not bother with her, since she apparently cannot be civil. Don't let their words and actions stop you from being the best mother you can be.
Hope this helps.
2007-04-03 04:18:07 · answer #1 · answered by Amanda LW 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a depression issue, but quite understandable. Stop thinking you are useless and that your daughter doesn't love you. She wanted you to stay didn't she. Go and see your doctor as your depression is treatable.
It might be a good idea to seek a lawyer too to see if you can at least have visiting rights.
2007-04-03 10:33:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say whether or not you want your daughter back. If you do seek advice from a lawyer you are her mother you gave birth to her and have every right to raise her if you so wish. if you know that you cannot do that at least get visiting rights don't let other people control you. Good luck.
2007-04-03 11:07:52 · answer #3 · answered by holly 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, self blame doesn't help. You did what you could do and when your daughter grows up, she will understand your difficulties and will love you. If you are feeling like this, see a good doctor since you may be suffering from depression. Best wishes.
2007-04-03 10:29:07 · answer #4 · answered by Swamy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my dad is a lot like that he manipulates my brother and sister whne she is out of his control like over 18 or a mother shell understand if she doesnt already
2007-04-03 10:28:06 · answer #5 · answered by Avaria 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family is quite a disfunctional concept; the idea has ceased working on a mass scale.
For us in this time, forgiving is crucial. So see it, but without judgment....
There is nothing to fix or change, just let go of.
How does this apply to your situation?
It is a result of much conditioning.
If all you say is true, is it your fault? in light of the preceeding statement....
There is no one to blame.
2007-04-03 10:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
get a lawyer and pray to god
2007-04-03 10:28:27 · answer #7 · answered by mkandfa4rever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋