Do I have the right to be upset and what should I do?

Question

I am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend so I am unable to go to her Sorority formal. She has decided to take her X-boyfriend whom she dated during a brief stint when we wernt together. I won her back.
She has jsut informed me that this guy has a girlfriend now, but she will be taking him to her formal. I said absoultuly not, saying that I know what this guy is thinking. She got mad.
In my eyes this scenario can not play out without me getting screwed.
Am I over reacting or do I have the right to be upset, and if she decides to continue with taking him, even though I said it made me uncomforatable, what should I do then?

Additional Details:
We have been on and off for 5 years now, and 2 have been long distance.
She has a small history of being a bit untrustworthy, but i also get jealous easy.

Answer 1

I think it was put best already: "Ex-partner's are always a sticky situation." Yes, sticky in oh so many ways.

Everyone who said "if they hook up then you would have a reason to dump her" HOW IN THE HELL IS HE GOING TO KNOW THEY HOOKED UP!

Duh, if it happens she will just pull the wool over his eyes and act like nothing happened. There is no ambassador at the party looking out for his interests (i.e. nobody else ***** his gf).

I think anyway you look at it, YOU are the one getting screwed over, even if nothing happens between them.

You should voice your dissatisfaction with her decision on taking the ex, but in reality there is nothing else you can do about it. Also make her feel like you are trusting her to do the right thing, mind manipulation is a wonderful thing. It will make both of you feel at ease if she thinks you are trusting her with another guy.

I would also try to get in touch with "Austin", and give him a piece of your mind (let him know how your feeling about the whole situation, but don't come off as a jackass or a *****).

Hope everything works out bro!

Answer 2

There are no clear line to indicate what's right and what's wrong in this instance. I am sure many will jump the gun in saying you are too much a jealousy pot. But let's go through a few realistic issues pertaining to your question.

1. Your rights.
Be aware that even though you are her bf, you do not possess any rights to restrict her movements and who she meets. Even if she chooses to sleep with another man, there is nothing much you can do to stop her. What you can only do is, decide if you still wanna be with her.

2. Boundaries and limitations
Clearly, there have been no boundaries drawn between the two of you. It is helpful for couples to draw up a boundary list, what both would like and not like each other to do. Sit through the list and compromise in the middle, especially when it comes to meeting ex(s) which can be rather sensitive.

3. Communication.
You mentioned you knew what this guy is thinking, could it have been an assumption? Is going to the formal with your girl automatically reinstate that he is gonna steal your girl from you? And even if you're spot on his intentions, have you communicate clearly your views to her such that she knows where you are coming from? Perhaps, you should try explaining to her in details, which aspect of him upsets you.

4. Trust.
How much do you trust her at this point? Past experiences do play a part in the degree of trust we place on our partners. So your suspicions or jealousy is completely understandable. Are you able to let her have her way and see if the trust given has been worth it?

5. Sensitivity.
It's a fact that for a couple to survive, they constantly have to spare a thought for how their partner feels when they do certain things. In this case, when she decides to bring her ex-bf along - has she actually considered how you would feel?

If she persists in bringing him along, there is nothing much you can do about it. In the event that some hanky panky arises (which I completely have no idea how you would even get to know about it in the first place...), you know what your choices are.

Answer 3

As I have said time and time again, long distance relationships are very hard. If she wants to take this guy, there is really nothing that you can do to change things. If she really loves you, she will be faithful to you. If she is not, then it is probably best that you found out before you decided to marry her. Give her the opportunity to "hang herself". Wait to see what happens. At least you will know whether or not you will be able to trust her for the rest of your lives.

Jealousy is the major destroyer of relationships. If you can not trust someone, then there is no true love. Love can not survive without trust. You will only ruin good relationships by being jealous, and putting out demanding rules. Most people that are jealous have a history of cheating themselves. If this is the case, do the right thing. Don't make her wait for you. It is unfair for either of you to cheat.

Answer 4

Long distance relationships will ALWAYS BE DIFFICULT! Simply because you can't control the actions of another human being when you're in one location...and she's in another!

I'm surprised that the 5-years the two of you have been "on again and off again" haven't opened your eyes to this?

The whole thing comes down to a choice of 'trusting your g/f and letting her attend the formal'---or bailing out now without looking back!

Which option do you prefer?

Answer 5

I would certainly be upset if I were in your situation. Ex-partners are always a sticky situation. There is history there, and where there is history there is intimacy. I'm not sure what you can do, seeing as you are long distance, you saying how you feel about this may just push her into his arms. But I would also be questioning his motives as well, if you "won her back" like you say then there is a chance that he has unresolved feelings for her and will use this opportunity to get her back with him. I would find it extremely weird and threatening if my partner was going to a dance with his ex, and if he has a girlfriend, I would say that she has issues as well.

Answer 6

You are being unreasonable who should she take considering that you are not there.
I was in a long distance relationship as well and my bf could never come to any formals of mine and he didnt mind if i had taken another guy with me he knew that i cant go alone and he did trusted me and i kept my phone with me all the time and my date knew that i had a bf

Answer 7

It's time to move on. I've been in this situation before & experience tells me she doesn't know what she wants & that's the only reason she would consider going back to an ex. Someone who knows what they want & are committed to the relationship don't do things like this. It's very common these days for two friends (both girls) to go to something like this & hang out & dance & still have loads of laughs. Move on & find someone who's committed to YOU, not the spur of the moment. Good luck buddy!

Answer 8

Evidently, the two of you care for one another, or you guys would not be together. It says alot about your on and off relationship..Something is keeping the two of you together. I would say... calm down about the situation, and tell her how much you care about her, and that you trust her..It must mean alot to her to go to her formal and since you cannot make it she chose someone she knew instead of some complete stranger.. Let her be herself..If she decides to cheat on you then shame on her.. don't worry about something cannot control.. Trust her it would mean alot to her if she really cares for .

Answer 9

That is kind of shady.

If you fight this all you will do is drive her away. It seems you have already registered your displeasure at her decision to take her Ex. So you should leave it at that.

If nothing happens next time you might not get so worked up. If they do hook up, you should be happy, at least you now know she isn't worth your time. Finding out a person isn't trustworthy and is a cheater is always best to learn as early as possible.

Either outcome is something of a win for you. So all you can do is go with it.

Answer 10

You have every right to be upset. If I was the girl, I definately wouldn't do anything you wouldn't want me to do, especially if it involved an ex!! If she respects you like she should, she won't do it. It's perfectly fine to get jealous too. It's just a sign that you care for her. Don't let her hurt you. You know exactly what to do!! Good luck.