Have been married 6 yrs getting a divorce but have had a long standing on an off affair with an ex.bf that i am 100% sure he is father of my 3 yr old son because i was seperated from my hubby when son was concieved but hubby and i moved to try make it work and i never told ex.bf .My relationship with hubby is not good he cheated on me getting ex.wife pregnant, i cheated on him in retaliation we stayed together for money.During a paternity test on my daughter 5 yrs old revealed she is the product of the same affair.My hubby wants nothing to do with either child anymore how to explain it to her?
2007-04-02 17:14:12 · 10 answers · asked by Bella C 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I dont want to put her through this but my hubby has made it clear he wants to be with his ex.ife and their kids.
2007-04-02 17:19:15 · update #1
Well, let's see who's hurt so far. Your husband, his ex, (not to mention her baby), your BF. Hasn't there been enough pain without starting something else. Just love your kids and let them have a normal childhood.
2007-04-02 17:21:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree that at 5 and 3 they are not going to understand it properly. She is going to assume that when a daddy leaves then he is no longer your biological father.
You will need to have some kind of talk to explain why "Daddy" is leaving and never comes to see her but I would keep it to that. He will eventually stop being "daddy" in her eyes anyway when he stays away for too long. My 10 year old barely remembers we lived in a different state when he was 5.
You will be able to tell when she's old enough for the biological dad talk. Also remember that when you get into the biological talk your going to also be crossing into the gray area of the birds and the bees. Because I'm sure that right now she thinks that babies only come to two happily married husbands and wives and then your going to have to explain to her what cheating and having an affair is and that all men are dogs. Keep her sheltered till she asks. Thats worked for my son.
2007-04-02 17:37:39 · answer #2 · answered by gnomes31 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please, to start off with, get yourself into some counseling. Once you get going, see aobut including your children in it, at least at times, or even their own counselor. With the help of your counselor, before, during, and after, you can tell your child(ren) the truth. It helps to get all the facts first. How does the bio father feel about your children? Before telling him? Would he truly be the best thing for your children? Is your ex bf wanting to get back together? Willing and able to pay child support? Be responsible? As for how hubby wants nothing to do with the child(ren) anymore, that is a tough one. That also, importantly, is something to get into ocunseling for. Your children are pretty young to hear all about all of this. But, this is where you need the help of the counselor. Honest. By the way, are you wanting to get back with your ex bf? Is he responsible, or is he abusive? If abusive, in any way, best not connect with him but to get child support. You don't need to let him know where you live, he can mail the payments into the courthouse to be forwarded ion to you if needed. I wish you the best. Remember, these children are to be your first priority for 18 yrs. minimum. Take care.
2007-04-02 17:52:33 · answer #3 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why subject such pain and confusion onto your own daughter? She's too young understand it the way you are thinking she may. It will only cause you more drama, her more pain, and confuse her. Leave it alone. If the question comes up in the next several years, of course, gently tell her the truth.
Whatever nonsense you and your men are going through, leave her far far away from it. Your children should be the
number 1 priority in your life. Keep things as "normal" and stress free as possible for both of them... Don't start any extra.
2007-04-02 17:36:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a very difficult question to answer. In my opinion, you need to get some counselling for your children to deal with the upcoming abandonment they will be feeling after the divorce. To them, it does not matter what you tell them. They feel he is their father and that is not going to change. You cannot handle this by yourself, you may hurt them beyond repair. If possible, get in touch with your ex if he is a good man. If he is up to it, slowly integrate him into their lives and invite him to counseling with your family. Either way, he deserves to know he has two beautiful children, and needs to have the option to do so.
Whatever happens, please get some counseling for your kids. You may think they are too young for this, but they aren't. I feel for your situation and wish you the best of luck!
I hope I helped.
2007-04-02 17:35:17 · answer #5 · answered by Star 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the only criminal factor you're arranged to do precise now must be bypass throughout the courts. If it grew to grow to be into ordered that as on the instant by using fact the mum has visitation rights that the stepfather now no longer be contemporary, and he has been, it incredibly is a violation of what the courtroom docket ordered. touch social centers and enable them to delight in the situation and that the mum has long previous against courtroom docket orders. do now no longer permit your babies bypass to that homestead by using fact the mum has now no longer suggested the daddy's orders. in any different case, if something have been to take place decrease lower back, you would be full of guilt and it could have been prevented. look out for the perfect interest of your babies!
2016-11-25 22:16:49 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that "mommy phucked around and that the man mommy pretended to be her father really isn't. But that's okay because mommy is going to go after the man she phucked around with to exthort money from him so don't worry you're pretty little head." Again I ask ...are you going to pay your soon to be ex husband back for the support that HE paid before you decided to "find out" the truth? I think he should ask his lawyer if he can sue you for repayment since you decieved him...
2007-04-02 19:18:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not to be rude, but I have no nice advice for you either. You sound like my husbands ex who lied about the paternity of one of my husbands children for 13 years!
2007-04-02 17:33:02 · answer #8 · answered by Lori C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can't understand that right now unless she is an absolute emotional child genius. Protect her, but be ready to share the truth with her when the time comes. You are itching to tell her because of the emotional rollercoaster you are on. But she CANNOT nor SHOULD not have her hearing that right now.
2007-04-02 17:18:40 · answer #9 · answered by Sleek 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
just tell her.
2007-04-02 18:04:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋