What should my husband and I do?

Question

My husband has a two year old daughter with another women, we've been married a 6 months now and just had our first child together. However his ex will not allow him to see his daughter. She will make plans with him to go and see her, however cancels them at the last min. Tonight he poped by her place and was told he was not allowed to see his daughter. Due to false alugations. Thing that were never brought to court or inven inestagated. He wants to go to court but is scared. He will have to explian why he has not been involed for the last two years. He cant say its cause would not let me, cause it would be his word agianst hers.

its not that he has not tried to be there for his daughter.She has stoped him at his every attempt. The only time he can see her is on speachil occations! When his ex calls he gets his daughter w/e she needs. But is still deniyed access!

Answer 1

his word is as strong as hers...

what you need to do is get to writing...get a pen and paper...go back as far as you can...i mean it's only two years so it's not that far...and write down in as much detail as you can...how many times, if you have good memory and you can do time and date, and where meetings pick ups or drop offs where supposed to take place...write it all down...even if it happened last year...


go back and write down how many times he has called, has he received calls, has he left messages, has she left messages write it all down...

if you can get an answering system start taping all the calls he makes... if she leaves messages save them....

regarding court...the one thing they will really question him about is if he has not been financially taking care of his child...if he has been making the big mistake of giving her cash..stop doing it...give her cashiers check..or personal checks...if she says the baby needs diapers...don't give her the money, take the diapers, and keep the receipt...

make a detail list of what ever you have purchased for the baby...

if you can't detail all your spending, calls, attempted meetings, etc...make a rough estimate of how many times per day, week, month etc.

what the court needs above all is consistency. if he has people in his family or friends, or people in the community like church his job whatever, that have either witnessed his making efforts in getting to see his kid, or anyone that can attest to his being a good person, responsible etc, get these people to write a letter to the court in order to give a statement as a character witness, if they can get them notarized do it...you don't have to wait until court date to do this...if you can start collecting peoples statements, do so...two statements from one person are better than none...


make sure that you don't have much interaction with her..she could use that as reasons why...make sure that when he has to go see the baby, pick up drop off something, whatever, that he takes someone with him, preferable not you...they can always say that you will lie because you are his wife, but another person would not have such personal interest and will be hard for them to make that case...

go to court tomorrow if you can...take the day off from work, and go...file a formal petition for custody, for child support arrangement (if he is not mandated through the courts then get it done now), and for visitation rights.

make sure that you both understand, that even if you have been giving her money religiously, but if you have not had child support set up, have not been keeping records such as checks or money orders, if you have no documentation to prove that you have been supporting your kid, you may just have to end up paying back support. as much as it may hurt your pocket, i would do it without the court forcing you to do it...if they see that you are doing this of your own will, it will show the type of parents you are.

finally, try your best to not fall into the trick of arguing at all with her...and again...don't be in a situation in which you are alone with her...either of you...always have a third party...if you can afford it, get a lawyer....

good luck, and tell him to never stop fighting for his child...in the future, she will only ask the question of why he didn't keep fighting for her...

congratulations on your little one as well

Answer 2

one thing he could do is bluff the ex saying he will move out the country and not pay child support if she prevents him from visitation. The court can and does award supervised visitation in cases like this. So, what happens is the father goes to the court and the ex takes the child to the court and visitation begins when the father leaves the court or designated court location. So, with this method there is a witness if she does not comply and she will be in violation of a court order. I had this done for me so I know for a fact it can be done. I had the court award reasonable visitation and then the ex would tell me afterward, well, I am the custodial parent and I don't think this is reasonable so I will not allow it. But she was wrong.

In the end, there is never enough money to fight for a relationship if the custodial parent is going to be that way. That person has all the time at home to teach the child to hate the other parent and tell lies why that parent is no good.

Answer 3

The judge will only deal with the here and now. If she says he did not come to visit it is his word against the his ex. He needs to go to court and get rights to see his child so that he can be involved in her life. There is nothing the mother can do about it. If he is not on the birth certificate he will have to request a DNA test.

Until court proceedings are done, the mother can keep him away because there is no court order stating that he or she has custody of the child. Tell him to get on into court and fight for his right to be with the little one.

I went through this with my best friend and her two kids. The father had been in and out of Jail and wanted to see the kids and she would not let him see them because she feared for their safty. She explained to the judge why which was lagit, but he had paid his does and the judge gave him visitation twice a month though it has to be supervised. Now if you husband wants any rights at all he is going to have to face the music. Most judges feel that unless the the father is abusive to the ex and children in anyway he has the right to see the children, whether it be full custody or just a couple hour supervised visit.

My friend was not happy with the set up, but it has helped a great deal for the children to be able to see their father. It especially helped her son. Again just tell him to get in there and fight.

Answer 4

Has his ex been keeping him from his daughter for the whole 2 years? He should have gone to court before now. However, he should go to court whether hes scared or not. Theres a very good chance that he'll at least get visitation rights to his child. He should give it a shot. If there's a court order saying that his ex must let him visit his child there's no way she can keep the child from him. Tell him to go to court and just tell the truth. It might be his word against hers but it's still worth a try.

Answer 5

Why hasn't he been involved for the past two years? Every man who thinks he can walk in & out of his children's lives and still consider himself a 'parent' to that child, makes it harder for society & courts to believe that men are capable of *real* parenting. Aaarrgh!

He's got to start behaving like a parent right now - this includes respecting the child's mother and earning her trust with this child who he has all but neglected so far. It would only be good for the child if she had an active, involved father in her life. But, he's got to understand that it's not a game.

Take it to court, be honest, be straight, prove to the judge that he's ready to take this on *together* with the child's mother, for the next 16 years, no more messing around.

Answer 6

You might start by having a talk with her. If your husband was not involved for two years, there can be a lot of feelings of betrayal and hurt there, even if his ex was the reason he wasn't involved.

Explain to her that you want to provide for the daughter, and that you are here to help. If she does give you an opportunity, be diligent about meeting your obligations. Offer to help financially if you can. Don't make her feel like the villain.

If the false accusations are criminal in nature, be proactive by going to the authorities (which is a great way to establish interest).

Answer 7

He hasn't seen his daughter and then he just "pops" in and can't understand why she won't let him see her? I think that's putting alot on a small child.

Why is he afraid to go to court?

This doesn't make sense.

First of all, if he hasn't been involved until now, it's called "Abandonment", so he may have lost his right to see her, but he will have to pay back child support and continue until she's 18. That's the good news for the child, that he cares so much about.

Actions speak louder than words.

She never got child support... sounds like he's a deadbeat dad...

He should be scared. Sounds like SHE found him and wants child support and that's why he's scared. Sounds like he's been doing things he shouldn't have.

What he did to her, he will do to you. I guarantee it. I hope you have a good job. If you had an affair with him while he was married, and that's why they broke up, be prepared for the same. The way I figure it, your time table is almost up.

Answer 8

Obviously she is using the child to punish him.

How terrible sad and also frightenting. Here is a father that should be allowed to see his child and she's jerking his chain.

He should start a log of times, dates, and discussion topics and then when cancellations happen, just keep a running tally.

Specific facts help alot in court. Good luck and God Bless you and all of God children

Answer 9

He doesn't have to worry. If she is vindictive as you say It will show to the judge and mediators. They deal with this stuff all the time. Regardless, plenty of men go without seeing their children for extender periods of time and the courts will most often than not give them a chance to redeem themselves. He may only get a very limited time in the beginning. Show up every time! Then go back and ask for more. If he proves he is willing and responsible (document if she does not allow him contact) then he will get more time.

Answer 10

Well, if the ex is being that much of an idiot, you really can't do anything but take it to court.

It won't necessarily be her word against his. The judge has to listen to both sides equally. And no matter what, he IS her father and is entitled to joint custody.

Please take it to court. Don't be afraid. If he does want his daughter back in his life, he's got to go to court.