i have a couple: how do u drown a blonde?
put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
2 blondes r sitting in the park on a bench. blonde #1 is reading a magazine and blonde #2 is staring at the moon in the sky(its daytime). blonde #2 says, "which is further, Florida, or the moon?" blonde #1 looks up from her magazine and says, "HellO!!!!!!!!!!!! can u SEE Florida?" rate my current ones and give me more plzz!! thnx!! :)
2007-04-02 14:37:02 · 15 answers · asked by miss_bi_chica 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
the second one is super funny
here are a few of mine:
A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Crap!"
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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice cream parlor together. The brunette went up and asked for a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The counter man was confused, but gave her a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream.
The redhead went up and asked for a single dip of vanilla ice cream with Pepsi poured over it. The man was really confused now. But he gave the redhead her order.
The blonde was listening to the other two women and thought that she should have a ''special order'' too. So she went up and asked for an extra-large root beer, but hold the roots.
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
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A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?''
''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.''
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car.
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One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway.
He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa."
She says no again, and tries to fall asleep.
The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?"
At that number, the blonde agrees.
The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500.
"Got it," she replies.
He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5.
Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?"
The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00.
Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?"
She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish.
The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!''
"Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went.
Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!''
And off she went.
The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''
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Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded,
"HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"
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Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
"How do I get to the other side?"
"Duh! You ARE on the other side!"
ok maybe more than a few
2007-04-02 15:54:50 · answer #1 · answered by shydreamer2012 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
2007-04-02 22:18:13 · answer #2 · answered by Al 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
2007-04-02 21:43:35 · answer #3 · answered by ortizpapi96 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A blonde is sitting at a bar watching the evening news. There is a story on about a guy attempting to jump off of a bridge. The guy next to the blond says, "Hey I'll bet you 20 bucks that he jumps." The blond agrees. Minutes later the man jumps and the blond gets out her wallet to pay up. The man says, "No I can't take your money I saw it earlier on the 5 o clock news." The blond replies, "No, Fair is fair. I saw it too, I just didn't think he would do it again."
2007-04-02 21:41:12 · answer #4 · answered by alwaysmoose 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
She got cold and turned off the fan.
What does a blonde have in common with a beer bottle?
They are both empty from the neck up.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
You shine a flashlight in her ears.
Why does a blonde have TGIF on her shoes?
Toes goes in front.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
2007-04-02 22:03:17 · answer #5 · answered by kayjay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day a blonde hits a truck from behind. The guy steps out and draws a circle on the road, tells her to stand in the circle and not to step out. So the guys starts messin' with her car. He breaks her windsheld, she laughs. He turns around an says, "what's so funny?" She says, "nothing." He turns back around mad that she's laughing, so he starts keying her car. She laughs harder. So he turns back around an says, "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" She says, "nothing, nothing." The guy is getting madder so he slits her tires. She's laughing so hard she can't breathe. The guys says, "what is so funny? The blonde says, "While you where turned around I stepped out of the circle 3 times"....
There was a blonde and a brunette walking through the woods. The brunette looks down and said, "oh my gosh there's a dead bird!" The blonde looks up and says, "where?"
Q: how does a blonde try to kill a bird?
A: she throws it off a cliff!
Q. what happened the blonde who listened to the match?
A. She burned her ear.
lol i love blonde jokes (and i am one naturally!)
2007-04-02 21:41:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There were 3 blonde girls. The police were looking for them so they hid by a near by farm. blonde girl #1 hid in the hay stack. the police went to the hay stack and she said "moo"
blonde girl #2 hid in the pig pen. the police went over there and the blonde girl said "oink oink".
Then the blonde girl #3 hid in the potato sack. the police went over there and she said "pooooottttaaaatttooooooo"
2007-04-02 23:30:51 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a blonde joke. A blonde finds out she pregnant and she asks the doctor"Are you sure it is mine?"
2007-04-02 22:03:05 · answer #8 · answered by BobbiL 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 blonde guys go out fishing one day. The game warden comes along & sees them with the fishing rods. As it is out of season, he strolls over to talk to them. "You can't fish out of season. Let me see your permits." One lad pipes up "Permits we don't have permits, & we're not fishing. We have big magnets on our lines." Warden asked to see. The second lad says "See just a big magnet". With a rather bemused grin the warden laughs & leaves the three lads to their metal hunting. The third lad cracks up says "Ha, Ha what a moron, doesn't he know about the giant steal-heads in here"
2007-04-02 21:47:03 · answer #9 · answered by freshex2001 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
how do you drown a blond?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
2007-04-02 21:40:48 · answer #10 · answered by Child Of Decadence 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋