Any thoughts on ending a friendship?

Question

I've got a professional colleague with whom I work quite closely. She's prone to driving me a little nuts but I tolerated it out of a sense of loyalty and a sincere belief in her potential as a person and as a friend. I went through a difficult illness in the second half of last year and it became clear that she was not someone I could depend on. She's not a bad person. Rather, just in a pretty self-centered place in her life right now. I now have other obligations and don't have the energy for it. Also, it's clear that her and her friendship aren't really worth investing in. I just assume allow this friendship fade but she continues to assume friendship privileges, e.g. she assumes that I share private matters w/her and gives unsolicited advice. I tend to be a friendly and patient person and am happy to oblige by helping her out from time to time (as I would anyone). She "expects" people to help her so I don't think I'm encouraging her. Any thoughts?

We are doctoral students in the same program. While I agree that in most work situations the personal and private shouldn't mix, we are encouraged (and expected) to form deep bonds with fellow students. In my field, the PhD takes 10 years to finish. After that, we will continue to depend on one another throughout our professional lives. It's difficult to understand unless you've been in a small long-term academic degree program but the bottom line is that these are the same people that will be hiring and firing me someday (and me vice versa).

Umm ... We never had a romantic relationship. (I am a straight married woman.) And there's not discomfort, per se ...

Answer 1

Why would a self centered person continue to pursue you if you never gave her the validation she wanted? Simply stop giving her attention and she'll fade away. Best of all, she'll think it was her idea.

Good luck.

Answer 2

You believe that you may be in contact with her for quite some time, and I suggest that you distance your emotional ties with her. Keep things "light and professional" as you would in a work situation.

Should she continue to pry into your personal life, I would deflect these comments/opinions just stating that you have things under control and not give out any personal details as this would only encourage her.

She will eventually get the message.

Less concern about her feelings and expectations of others, and more focus on yourself/family/education is my recommendation.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, I might be off the mark here, but did you try telling her that you were disappointed that she wasn't there for you? I have a friend of almost 15 years and she gets so self-centered at times. I have to remind her that I'm in the friendship too. Since you have to work closely together for awhile longer, let her know how you feel. She may not even realize you were hurt. Hope that helps.

Answer 4

For me " When It's over, It's over ".
She can be a Friend, or an Associate.

I don't believe In romance In the work place.
It would have been so much easier If the two
of you didn't work In the same place of employment.
No whispering talks behind your back.
No wondering If she's go off In front of your
Co- workers.
Live and learn.

Answer 5

Why are you letting her control you? Be courteous and brief and keep at a professional level.Your personal "problems" should be shared with your friends outside of work. Good policy is to never let private and professional life intermingle. Good luck!

Answer 6

Loan her some money, twenty bucks will do, she will never speak to you again. Works like a charm!!

Read your additional comments...That is just really sad, like you are bound to her for life? BS!! And when you reach your potential, you two are going to be fixing other people's emotional problems, right? That is just a total joke.

Answer 7

act as if what gets in one ear goes out the other ear. in plain and simple words just ignore her.

Answer 8

I would distance myself from this person--especially if you cannot depend on her.