We are set to get married in 12 days. I found (by snooping) emails from him to other women talking about meeting them and getting busy with them. I dont know if he actually did it, but there were plans for him to meet these women and "hang out" and do other stuff with them. I am so sick to my stomach. I don't know if I should confront him or just let it go. I shouldn't have been in his emails anyway. Help me please...
2007-04-02 13:19:47 · 23 answers · asked by Danielle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Obviously you didn't trust him and snooped. By snooping your "fears" were found out.
I'd sit down with him and tell him why you felt you had to snoop and then by doing so what you found out.
If you were engaged - you are owed an explanation.
Even if you were looking for someones e-mail you figured he may be up to something and he might have been.
You need honesty. He needs to know you snooped why you were snooping and what you found out. If you go in to this having doubts about his little extra flirting (etc) you will always have doubts. If in the next few days you can work this out, forgive and be honest.. welcome to marriage.
2007-04-02 13:28:53 · answer #1 · answered by kelly e 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There are obviously HUGE issues here, ranging from cheating to trust issues. Walk away.
He is making/has saved plans to cheat only 12 days away from your WEDDING DAY.
If you go through with this marriage, you must be prepared that he may cheat and/or leave you for someone else, or worse, make love to other women and expect to come home and find dinner on the table made by you.
It doesn't sound like either of you are ready for this marriage, and you should not be marrying this man.
If you do, be prepared to get divorced, and hurt in the process.
Of course, you could always confront him and see his side. Perhaps he has changed, and/or will agree to marital counselling. Are you sure these emails are recent and not from before you two got together? Either way, you were snooping, so why would you stay with a guy you can't trust? Walk away...now.
P.S. If he is asking these women to "hang out and 'do stuff'", he is not mature enough to be a husband.
2007-04-02 13:29:03 · answer #2 · answered by reginachick22 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take a deep breath and take the flack for snooping. At the end of the day he might be angry with you for snooping, but given what you found out, he has no grounds to be angry. What he's done, whether he slept with them or not, is much worse than snooping! The man has deceived you and had no intention of coming clean before your wedding day. Alarm bells are ringing - he's probably not likely to change his ways after you're married. Think long and hard about this before you decide what to do. Do you want to start your married life with this hanging over your head. Can you honestly say you'll be happy to carry on knowing what you do? If you have any doubts at all you should listen to them.
Good luck - I hope you get this sorted!
2007-04-03 03:56:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The good news is that he wouldn't have agreed to marry you if he was still seeing this other woman. And I am pretty sure he more than likely feels badly about it. But if you feel you must, confront him with it. He doesn't need to know you snooped through his emails (shame on you by the way). All he needs to know is that YOU KNOW. Then if you still want to , you can make a fresh start on your wedding day and build a better and stronger relationship. But try not to ruin your future with your husband over a mistake he made while you were dating. In the grand scheme of things, I don't think it's worth it. But you need to tell him NOW. Don't wait until after you're married to do it.
2007-04-02 13:42:47 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first question is, were you guys already engaged before this happened? If not, maybe he was ready to change his life and be committed to one woman after he proposed. If you were already engaged, you should really consider leaving him. If he asked you to be his wife and then decided to fool around with other women, he is a real DOGGG! Another thing to consider is whether you will hold his infidelity against him. More than likely you will. With the overwhelming stresses that already accompany being a newlywed, having to deal with a cheating liar does not help your situation. BOTTOMLINE: the decision is yours to make. Can you live with this as his new wife? I would just call the wedding off and give him about another year to gain my trust and love again! And remember, all things happen for a reason.
2007-04-02 14:23:34 · answer #5 · answered by Mommy 2 be 4/16/10!!! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely need to confront him before you marry him
! You cannot enter a marriage based on lying. You need to ask him what happened. Be prepared that he may be upset you were snooping, but I think you have every right to confront him. If you are on that can forgive and forget, then do so and finish planning your wedding. Then you will be able to enter a marriage with him without any regrets for not confronting him.
2007-04-02 13:24:58 · answer #6 · answered by amcs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd rather break up with a cheater 12 days before the wedding than have to go through a divorce. If he's cheating now, or considering it, getting married will not change his mind.
2007-04-02 13:41:10 · answer #7 · answered by layla983 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Definitely stay out of his emails, letters and scrapbooks. If you snooped enough to get proof for something that happened a year ago, reflect and see exactly where your relationship was at that time. Were you having problems or separated at the time? have you always been faithful throughout the relationship?
However, before you do get married, CLEAN the SLATE!!
"Forgetting an experience in life no matter what it is only give what we are trying to forget the opportunity to repeat its-self to where we MAY NOT be able to forgive and look for any way to forget it."
"Forgiving an experience in life no matter what it is, provides a closure so we don't forget the opportunity can repeat its-self but are able to handle it in a different way."
So, you both should forgive one another but never forget what has happened and live a beautiful carefree, regretless life together...
2007-04-02 13:34:22 · answer #8 · answered by Angel of Mercy 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If you don't think you can trust him, at least postpone the wedding. In the meantime, confront him. Otherwise this could fester inside of you. He needs to know how you feel, and you need to know if he actually did meet up with these women.
2007-04-02 13:26:09 · answer #9 · answered by hani 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Know someone who has been there, done that- and still got married- 2 kids and 6 painful years later, it ended in divorce; all the promises of "It'll never happen again" etc...ALL BULL. He continued his infidelity- was just much more careful about being caught- she found out because he gave her an STD... Save your self the heartache- the right one who WON "T do that to you IS out there- he just ain't the one who put that ring on your finger...
2007-04-02 13:31:35 · answer #10 · answered by chikensnsausages 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋