Is my mom going through a mid-life crisis?

Question

My mom is a single parent of 2 (including myself), never married. I moved out of her house 3 years ago. I live 2 hours away from her. As of January, my half-brother also moved out of the house, only until June, and lives 2-3 hours away from her. Him moving out was hard on her. She'd cry a lot and told me she thinks she depressed. She has thought of going to a doctor for depression pills, which I think is not neccessary.
Now, she comes home from work, to an empty house.
As of November, she has been talking to a guy, 5 years older than me, who lives in India. She called me up last week and told me that she is thinking of marrying this guy, and moving to India to be with him! She has never met this guy in person.
Is she going through a phase? What should I do? Should I tell her that I think she's going through a mid-life crisis? Any thoughts or advice?

This guy in India isn't the first guy she's talked to over the internet. He's actually the second guy, also from India, that she's talked to.

And another thing, she said she would sell everything and move to India, but first she'd make a couple trips to India as dates and to get to know him. She'd make these trips with a friend who has a home in India. To be on the save side.

Answer 1

What your mother and you dont know is that there are a huge number of Indian men romancing American women (usually dumb girls) on the internet for the purpose of getting into the USA fast to become citizens. They sweet talk these dummies and convince them to marry them. She may be talking about moving to India but watch and see...he will want to come here. You need to help your mother get some local activity or join some club or she is going to end up being used.

Answer 2

I'm just guessing that once she is in India, visiting this man, she will have some strong doubts about the wisdom of marrying him. You could suggest to her that she is going through a mid-life crisis but that would not address the problem of her depression. Maybe anti-depressant medication would help her; it's hard to deal with problems when you are depressed, really depressed. Not just sad or 'down'.
A trip to India is pretty drastic. It would get her out of the house - and you say she comes home to an empty house. If she had a very active social life, it might be different, but depression is her problem, it seems. You can't pull an active social life out of a hat to make that depression go away.
A trip can remove you far enough from familiar surroundings to help lift that depression. Why not wait and see what that trip would do for her? If you are afraid that she might actually marry the guy, ask yourself if she is vulnerable anyway - and would you rather she met someone who is local and unattached but bad news - her problem is the depression.

Answer 3

She is not going through a mid-life crisis, she has lost her freakin mind. Okay in the beginning I was sympathizing with the empty nest syndrome and could see where she might think she was depressed, but she just flew right out of the coop and got stupid. With age is suppose to come some type of reckoning that things change, children grow up and in the due course of things are suppose to go out into the world on their own, but just because they do, a mother doesn't go get a boy friend who is 5 years older than her child, to relocate to another country, to be with that boyfriend, who she met on the internet (where to end), your Mom needs an intervention. I hope this is a joke or that your Mom is doing one of those "guilt trip" things that Moms do, but either way no, it is not a mid-life crisis, there is a bigger problem here. God Bless.

Answer 4

If she thinks she's depressed, please take her to a doctor. She should have a complete physical first to rule out something serious.

Next, I'd discuss her wanting to marry a guy she's never met. That isn't wise no matter how old you are. This guy could be a mass murderer. Why doesn't she meet him with some other friends/relatives first before going off the deep end? I'd try to find someone she could confide in and trust, and beg them to discuss it with her in the event she wouldn't entertain talking to you about it.

I'm not sure she's going through a phase. It may be a desperate attempt for attention. I'm worried about her, as well you should be also.

Answer 5

If your mother owns her own home, you'd better warn her about guys who look for lonely middle-aged women with assets. First of all, meeting some jerk on the internet is dangerous. Secondly, she should NOT marry him and she must keep her pocketbook shut! Third, there are scam artists who 'claim' all kinds of things - including "please send me money so I can fly over and marry you" then they take the money and run. Dr. Phil had the situation on his show. Tell your mother not to be foolish. If she really wants companionship she needs to get out. You know the old saying, "To have a friend, be a friend." If she doesn't have to work, she could meet people by volunteering at places: policitical parties, hospitals, zoos, art galleries, etc. There are plenty of nice people (who speak English!) that she can meet right here. Not some fly-by-night guy she has never met. That's way too dangerous.

Answer 6

I think rather than telling her she's having a midlife crisis, it would be better to tell her that you are worried about her and don't want to see her get hurt or get into a situation she;ll regret. I think some support and love from you right now is just what she needs. Talk to her about all of her qualities and that you would love to see her meet someone she has a lot in common with and that will be a good partner for her and take good care of her. Tell her why you are worried about her and this guy she's talking to on line. He may be totally different in person that what he tells her on the net. Encourage her to take some time to get over her last relationship before she jumps into another one with someone she doesn't even really know and hasn't even met. I think she will appreciate your advise, concern and love for her during this time. Maybe you could spend a bit of quality time with her doing some fun girl stuff to boost her ego and help with her lonliness. Good luck.

Answer 7

If I were you I would be freaking out!

Your mom is obviously SOOOO lonely that she is asking for you two to see her more often...!

Also, a good physical checkup is a good idea. (Perhaps her hormonal levels aren't where they should be and this plus her loneliness are spellling a recipe for disaster...!)

Depression is a terrible thing, and only someone who has been there can really understand how handicapping and harmful it can be. I know....So if there is a chance she's depressed, have her visit a doctor and get medication at once!

Ignoring depression doesn't make it go away- it actually makes it harder for you to climb out of the hole you are in. So don't wait and help her out!
Good luck....

Answer 8

I don't think she is going through a phase as much as I know she feels very alone. People who feel alone are not happy and they crave friendship and love and the first person who gives them this or offers it to them is the person high in their affection and thoughts. It would be in your best interest to show your mother more concern and love than you have in the past. Don't assume ever that you know what is best for her because you do not live in her shoes. Sympathize with her and listgen to her and try to reason and understand her. By all means let her know you love her and want only the best for her. If you do these things I think you will see a 100% improvement in your mom's attitude.

Answer 9

Post Modernism Depression at its strongest. It is sad what the "Age of Poisoned Thought" has done to humanity. Even though I admire the technology of this age I think that overall people were happier in the Western World back when the family unit was stronger. Everything now is so impersonal and machinised. Your story is typical for women who never marry. You see, even when the nest is empty she could've still had someone (her husband) there for her.

Answer 10

No, she is not going through a mid-life crisis! Haha, she is just lonely, think about it. If you had two kids, and they both moved out, you don't have anything else to live with, nothing, wouldn't you get lonely? Just talk to her, she is just taking drastic measures to find happiness. :) She may have mild depression but nothing severe. Just visit her more often, or make plans to do something every week. :)

Best of Luck
Josh