FIrst and foremost let me clarify that "The Guy" that is in the wedding as the MAN OF HONOR is FAMILY!!!! He helped me raise my sisters! Yes I realize that I should have had all my sisters as bridesmaids... just like in the beginning I THOUGHT I was having a small wedding. My friends as much sisters as they are friends! These are the people who have been there for me in most ways you can imagine... so yes I picked from a hat. And I did think it was fair.... I am asking what is the best thing to say... not critizim on a day I want to be special to me as well as for my siblings! If you can not be help other than hurtful than DON'T ANSWER!! I would never pick over my blood! maybe I worded it wrong but I truly want my sister to feel included! When you have a family as big as mine, you tend to have some things slip cracks. I never meant to offend anyone can I get some REAL advice? She is 15. My other sisters don't seem to mine, they are still walking down the aisle with wedding colors!
2007-04-02 10:15:38 · 13 answers · asked by Tut B. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First of all, no you shouldn't "have had all your sisters as bridesmaids"...you should have had WHO YOU WANT as bridesmaids, whether they're family or not. Both of my siblings have been married, and I wasn't involved in the ceremony for either of them - nor were they involved in my wedding ceremony.
I would also like to clarify that I'm very proud of you for having a man of honor! Many people would skip over the important men in their lives, just because the "typical" bridesmaid is a woman...that doesn't mean that only women can stand up for your marriage and be there for you.
Is it possible to give your little sister another important job at the wedding that will make her feel involved? For example, my sister served as Candle-Lighter at my uncle's wedding, along with one of his wife's nieces. Perhaps she could do a reading during the ceremony, or be singled out to do a special toast at the reception? I know that much of the job that the maid-of-honor does is keep things running at the reception...maybe your sister could be "assistant to the maid-of-honor", and help to keep the schedule on track.
Best of luck in this...I'm sure everything will work itself out!
Oh, yeah, and Congratulations!
2007-04-02 10:36:10 · answer #1 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is this sister going to walk down the aisle as well? If not, THAT could be the whole reason she's upset, and lets face it, if your 8 other sisters are walking down the aisle in either a bridesmaids dress or a dress in the wedding colors, she should be as well. Leaving her out in that situation would be a HUGE mistake, and could lead to years of bad feelings between the 2 of you.
I think you've gotten some good advice, but if you're wanting to know the best way to tell your sister she absolutely cannot be a bridesmaid, then the best way to tell anyone bad news that you KNOW they don't want to hear is to just suck it up and tell them, flat out, and honestly. Make it clear and make sure she understands that there is no other option. There is NO way to sugar coat this, and make it into something it isn't. That's not being rude, that's life. You don't have to be rude about it, you can be polite and simply explain to her that there's no way to include everyone. I agree with everyone else that you should find SOMETHING for her to do that will make her feel included. 15 is a touchy age as well, she probably wants to wear the pretty dress that the others are wearing, she's too old to be a flower girl, she's really too young to be a regular bridesmaid, you could have her be a junior bridesmaid, but she might even have a problem with that.
Try to find out what is making her feel the way she does...and it may not have anything to do with your wedding. Like my mom told me a few weeks ago when we were discussing my 17 year old daughter, in the dictionary under "teenager" there's a reference that says "see also: narcissistic." Teens think the world revolves completely around them, their issues and problems are earth shatteringly important, and could cause the polar ice caps to melt instantaeously and wipe out all humanity. As we mature, we realize that's not the case, but most 15 year old's haven't figured that out yet. Be patient with her, since she is only 15. Good luck!
2007-04-02 12:03:06 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AGAIN...blood is thicker than water, thats great that your friends are like sisters. So...why couldn't they just walk down the aisle in the same color? Don't get upset because people are giving answers you just don't want to hear. You can either make her a junior bridesmaid or just leave it the way it is but don't be so confused as to why she is upset. She is your sister and I am sure she assumed that she would have privilege over your friends. As far as your other sisters are concerned, they are probably older but by her being younger she may be a bit more sensitive.
2007-04-02 13:08:42 · answer #3 · answered by sjlova86 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if i was her i would do the same i did at my brothers wedding when i was 15 an not go an forget me that is so wrong to do to any sister or brother not have them in the wedding hope she has a good day not at your wedding is all i can say id skip town an slash your tires if i was her. picking out of a hat an what are you thinking of a friend vs blood you my dear are shallow and thank god i only had one brother like you if i was you i would have no friends an only my 9 sibblings in the wedding in 5 6 years from now you might not talk to your friends that were in the wedding an so be it but it will be sad that you aint going to talk to friends an sibblings you should really evaluate your family
2007-04-02 12:55:15 · answer #4 · answered by rodeogirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you ask your 15 year old sister to be a "Junior Bridesmaid" this way she can feel included while you still have the bridesmaid you want.
Another way to make her feel important and included is to ask her to be in charge of something - the guest book attendant, for example. Just some ideas!
2007-04-02 11:22:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, be honest with her and tell her how you feel. Also, try finding another place in the wedding that she could be a part in. (ie reader)
When I got married, I truly didn't have a place for my sister's husband, but I felt it necessary for him to be in the wedding because one I had known him since I was 12 and two because I was in theirs. So, I made a special place for him. He walked my 3 yr old niece, his daughter, who was the flower girl down the aisle. He absolutely loved it! He said it was like practicing for her big day.
Don't stress and good luck.
2007-04-02 10:26:53 · answer #6 · answered by passiveaggressive 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did the same as you 35 years ago and now I regret it. All those friends I was so close to then, I cannot even tell you where they live now.
How I wish I had chosen my little sisters as my bridesmaids instead!!!
2007-04-02 10:26:45 · answer #7 · answered by Lorna M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The wedding party is for both the bride AND groom, so if you are having a male attendant, he would be on the groom's side as a groomsman. And of course you should have your sisters as bridesmaids.
2007-04-02 10:25:01 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I personally would let her read this, so she knows what you think. Tell her how you decided the outcome. Let her stand with you or something. I think at 15 she probably could handle this. I hope this all goes well for you.
2007-04-02 10:24:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like I said the first time.... let her read a poem or a bible page at your wedding so she is part of it.
2007-04-02 10:23:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋