I've had a roommate for about 2 yrs that came to stay with me because she lost her job, car, apartment. She has a 7 yr old little boy that I've known since he was born. She is currently going to school on line but hasn't been successful in finding a job due to some legal problems. My boyfriend of 1 yr, has suggested to me that she move out so we can start our own life. By the way, he and I are both in our late 40's. I'm having a hard time with this because I feel I'm dropping her on her head. She is part of my family and it feels like I'm abandoning her when she's beginning to get her life together. The only money she has coming in to contribute is her $85 a week child support and she does get food stamps which we use. Can someone please, please suggest to me a compassionate way of approaching her?
2007-04-02 09:20:02 · 6 answers · asked by Sheri A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think that if you are planning to marry in the near future then some kind of understanding should be made with your room mate.
I understand that she has had a very hard time and all but two years is a long time to still not have things together. Also the father of her child (whether married or not) is responsible to see that the child have a place to live and if he is not in the position to provide for them then she should be getting help from his family or her own immediate family.
This is not your responsibility and it's really remarkable that you are such a caring person but you also have your own life. Furthermore, if your boyfriend or fiance is thinking about moving forward with your relationship and he expects for you to make changes with your room mate, then he certainly should be ready to marry. If he isn't interested to commit that far then it probably won't work out anyway. So if I were you, I would give him an ultimatum as he has given you, if he expects for her to move out, then he should be ready to marry and make a respectable life with you. Until he takes the role of a husband he has no rights to run your home.
2007-04-02 19:46:49 · answer #1 · answered by Mom_of_two 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if you are using the food stamps and are not on the food stamp case (if you are on the case they should be using your income, etc) you are committing fraud so stop using them immediately. Second, you say "legal problems" if you don't know what those "legal problems" are and she is not willing to tell you there is something fishy. Why did she lose her car, job and apartment? What evidence do you have that when she finishes school, she will be employed? Remember a hand out is not a hand up if she is not already doing EVERYTHING she can to improve HER situation.
2007-04-05 20:14:18 · answer #2 · answered by Kim C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend wants you to drop your family member to live with him? Is this the man you want?
On the other hand, I don't know much about your roommate. She shouldn't have to depend on you, but if you two get along well and she is working on getting her life together, maybe it's a good idea. Is she really taking responsibility?
The most important question is, what would be best for the child, long term?
2007-04-02 09:49:01 · answer #3 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 1st answer is crazy. You are a grown woman who should be allowed to live her life in a way that makes you happiest without two unwanted dependents.
Your friend can't honestly expect to live off you forever. She knew when you said she could stay that it would be temporary. You need to talk to her ASAP so they she can get herself together. Maybe she has another relative she doesn't want to stay with but could. She could have choices you don't know about. You need to talk to her and let her know what the situation is and give her a deadline (60,90? days) to find somewhere to go.
She is your friend not your child. You have every right to ask your friend to leave you just need to find the nicest way to do it. Let her know you will try to help her in whatever way you can but you and your boyfriend are serious and want to start a life together. Let her know that you love her but you love your boyfriend too and you know that her and her child remaining in the home with the two of you will cause problems.
2007-04-02 10:53:09 · answer #4 · answered by WriterChic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell that boyfriend of yours to go suck an egg. I cannot believe you are contemplating "starting a life" with a rotter like that. I have BEEN married to a rotter like that. You are lucky to know ahead of time. Keep your roommate, get rid of him, and get a GOOD boyfriend. You deserve better.
2007-04-02 09:35:36 · answer #5 · answered by Lorna M 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well where do i start she is a grown *** woman and u are grown too doesn't she have other family mebers that can help her?
2007-04-06 07:13:15 · answer #6 · answered by kabona hoekene motha lova 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋