Best Band-Aid for a broken heart?

Question

What is the best way to regain an optimistic outlook on life, belief in the goodness of humanity, belief in true love and soul mates after reality crushes the fairytale that could've been? She left for her own very good reasons, but she's still all i want or can think of. How can I be rid of this empty, hollow feeling inside me that used to be filled by her? I'm 38, and i suppose I should be thankful that to this point I've never suffered a broken heart. I do believe it is something that will never fully heal...but how can i speed the process to acceptance and peace? Waking each morning is now a burden, and something i dread. I feel like a zombie with no purpose in life anymore. Can ANYONE or ANYTHING help me?

I'm deployed in Iraq...so 'get outta the house' is not an option! lol

Answer 1

I once read an article that described love as a biochemical reaction. When you see your loved one, your body goes into this whole adrenilin, pheremone thing. It makes a lot of sense. Your body is now going through a biochemical withdrawal from the hormone and other biochemical surges that you were addicted to in your relationship.

Think of it as breaking an addiction (actually, addiction books might help!). You realize intellectually that this love relationship wasn't perfect after all since it ended. The "might have beens..." are only a fantasy that trigger the biochemistry, and your physical chemical dependence on the relationship.

Time will help to fill hte empty hollow space, and you will gradually begin to feel better as you go through withdrawal. Keep busy with productive things (for yourself, not to tell her about...). Try to find ways to make yourself happy without her every day, even doing little things. Stop yourself whenever you think about her, since you are just trying to trigger those biochemicals again. Your life will gradually become fuller with happier, fullfilling moments and one day you will realize you got through it. You may always feel a bittersweet memory about the time you had together (hey, an addict is always addicted...), but you'll find you can have a great life and may find a different, but better love elsewhere.

And yes, I know this works. I'm still in "love" with a fantasy from 30 yrs ago (who is probably lumpy, dumpy, bald and still a cheater now), but I've also been happily married to someone else for over 24 years. You will find happiness again too.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Each day will get better. Breaking up is not unlike experiencing a death in the family. Eventually you will remember the good things, and you will be able to sweep the hurt into an area where it is far less painful. My suggestion would be to get involved in some club or activity to fill the time that you now have available. Join a bowling league or a book club. Take a class at the local adult education center. The wort thing you can do is sit around the house and feel sorry for yourself. Eventually you will feel back to normal, then it will be time to look for someone new.

Answer 4

Until someone fills her spot or until enough time has gone by, you are going to feel hurt. The only thing to heal this is keeping busy, looking to friends or family for support. Try not to think about it or it will become an obsession of your free thoughts. I know you hurt, but you must pick your chin up and keep busy. I wish you luck. I am going through some very heartbroken moments of my own right now. Good luck.

Answer 5

I thought my broken heart would last forever. Honestly, I thought I'd live the rest of my life in pain. I couldn't sleep, eat, think, breathe. I too felt like a zombie, with no purpose in life. It was such an intense feeling that I actually had to take time off from work. I was that sick inside. But one morning I woke up and discovered it was gone; just like that. After days and days, and weeks of endless pain, I could suddenly breathe. I walked around that entire day, waiting for another dose of pain. I just knew my suffering wasn't over. But it was.

The best Band-Aid for a broken heart is time. Take the time to heal and one day you'll wake up free of pain. While you're healing, you'll go over it again and again from start to finish, and eventually you'll come to grips with it. You'll be able to forgive her for leaving, and forgive yourself for the part you played in it. Even if it was all your fault, you'll be able to deal with that. And after you've gone over it again and again (and again), you'll begin to heal and the pain will get better. Doesn't mean you won't still care for this woman; but the memories won't haunt you every day. You'll be able to breathe--to put the entire love affair in the past and gradually move on with your life.

Best wishes!

Answer 6

My best friend always said the best way to get over the last one is the next one. Get out of the house and go meet some friends somewhere. You'll feel weird at first, but then it will start getting better and you'll find someone who makes you happy. It sucks right now, but if you don't get out of that house and do something it will suck a lot longer.

Answer 7

Remebering that it wasnt you. The relationship just lost its meaning. Best thing to do is to go out a lot where you can be around other aviliable women and flirt alittle. Hang out with your freinds more and find a hobby that you really enjoy and can devote a lot of time into so that you wont spend all afternoon thinking about her. A couple one nite stands wouldnt hurt just so u can prove to yourself that women still find you attractive and not all the mean things she said to insult your man hood are true.

Answer 8

I'm very sorry for your loss, I know how you feel. I've been trying to get over my heart break years ago (10yrs). True love never dies, but faith in everything including religiously fails and disappears. Nothing cheers me up, time doesn't heal it only helps you to cope with the problem to learn live with it. But all I can tell you is that there are people out there that feels the same way as you, you have me here I can listen. You can tell me over and over what happened to you to let it out, cause I know people that are happy and that hasn't gone through this get bored with our never ending hoping story. Just try to keep yourself to think that she left you and that her love for you fail, it will hurt but the truth has to prevail to help your mind kill any hope you have and for you to build a wall to help you prevent heartache again.


[e-mail] email me I'm here for you if you feel like telling someone how you feel.

Answer 9

There is a fast way and the slow traditional way

The fast way:
Get some crack and go on a drinking binge followed by sex with a bunch of women.

The slow way:
Take your time and let your heart heal, eventually you'll be fine and ready to get into another relationship.

Answer 10

u have to grieve it... its a process not an event. u will go thru the following stages: 1. survival 2. healing 3. growth
the length of time this takes depends on u, and the length and depth of the relationship.
as the rolling stones said: time is on my side, yes it is!
time heals all things!
good luck!