What are some good jokes that are clean for newspaper?

Question

im doing an article for a school newspaper and i need some good short jokes like those old one that is like "how many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?" like those or websites that i can find them in. Thannk You

Answer 1

Ooh I have one it is soo stupid it is funny!!! :) Okay there is two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other "Geez it's hot in here." The other muffin says "Ah! A talking muffin!!" Ah hahaha! Gets me every time. :P Also people are always posting jokes on here just look through the Jokes and Riddles section. There is also Google just search.

Answer 2

If doing a school newspaper, you need to stay away from jokes that could be considered bad taste, sexual harrassment (blonde jokes especially), racial jokes, religious and political. Otherwise, you will be thought of by the jokes (i.e. racist).

Here are a few I like:

#1: A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."


#2: The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude..." A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir.

#3: One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the thief were began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Tim put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Tim's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Tim was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Tim why he had bothered to fight so hard for a 25 cents. "Was that all you wanted?" Tim replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in my shoe!

Answer 3

good jokes belen2499! i liked the ones about the frog and the $500 in the shoe!! here's one for ya:

Satan vists the church

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."

Answer 4

Q. What is black and white and red all over?

A. Newspaper (is black and white and read all over)