Bl**dy mother in law?

Question

Is it possible to be with a guy and not have an 'awkward' relationship with the mother in law?

Jacky- I have my own house thanks sweetheart, so no one is kicking me out of anywhere....take a chill pill hun.

Ottoman- any other words apart from "you lot" ?

Thanks to the people who provided useful answers! For the record, I am always respectful to my MIL and would never disrespect the lady who raised the love of my life. It's very easy to judge and presume you know a person on here! :-)

Answer 1

It's possible, but rare. My mom and my brother's wife get along OK. For the first couple of years, they had a couple little squabbles, but nothing major. Over and done with in minutes. My MIL and I can't be in the same room. She is a meth addict and addicted to prescription drugs, too. She's out of her mind. Last time saw her, she screamed that I was "the b**** who stole her son and grandkids" even though we only have one child who she has not been allowed to touch since we learned of her habit. Before that, she babysat regularly. Some people are just nuts. Most of my friends get along with their mothers-in-law, but it's because they don't live near hear. If you think about it, though, it's normal for it to take a while to work out all the kinks. You have two women who love the same man and both want to be a major consideration in his life. Some mom's have a big problem with letting go of the "sole-woman-in-his-life" role. They really can't stand to see another women be so important to him, and the new wife wants to take on the role of high importance. These two women were probably raised totally differently, the mother probably raised her kids much differently than the wife will want to, and there are usually generation gap issues. Yeah, a husband and wife have to adjust to each other's lifestyles, too, but there is an element of love involved to make them more willing to give a little.

Answer 2

Yep. I have a good relationship with my MIL. We work at it, though. We're very different. One of the few things we have in common is that we both love her son. We talked things out early in my relationship with her son, and decided we would both make an effort to get along, because it would be easier for us and for him.

That said, it comes and goes. We've become good friends, and like any long-term relationship, sometimes we get on each others' nerves. We "agree to disagree" about a lot of stuff, and there are certain topics we just kind of skate past because we'll never agree about them.

The relationship changes over time, because we do. When we irritate each other, we steer clear of each other for a while, but on the whole, she's become one of my best friends and the more I get to know her, the more I admire her for what she's manage to survive in life.

However, if your MIL just has no interest in getting along at all, and all your attempts to be patient and kind are thrown back in your face, it's probably easiest to practice avoidance.

Answer 3

It is always an awkward situation. Although I do know of some women who get on great with their Mother In-law. Mine was an ogre. She expected her sons never to marry, as they should stay at home and look after her! She did try her best to split both her sons relationships up. She controlled her elder son's life and he succumbed to her, but then so did his wife.(who moaned about it all the time but always did as she was told)....I wasnt so submissive! I didnt like her, although I physically nursed her when she was ill,(her other daughter in-law ran away unless it was a time she could produce the cheque book to impress) I always made sure the Grandchildren saw her regularly. I would let their Father spend time with his Mother, and take the children with him. (It meant I got time alone ) but it also gave her time with them , & they with her. It was important they knew their Grandmother. I didnt know my maternal Nana, and my paternal Gran didnt want to know me. I did put up with Mother In-law visiting, and it helped if I had things to do in other room. Then I couldnt hear her telling her son what he should do etc. I didnt realise just how much she controlled his thinking, until she died, Then he came into his own!!! Not good!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Hey I happen to be a Mother in law!!!

We don't suddenly grow two heads you know, its not a choice, its folks like you that turn us from Mums to Mother in laws, its a shock to the system to, I can tell you!

If, God is kind one day you will be one to, then see if you like it!

I get on better with my Son in Law then I do with my daughter by the way. I also got on well with my mother in law.

Remember if it were not for the Bl**dy Mother in Law, you would not have that fellow in the first place.

Be nice, it normally comes back what ever you dish out - Good luck!

Answer 5

Don't be so sexist against your own sex, what about the dirty old father in law? surely they are more of a problem, I tend to get on with all my boy friend's mothers, it their younger sisters I hate, especially if they have a tarty younger one which I had the terrible problem of once, he had a lovely mother but what a ***** for a sister. I think it is always best to date men with brothers only or older sisters, keep of the ones with younger bitchy sisters.

Answer 6

Of course it is! She just wants to see she's left her little boy in good hands that will make him happy and not spend all his money or cheat on him or give him heartbreak, and cook for him and look after the home side whilst he's at work, and of course, bear his children to make her a grandmother!

I get on great with mine although the reason is, my husband puts ME first, rather than his mum!

Answer 7

Yes, but you need to work at it. They try to provoke you and when you react normally they see justification in their behaviour. Lets it wash over you, rise above it, keep being the best hubby and dad you can be and eventually they come round. Took me 6 years but I get on like a house on fire with mine - she even has lunch ready for me when I come home on the days she is looking after the kids!

Answer 8

no...if your anything like me, i always feel like i have something to prove with her. I always feel like she is judging me, and i feel really awkward around her.

I just try to tell her what she wants to hear and agree with her(within reason). That way you can keep her happy and not cause any bad feeling. It means not being true to yourself, but i've found that its the only way i can spend any time with her at all without it ending in an argument.

Answer 9

Acutally I had a very good relationship with my inlaw's til I decided to see someone else then they turned into the inlaws and grandparents from hell..so yea its possiable just dont do anything wrong in their eyes.

Answer 10

My mother in law is great. She'd do anything she can for us, and she was glad to hear we were getting married. We don't see her much seen she's in PA and we've always lived in the south, but we're good.

I was dating a guy once whose mom had never met me, but was calling me all kinds of names to him, like **** and hussy and would tell him I was using her.. I gave my bf a copy of my recent HIV / STD results and a my last pay stub. He went to see her and showed them to her and told her to stop it. I wasn't going to give him any disease and I wasn't going to use him for money because I had my owe. (I made more money than him, or his mom) He told her he wouldn't stand for her behavior anymore and that he loved me and she'd just have to deal with it. She was just trying to protect her boy, but when he acted like a man she respected that and accepted me. In time we actually became friends. She would have made a great mother in law, to bad her precious son was loser who couldn't keep a job.

People are people and we like some people and not others for all kinds of reasons most of which stem from our own misconceptions.

A lot of times, men pick women who are a lot like their mothers and unfortunately the people that bug us the most are typically people who are a lot like us. We seem to dislike people who mirror our faults because it makes us uncomfortable.

Just show your mother in law respect. She deserves a lot of respect from you because she raised your man to be prefect for you. You owe her the same debit of love and respect for doing that, that you owe your own parents for raising you.

You don't have to be her best friend and she may never be like your mom, but you're a grown woman who doesn't need mothering. In the end you don't even need her respect you just need to able to be polite and get along at family events.