Family issues?

Question

My sister is in jail. She has a 4 year old daughter who is currently being raised by my grandmother, the childs GREAT-grandmother. Shouldnt she be with one of her grandmothers? My mother is a recovering drug addict who is only 2 years clean. The other grandmother is willing to take her. But my grandmother is old, stubborn and set in her ways and dont think that anyone besides the childs maternal family should have her. The childs father is in jail, his earliest release date being 2017. The child will be 16 years old. My g-ma called me today and asked me to watch her and I told her I couldnt (I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old, who had bad belly ache and had been crying/screaming for 5 hours). She is now mad at me. This upsets me much, as my g-ma raised me and we have been very close. I am 22 and I dont feel it is my responsibility to have to watch her when she needs to go something. I think the child should be with her paternal family, since the maternal family cant handle her.

I am her Aunt on her maternal side. I love her very much. But I know if her paternal grandparents take her, she will be well cared for, and we will still be able to see her. My grandmother is getting to old to do this. She raised her 5, with one passing on at a young age, then me and my 2 sisters. Now she has my 13 year old cousin and my soon to 5 year old neice. She just turned 67.

My family (maternal) has no problem providing for her, finacially. But as far as stability goes... My grandma has become rude and even hateful (screaming, etc..) at them sometimes because she just cant handle it anymore. I at one point had 4 children. My 2, my neice and my cousin. I live in a 2 bedroom apt, with my finace. It was to hard on us, and stressing our relationship. SO we gave my neice back to her mother, who is now in jail and my cousin to my g-ma. My sis has some pretty bad charges against her, and I think she may go away for a while. How can I convince her to give her to her paternal g-parents? She wants to give her to me. I really cant handle this. Im already an emotional person and to just think about this hurts me very much. I love her so much and would do anything for her. But, I financially, cant handle her.

To the third anwser- Yes, I feel like I should take her- but to put me family at risk of losing our place to live, our vehicle, and my job? No I cant do that. My g-ma is not active. She is oveweight, has heart problems and has to have a total knee replacement in 3 weeks. The child does have 3 other Aunts. 2 who are very well off. Shouldnt they take her and try to attempt just as much as I already have? Thanks for the opinion anyway. My sis only has this one. My other sis dont have any. On my fiances side. His only neice and nephew are being raised by there grandparents, because their mother plain out said there is nothing for her in this town! Yes, it would hurt me if something were to happen to my kids and nobody wanted them. But that is just it-- my neices paternal g-parents DO WANT HER. I never said I didnt want her, but Im finacially unable to take care of her.

OK, obviously I forgot to add that the 13 year old acts just as bad as the 4 year old when it comes to getting her way. She yells, screams, crys and hits. At 13 she should know better. Also, my Aunt (the 13 year olds mother) lives there. So why should I have to watch them, when my Aunt is there to do it??? She does not work or do anything.

Answer 1

When my brother died this was a tough situation. My sister in law was left with two kids and one on the way. She was into drugs and she stayed out all hours of the night. The children have been bumped around from house to house, and none of us are able to take care of them on a perminent basis. They are getting in their teens now, and they have lived a very rough life sense the death of my brother.

I cannot take them in because I have an autistic son who requires a lot of my time and attention, not to mention at times he can be very aggressive. This would not be a good situation in the least. My sister already has five children of her on, and my brother is a drifter of sorts.

The girls at one time lived with the grandmother on their mothers side of the family, but that did not last long either. So I know exactly where you come from, and there is no easy answer. I know that the idea thing would be for the paternal family to take her, but if she is not wanted, then this could cause problems down the line, on the other hand if your grandmother is unable to care for the child then I agree with, another option would be foster care, but I don't think I have to tell you the ends and outs of foster care.

I think I would keep trying to encourage your grandmother to get someone else to shoulder the responsiblilty. And it is ok for you to say no when you cannot watch her. It is ok for you to say you can't take her yourself. We cannot take on some things and if we feel that way it is best that we don't.

Answer 2

It seems to be such a sad situation for that child. I just feel awful for her. As a sister, I would jump in and take the child to help out before giving her to someone else. However, I do feel that the paternal side should have just as many rights. When my grandmother was 67 she was still active, took us all to the park, picnics, our baseball games, everything. She still cleaned her home, cooked a huge meal, and had time to see to it we got a bed time story. My mom was around but my grandma was well a grandma, she insisted she do the grandma things. She was capable of it.
Your grandma is capable of it too if she has a 15 year old there. All she needed was your help for a little while. We all need that sometimes, doesn't mean we don't deserve our children. Just because she raised her own doesn't mean she can't raise more. She is just trying to do what she thinks is right, remember, she grew up in a different time than we did and a lot has changed in 20 years. No the child isn't your responsibility but what if something happens to you and your other half and no one "feels" they should be responsible for yours, how would that make you feel. I think your grandma is a great woman for taking on what she has and maybe you all should say thanks to her.

Answer 3

What a truly sad situation. She should be with whoever can provide best for her--not just in terms of money, but also in keeping up with an active 5 year old. But if your grandmother had legal custody and is not willing to give it up to someone else it doesn't sound like there's much that you can do. If she's unable to take care of her, perhaps you should contact the girl's case worker and suggest to her that its time to find a new placement.

Answer 4

Wow, this sounds like a story line for a soap opera! I agree with you that her paternal family should be raising her. There is way too much drama on your side of the family-and the little girl is right in the middle of it. She needs some stability, and if she can get that with the paternal grandparents, then that's where she should be.

Answer 5

Your family comes first and foremost - but your neice's parents are not the parents for your neice. Obviously they've made mistakes in their lives. We all make mistakes If there are no approrpiate families in your family to take her, she needs a foster home. That's for the courts to decide - not your grandmother

Answer 6

who gave your grandma custody or guardianship in the first place? if it was court ordered, you or the other grandparents would have to file it through the courts saying that you wish to fight for legal custody of the child. if this is not court ordered but your sister gave the child to her you'd still have to go to court to fight it. anyway you look at it, it will wind up in court. it may be better for the child to be with her paternal g-parents but are they willing to fight for it?